18 Ways to Piss Off Nearly Everyone in Your Organization

There are lots of articles written about how to be a better employee or boss but there's not much advice out there on how to piss off the folks you work with. In the improv of life there are a million ways to react to every situation but, sometimes you just need a little inspiration to kick start the process.

I know that many of you are already using a robust combination of these tactics to great effect, but, there's always room for improvement! Here's a list of the top 18 ways to piss off just about anyone in your organization. Please, freely share any comments, questions or concerns; correct my grammar, spelling and/or punctuation; and, of course, feel free to add your own tip to this list of crucial "soft skills" designed to annoy.

1. Show up late to everything.

Extra points if you are a VP or CEO and are using the most tightly scheduled conference room in the building and throw a raging fit to the first person who pops in the door and interrupts YOUR meeting when it goes over time by the same 15-30 minutes you were late to said meeting.

2. Do anything it takes to get ahead and make yourself look better no matter who you hurt in doing so or if the means you use are unethical or illegal.

Extra points if you can coerce others to join you in this behavior by bullying them or calling them "sucker" or by convincing them that "everyone does it."

3. Put the barest effort into whatever you do, cut corners whenever possible and always goof off if the boss isn't watching

Extra points if you get a raise or promotion while others regularly observe you making personal phone calls, trolling the internet, taking long lunches and leaving early because you're "sick" but showing up in the photo gallery for the local football "fan day" event wearing the very same clothes you were wearing when you left early to tend to your migraine.

4. Roll your eyes, sigh deeply and cross your arms when anyone you've deemed an "idiot" is speaking at a meeting, discussing your work progress and/or brainstorming at a company offsite.

Extra points if you can reply with any of these words and phrases, "No."; "We've tried that already.";  "That will never work."; and/or "Are you finished?" Extra-extra points if you are a front-line employee and use this tactic with a VP or higher.

5. Always show up exhausted, sick or distracted. Make sure to let everyone around you know what caused -or is causing- you to be exhausted, sick or distracted.

Extra points if you blame something -or someone you work with- for MAKING you exhausted, sick or distracted. 

6. Always have a negative attitude. Never find solutions, always problems.

Extra points if you missed all the meetings and never participated but dump all over a completed project or product just as its about to ship -especially if the folks who did the work are really excited about it.

7. Never do any real work but pronounce loudly that you are the "idea" gal/guy on the team.

Extra points if you get full credit for the work your co-workers did on YOUR end-of-year performance review. Extra-extra points if you get a higher performance rating than the person who did all the actual work.

8. Immediately get angry with anyone who points out a mistake you've made or gives you any feedback on your work. By all means do NOT make ANY of the changes or corrections they ask.

Extra points if you can maintain "the silent treatment" for a week or more and get the person who "offended" you to apologize for daring to point out that your mistake totally screwed up everyone's paychecks.

9. Never do any extra work. Use the phrase, "that's not my job," as often as you can each day. No matter what is going on ALWAYS adhere to the same exactly schedule every day and if there's a crisis that occurs at your lunch break, ignore it until you've finished with your tuna on rye.

Extra points if you can rope your boss into picking up the extra work, skipping lunch or staying late to cover for you.

10. Never come prepared. Do not review the materials prior to the meeting. Do not set up any system to make sure you always have plenty of the  materials you need to complete the job. Do not ever carry anything with you that could be used to take notes.

Extra points if you can blame your failure to complete that big project on the jobber who didn't get the supplies to you on time (because you ordered them the day before the project was due.)

11. Ask lots of questions on what was covered in the materials that you were supposed to read before the meeting -or- on what was discussed at the meeting before you arrived late.

Extra points if you can completely derail the meeting by demanding to be "caught up to speed" and refusing to go over it "offline" with a co-worker after the meeting.

12. Include the words "lucky to have a job" at least once in any conversation regarding a promotion that didn't materialize; a smaller-than-expected annual raise/bonus; or a cut in any employee benefits program.

Extra points if you're the CEO or you work in the Human Resources Department.

13. Take all the credit when your co-workers, employees or department does well and throw them under the bus when it does poorly.

Extra points if you can get a special mention for "your" work in the employee bulletin or all-hands meeting. Extra-extra points if you can regularly present great ideas to your boss that you've stolen from your co-workers.

14. Always jump to conclusions and rush to judgment never apologize if your assumption was wrong

Extra points if you are in a position of authority and can make someone cry in the bathroom stall.

15. Perform personal hygiene tasks at your desk or in the lunch room. Trimming your nails, tweezing your eyebrows or applying deodorant are all great ways to accomplish this.

Extra points if after clipping your toenails and leaving the trimmings in the shared walkway you go heat up yesterday's fish and/or burn some popcorn in the only lunchroom microwave.

16. Repeatedly require the rest of the office to alter their behavior to suit your personal preferences. For example, request that no photos of pets be displayed on desks in your shared cubicle area because you feel that all animals should be free. Once all the animal pictures are gone, request that the color yellow not be worn by anyone on your work team because you cannot stand bananas and the color yellow reminds you of that hideous, squishy fruit. If anyone questions your demands use "hostile work environment" in a sentence and mention that your uncle is a lawyer.

Extra points if you wear your HR department down so much that they immediately acquiesce to your every demand just to get you out of their sight.

17. Give incomplete instructions making sure to miss at least one crucial step or piece of information, then get really upset when the task, project or goal isn't up to your exacting standards.

Extra points if you're the boss or project lead and add new information and/or change the expectations every time you have a "check in" meeting.

18. BONUS TIP FOR BOSSES ONLY: Set completely unreasonable expectations. One example: come in to work at a different time every morning, have "lunch" at random hours of the day and leave at a different time every evening. Then make sure to get angry if your entire team isn't there, sitting at their desks whenever you are in your office -even if you're in your office at 11pm at night.

Extra points if you take a long mysterious break in the middle of the day when no one can find you and stretch your time in the building to 10-12 hours every day.

My Opinion Doesn't Matter

In this great big improv of life my opinion doesn't matter.

Neither does yours.

In fact, opinions can be used as a weapon when some folks are so adamant about their opinions that they try to present it as the truth.

When opinions masquerade as truth they become very dangerous.

Any time you turn on the television, log in to Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram, or Snapchat or any other social media platform you are inundated with people spouting OPINIONS that they are trying to pass off as REALITY.

Because opinions are great "copy". Opinions are great click-bait. Opinions get all dolled up in a fancy font over a pretty picture and get paraded around as something worth believing in but are usually forgotten as soon as they're "shared".

Yet, when someone is so very determined with their opinion it can cause us to doubt ourselves! I know that in my own life, I've fallen for an opinion and only after some personal reflection, realized that the opinion was not true for me.

Before you start believing an outsider's opinion as truth, make certain that opinion IS honestly true for YOU.

Remember when your Aunt Martha kept urging you to try out for the football team, just because she was of the opinion you looked like a linebacker in high school? Do you also remember how you had absolutely NO interest whatsoever in playing football? You told her this, yet, she spent an entire family picnic telling everyone she saw that you SHOULD really play football. She'd grab your arm and haul you over to a relative and say, "Lookit him! He's a linebacker. He's a fool if he doesn't try out for football!" What if you'd believed her opinion and tried out for football and gotten on the team. At best, you'd have hated it.  Even worse, you could've gotten hurt by believing Aunt Martha's opinion!

Opinions often have these key words or phrases:

You (he/she/they) should do this . . .

If I were you, I'd . . .

Listen, people . . .

Listen, sheeple . . .

You're an idiot/a fool/making a mistake if you believe . . .

You're an idiot/a fool/making a mistake if you don't (fill in the blank with something that doesn't interest you at all) . . .

This is the truth, it's not your fault. ABC (or XYZ) is making your/our life/lives miserable . . .

An opinion is just that. An opinion. 

That's why MY opinion of you, or the world, or what someone else is doing shouldn't matter to anyone else.

All that matters is what is true for you!

Who Am I?

Towards the end of "Terms of Endearment", the philandering, selfish husband says to his dying wife, "I'm thinking about my identity, and not having one anymore. I mean, who am I if I'm not the man who's failing Emma?"

SUCH a great example of a character who realizes he's gotten stuck in the rut of just being "that guy".

In the improv of life, wrapping your entire identity in being the person who "always" does anything is so dangerous. It prevents you from learning and growing. Even "good" traits that lock you in one position can be harmful, for example, if you've decided that your "character" is the strong one, the one with the shoulder that others can cry on, what do you do when YOU need a shoulder to cry on?

I love performing improv because doing so encourages exploring character and identity and becoming a new person in every scene. In fact, improvisors don't last long if they only have one "character" they perform over and over. The best improvisers come up with a new character in each scene.

The difference between improv and scripted shows is that the writer creates much of the "character" for the actor in a scripted show. However, there's always room for interpretation within that framework. When doing stage shows, I've seen rigid actors butt heads with their director, saying, "My character wouldn't DO that," always with a roll of the eyes and a slight tone of superiority. There are people in real life who do exactly the same thing. If you can see they are stuck in a rut and offer a gentle suggestion to change their current pattern, they look at you with disdain and say, "I would NEVER ."

Then, there are open and relaxed actors who get a piece of direction and say, "Wow. I didn't think my character would do something like that, it's going to be fun to find a motivation for that action." THOSE are the actors that are truly transcendent. They are willing to open up a new place in their character's psyche.  And, those are the people in real life you delight you when they try something different when their old way of doing things didn't work.

In the real world, we see these types of things play out all the time.

We have those friends, family members or acquaintances who are the same, day over day, year over year. Their bad tendencies stay the same or get worse, their good traits are completely fixed and they never behave out of character. They are always the guy who is failing Emma. Or the gal who always hates her job. Or the co-worker who never remembers to bring their wallet to lunch. Or the volunteer who takes the jobs no one wants and looks sad all the time. You can practically recite their "lines" for them when you interact.

The other side of the coin are those friends, family members or acquaintances who are easy to get along with because they always seem to go with the flow, and, they are continually surprising you -in a good way. You pegged them as a slacker but they get a really great job at a really great company and shine doing the work. Or when you first meet them, they are habitually late but over time become the one who is always ten minutes early. These folks set boundaries and are honest in their interactions.

Years ago a company where I worked was launching a recognition program for employees I had a team leader push back, telling me he wasn't going to participate, "I can't start praising my employees and handing out gifts and cards. It's just not 'me'. They'd think I was being weird. I'm the guy who is rough but gets stuff done."

He was partially right. His rigid employees who were used to his behavior WOULD think he was being "weird"-at first- if he starting praising them. But, his go-with-the-flow employees would've welcomed the change. And his rigid employees would've come around, eventually and gotten used to the "new" character of their manager.

But, he was unwilling to change and continued being the "rough manager" and his behavior meant he had a hard time keeping employees. The morale in his group was always low and his employees were either leaving or defecting to other teams as soon as a job opening would arise. He'd locked himself into his role and was unwilling to do something that he felt was out of character and his employees suffered for it. But, he ultimately suffered the most because he was let go in a round of layoffs.

That which causes you pain in your life over and over might be the place where you've locked yourself into being "that guy" or "that gal". Improvise. Adapt. Learn. Grow. Be willing to see what your character will do in a new situation and also be willing to let others change around you. It can be a delight when the guy who's always failing Emma decides to apologize, step up to the plate and change that negative behavior once and for all. Be willing to LET him change and be willing to let yourself change.

The Hardest Thing to Do

In the improv of life, the hardest thing to do seems to be finding empathy and compassion for others.

We are quick to judge and quick to say what we think based on "gut" reactions.

That works great in an improv scene onstage but not so great when it relates to day-to-day living.

I cringe when I think back about the judgments I've made (and held) about people I worked with or other parents or that guy speeding in his black Audi every morning.

I'm not always a nice person. No one is always a nice person. We walk through this world viewing things through the lens of our own experience, insecurities and hang-ups.

I've learned that place where grace happens is when I'm able to find the calm and patience to step back and empathize.

Think about it, we all have crazy times where things aren't going right -we're bickering with our significant other or fighting with the kids or cleaning up dog barf when the there's a knock at the door. We straighten up, put on our best faces and answer, right? We do our damnedest to prevent the unexpected houseguest from seeing our worst.

Only those intimately close to us see the crazy and the struggles and the insecurities and the disarray.

So, if I assume that what others present to the world is their best self THAT DAY, then that's the place where I can find my empathy.

If I can judge less and empathize more maybe I can change my portion of the world. It'll be the hardest thing I ever do but, today, I'm feeling up to the challenge.

International Women's Day

In the improv of life we all have the opportunity to change the world.

Today, on International Women's Day how about we WOMEN celebrate by rising up and agreeing to stop criticizing and judging and comparing ourselves to other women?

How about we all start accepting ourselves and every woman as she IS. Without competition, contempt or jealousy.

We ALL carry the good (the great and amazing, really!), the bad and the ugly in us each day. But, how about TODAY we start treating ourselves and EACH OTHER with grace and acceptance and kindness?

So WHAT if she doesn't look/weigh/dress/groom/parent/date/marry/act/react like you would? Like my mama used to say, "If we were all exactly alike, the world would be a boring place."

So, today, let's begin anew and choose to LIFT other women UP rather than tear them down with our words, our gossip and our disapproval.

And, in the process, let's treat ourselves a little more kindly, too.

What We Don't Talk About

In the improv of life, the thing we don't talk about is this:

You can do everything right and sometimes people treat you badly.

I've seen leaders in business who by all accounts are constantly improving and growing; they are great listeners, give their employees praise and positive feedback and make sure they are getting paid fairly and given flexible scheduling and have many devoted employees and still end up with a bitter employee who quits because they believe they were treated badly!

I've seen excellent employees who are great at taking correction and making positive changes; who do their work at 120% and achieve all their goals -and then some. They take pride in their work and their peers, clients and other leaders in the company adore and depend on them -and still their boss hates them and fires them!

Guess what? It's not YOU, it's them. There are people who arrive in the improv of your life with a chip on their shoulder and no matter what you do, they are not pleased. No matter what the truth is, they will create their own story.

In these instance, all we can do is accept what has happened and move on as quickly and positively as possible. 

The sooner you can forgive and forget, the better off you'll be. 

Remember, forgiving does NOT mean hiring -or working for- that person ever again, it just means forgiving their behavior so you can move on with your own life in a positive way.

Without Listening

I had a friend comment that he saw a show full of very talented actors that missed the mark because everyone onstage appeared to be waiting for their next line and not really listening to each other.

The first thing that popped into my head were the words "Acting without listening is just showing off." Then, I thought about how that statement could be applied to just about any situation on- or off- stage!

I think that type of non-listening is even worse in an improvised scene. When someone is watching improv, they are listening to understand.

Now, technically, all improv actors onstage should also be listening to understand, but some actors just miss that mark.

If an actor misses a crucial bit of information given by someone onstage, the audience knows instantly that actor is just waiting for a "turn" to show off.

Improvisers call this non-listening behavior "steamrolling".

In "real life", people who are listening for their "turn" are usually waiting to:

• Show off,
• Establish their status,
• Demonstrate their high level of skill,
• Dictate,
• Lecture
• Push their own agenda; or - worst of all,
• Make a joke

No one wants to work onstage with a steamroller and in the improv of our daily life, no one wants to live with, work with, or play with a steamroller.

Just as an audience can tell if you aren't really paying attention, people in your life can tell if you aren't really paying attention. 

Listening for your "turn" to speak isn't really listening at all. And, it is very irritating for all those around you.

Take heart, though, the "active listening" muscle can be developed and the first step in that direction is making a conscious decision to listen for understanding, rather than waiting for your turn to "show off"!

I wish I know who first said "Argue as if you're right. Listen as if you're wrong" because I love that idea. Personally, I think more people need to take that advice to heart and the world might be less divisive.

Does your team need training in active listening? I have a workshop for that! Email micheleruth@hotmail.com for more information.

MAKING MESSES

Ask any kid, making messes in the pursuit of creativity and play is fun! Waaaaaaay more fun than cleaning up afterwards.

"Moooooooom," our 11 year old yells down the stairs. "Can Jake and I build a foooooort in the living roooooom? Please? Mooooooom?"

"Only if you clean everything up before your father gets home from work."

"Ugh, forget it."

The fort is the fun. Pulling out every blanket in the house and flipping over the chairs and draping the furniture to create an awesome hidey-hole in which to act out stories and play is the fun.

Folding the blankets and replacing the furniture and making sure everything is back in order after the mess isn't "fun" but it is the responsible thing to do.  On that particular day, our son decided that the fun of building the fort wasn't worth the price of cleaning up afterwards.

Kids gleefully paint and splash and build forts and pull every outfit out of the closet playing dress-up. Which is as it should be. When creating, it is important to play freely and enjoy the art of the playing.

The next step is cleaning the mess. (If a baby can pull a toy OUT of a bin, they can be coached to put it BACK.)

Ooooh, that makes a lot of kids mad, doesn't it? Have you ever seen it?

But, good parents, teachers and leaders don't care if the kid gets mad. These adults realize that, in the improv of life, playing and making messes is worthwhile fun but the other half of creation lives in that space AFTER the fun.

Integrity lies in owning the "mess" and accepting the responsibility for what we've created.

WHY ARE YOU CLINGING TO THAT LIFE RAFT?

You may be clinging to the past if you've ever uttered these words at work: "We tried that once and it didn't work."

You may be clinging to the past if you're still blaming your parents, your ex, your significant other or your 3rd grade teacher for anything that isn't working in your life today.

You may be clinging to the past if you believe your old dishwasher works when it really doesn't.

That's where I am today.

I  have to pre-wash the dishes before they go in, which absolutely defeats the purpose of having a dishwasher in the first place.

I'm happy to say that I (think) I'm  finally moving out of the denial phase and realizing that we either need to call our local repair guy or get a new dishwasher.

Because I'm an improviser, there are a zillion options, really, now that I've finally accepted life's offer of a broken dishwasher.

Onstage, doing an improv scene, it would've been much easier and much quicker. My scene partner might've said, "Honey this dishwasher isn't working. I've run the dishes through twice and they're still as dirty as they were before."

"You're right, " I'd answer, "It's time to call that repair man who worked his voodoo magic on our fridge last year."

Oh and the scene could move on quite nicely from there.

But, in the improv of life, it's often harder to accept what's happening and move forward.

As if our very existence depended up on it, we cling to beliefs, situations and people that are no longer necessary or are carrying us to unhappiness and danger.

Life rafts aren't intended to be lived upon. They are merely there until we can get to something better.

Some folks get on a life raft and paddle away, making slow progress towards the shore. They do what they can to survive until they finally reach dry land. Sometimes, these life rafts to which we cling are soooooo close to shore but we're so busy surviving on the raft, we don't even realize it. Everyone on dry land can see we're only in a few inches of water and if we'd just let go and stand up, we'd walk to the new opportunities right next to us! Once we finally stand up and slog those last few feet into shore, we feel amazing!! That's where I am with the dishwasher, I've been merely surviving instead of moving on to what I know needs to happen.

But, some people clamber onto that life raft of denial and think they're home free. They refuse to believe they're stuck in the sea and just try to live the way they always have. They ignore all warnings, refuse all offers for assistance as others watch helplessly as that life raft heads to deeper waters.

How many life rafts are supporting your denial?

Which of life's offers are you blocking in order to stay put and not move forward into a new place?

In the improv of life, is staying stuck more comfortable than moving forward?

What is it costing you or your organization?

I've seen people lose their jobs in a layoff because they'd spent the last 10 months refusing to use and/or learn a new way of doing something. They just bobbed along on their life raft, doing it the "old" way because they just wouldn't accept the new. Then when the life raft was ripped out from under them they were stunned to find themselves in a place they didn't like.

I've seen organizations push away eager volunteers and slowly spiral downward because too many folks refused to acknowledge that it was time to let go of one or two toxic people or the "old" way of doing things. One-by-one, new volunteers would come in, work to make positive changes, and leave when they realized that all their hard work was being undermined by that one person who'd been "a volunteer forever". The organization was clinging to the old times as the entire raft sank into the sea.

So, I've been breaking the rules. I've been blocking what life has offered by refusing to believe there's anything wrong with my dishwasher, even though it's been working like crap since the beginning of summer. That's the life raft to which I've been clinging.

I guess I'm clinging to the past because I really liked this dishwasher. We have a tiny house and we went to the trouble of special-ordering a smaller model than is usually sold in stores. I guess I'm clinging to the past and living in denial because it is going to cost me money and time.

But, when I look at the situation objectively, I see that the fact that its broken is costing me money and time, too. I'm wasting hot water (money) and standing there washing them by hand (time).

So, today, I'm accepting the offer that life has thrown. Time for a new dishwasher!

How many life rafts are supporting you denial?

Which of life's offers are you blocking in order to stay put and not move forward into uncomfortable territory.

Is staying stuck more comfortable than moving forward?

What is it costing you or your organization?

Choosing Avoidance

Don't ever think that ignoring a situation or doing nothing puts the responsibility for the results outside of yourself -or gives you the freedom to blame others for the results.

In fact, it is just the opposite.

Ignoring a situation or doing nothing is a definite choice in which you release your power and assume even more responsibility for the results (or consequences) of your inaction, whether you like it or not.

Performing improv quickly teaches us that we cannot control the offers that come our way; and that we sometimes might not even like an offer. However, we understand that our power and responsibility lies entirely in how we choose to respond and act on those offers. Accepting and acting on those offers is how two players balance the power and responsibility for a scene between each other.

An audience observing an improvised scene in which one player chooses to stop participating can easily see how both players started out sharing the power and responsibility to bring an enjoyable scene to the stage.

When one player gives up on the scene and stops doing anything the audience immediately notices the shift as the other partner assumes all the power in order to finish the scene. The audience also immediately understands that all responsibility for the lousy scene is firmly placed on the player who chose to do nothing.

All the same rules apply to the improv of life, only the stakes are higher.

We cannot control the situations that life offers us but, we have absolute power over the choices we make to respond to those situations.

If we want to maintain an equal balance of power and responsibility, we have to accept the situation and do something.

• If we ignore the leak in our tire, we are choosing to get a flat and assume all responsibility for being stranded someplace.
• If we do nothing about the vines growing up the side of our house, we are choosing to have our house damaged by invasive weeds and potentially becoming unlivable.
• If we ignore the warning signs, we are choosing to end up with health problems that could put us in the hospital, or worse.

As we choose to do nothing or ignore a situation that life offers us, the "audience" of family, friends and loved ones who circle around us are there, observing.

Even worse, one or more of the audience might have encouraged us to act, tried to help us, or warned us about the potential consequences of inaction but we chose to ignore those warnings, or lashed out in anger and pushed that person away.

Friends, we are always responsible for the results of our choices, and this responsibility is magnified when we choose to do nothing.

Always.

That's how the improv of life works.

When You See It Say It

In the improv of life there are as many ways to do something as there are people on this planet. Some choices bring positive results and some choices bring negative results. The most successful Leaders practice choices that encourage and build up, rather than humiliate and tear down. One positive choice for Leaders is to follow the "When you see it, say it" principle.

Profoundly simple in theory but difficult in practice. And, it can be applied to ALL aspects of life.

Just like good improv, getting really good at "when you see it, say it" takes practice and like all improv games, there are a couple of rules:

1. If you see something good, praise it publicly and specifically; and,
2. If you see something that needs correction, do that privately and specifically.

Both these rules should be applied as soon as possible after the behavior that deserves praise or requires correction.

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING GOOD, PRAISE IT PUBLICLY AND SPECIFICALLY

Saying "thank you" and/or "great job" is nice but not good enough.

Those two phrases need to be followed up with specifics. I personally don't know anyone who doesn't feel noticed and appreciated when they are thanked or praised specifically for something they did.

Specific praise is sure to encourage repeat behavior and, if you're really feeling frisky, you can do something nice in return!

For example, our daughter cleaned her room without being asked. I made sure her brother was also around when I said, "Thank you for cleaning your room without being asked, that made me so happy that you knew that company was coming over and saved me the stress of repeatedly asking you to clean up. I wanted to do something nice for you so, I washed and put away your clothes."

Since that time, she's cleaned her room two other times, without being asked -both times when she knew I would've asked because people were coming over!

Here are some examples of different types of specific praise.

Practice praise with your employees: "When you did XYZ it really made the customer's experience better I could see by their smile that they were grateful and the icing on the cake is when they said, 'You have a customer for life,' thank you for making us all look good!

Practice praise with your co-workers: "I just want to take a minute out of this meeting to thank Chris for pitching in and helping me get that collating project done yesterday. It looked so much better than it would have if I'd done it alone and the customer couldn't stop saying nice things about how it turned out."

Practice praise with your spouse or significant other: "Honey, thank you for making that sweet comment about my lasagna, when your Mom was over. It made me feel good to know that all that effort to learn a new recipe was appreciated."

Practice praise with your children: "Thank you for noticing the garbage was full and taking it out without being asked,  it was really great today when I was helping your brother with his art project and I didn't have to stop everything take out an overflowing garbage bag."

Practice praise with volunteers: "Thank you so much for showing up on time for your volunteer shift, it makes it so much easier for everyone to know we're fully staffed."

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING THAT NEEDS CORRECTION, DO THAT PRIVATELY

Think back to a time when you were corrected in public. It didn't feel so much like a correction as a humiliation, didn't it? When people are humiliated they feel angry. Angry people might lash out, make excuses, stop trying or quit.

Poor managers -the ones that act like bullies- praise privately (or not at all) and correct publicly.

No one feels respected when that happens.  Leaders don't humiliate others.

Just like praise, correction needs to be specific. It also needs to be followed up with an expectation for future behavior. Private and specific correction is also something that needs to be practiced and takes a lot more finesse.

Also, when correcting others you cannot dwell on the past. Refrain from asking "Why did you?" or "What were you thinking?" because those phrases just keeps things stuck. Look to the future.

Practice correction with your employees: "When you said XYZ to the customer, I noticed that he got very agitated and it looks like he left angry. I'd like you to say something different the next time a situation like this comes up. Saying ABC or DEF has worked for me in the past."

Practice correction with your co-workers: "This is hard for me to say but, I need your help. When I was on that client call a little while ago, you were talking to Sam really loudly and it was hard for me to hear what the client was saying. Could you help me out and talk more quietly the next time you see I'm on the phone? I promise I'll do the same for you."

Practice correction with your spouse or significant other: "Honey, when you dump the clothes right outside the hamper it hurts my back to bend over and pick it all up. Could you please either put your dirty clothes into the hamper or pile it on top of the dryer so I don't have to bend down so much?"

Practice correction with your kids: "When adults are talking to you, it feels very disrespectful when you're looking at your phone. I noticed you were staring at your phone when Grandma was talking and you didn't even noticed that she stopped mid-sentence. From now on, when any grownup is talking to you, I expect you to turn your phone face-down and look them in the eye and respond politely."

Practicing correction with volunteers takes special finesse. It must be done ESPECIALLY kindly and gently! And works best if you set up ALL expectations before the volunteer even starts helping out. "Hey, I'm not sure I ever told you this but, part of this task is straightening up the desk area after your shift. It's one of those nice things that makes it easier for the next person. I know I'm always grateful when I come in and don't have to clean up the desk before I get started."

Three final notes on correction:

Keep your mouth firmly closed if the thing you are "correcting" is:
1. A personal preference. Everyone has a different version of "on time". If you called a meeting for noon but you personally consider people late if they're not there at 11:55 that's your own "stuff" and not anything that needs correcting if your employee is sitting in that meeting room by noon.

2. An unexplained expectation. Don't assume anything. If you ask your kid to clean the bathroom and he's never done it before, but gives it a try anyway, you should thank him, not correct him! And next time you ask him to do a brand-new task, correct your own behavior by TEACHING him how to do it, first!

3. Not behavior you're willing to model yourself. Most people can't respect someone who doesn't do what they expect others to do.

Do you know a Leader who chooses the "when you see it, say it" model?

Do you know a person who does the opposite?

Please share any great examples of either style!

Can'ts. Cans. Plans.

In the improv of life, we all have have dreams. The thing that separates the dreamers from the doers is that doers get off their butts and get it done.

Doers figure out how to work the plan and how to fund the plan!

Today I challenge you to make one step towards achieving a long-held dream.

5 Ways to Take Control of Your One-on-Ones

All stage improvisers love the magic that happens when there's great give and take in a scene. They also love the applause of the audience because it lets them know they're on the right track. The audience provides regular feedback on the performance.

Things are just the same in the improv of life.

Taking control of your one-on-one with your boss can lead to fabulous give and take; and if you're doing a good job you might even get some regular "applause" as well as consistent feedback on how you're doing!

Every good improviser understands the rules of the particular game they are playing when they step onstage. So, it just makes sense that in the improv of life you understand these basic rules to getting the most out of your one-on-ones.

Here are the three common reasons I've heard for people who avoid one-on-ones with their boss:

1. I work right next to my boss, we talk all day -there's nothing we need to discuss;
2. I have a great relationship with my boss, we're good friends, if there was anything wrong my boss would tell me;
3. I hate my boss, I don't want to spend any time alone with a person I hate.

To all three, I say this: 

You don't know what you don't know, it is highly unlikely that you will have the same boss forever and if you don't know how to sit down and manage a successful one-on-one now, then how will you do it later? Also, someday YOU might be the boss and you need to know what it takes to hold a successful one-on-one so why not get the practice NOW?? Besides, no one likes to find out at the end of the year that their "great boss" has had a complaint about their work for an entire year but saved it until the annual performance review to share -with a resultant "bad" rating!

1. SCHEDULE THE MEETING YOURSELF IF YOU HAVE TO

If your boss doesn't have a recurring one-on-one scheduled every week -or every other week- then take responsibility for the situation and schedule the time.

If you don't have a great relationship with your boss, or you don't get much "face time" this is a great way to build the relationship and get some uninterrupted time.

If you do have a great relationship with your boss, this is a way to build an even BETTER one.

THESE MEETINGS SHOULD BE 30 MINS AT THE MOST AND SHOULD BE SCHEDULED IN A PRIVATE LOCATION SO YOU CAN BOTH SPEAK FREELY.

2. DON'T BE A "TIME THIEF", SAVE IT FOR THE MEETING

You're busy. Your boss is busy. If you save non-crucial things for your one-on-one I can guarantee it'll make your boss happier.  Think about it, there's nothing worse than a co-worker "popping in" all the time either in person or via IM with non-crucial stuff when you're trying to get something done.

You're a time-stealer if you keep popping in on your boss with those non-crucial items.

IF YOU SAVE IT FOR THE MEETING YOU SHOW YOUR BOSS THAT YOU VALUE THEIR TIME.

3. HAVE A PLAN AND WORK THE PLAN

Some bosses are great and have a regular structure to their one-on-ones. If that isn't the case for your boss, then come in with a plan. Even if it is a boss that you're good friends with, you need to get some concrete things discussed in the meeting. This person might not always be your boss and if you're in the habit of just chit-chatting in your one-on-ones you'll be woefully out of practice with a new boss.

Here are some sample topics to discuss in your one-on-ones:

• a) Ask if there are any new projects that are coming up that you could help with;
• b) Quickly share the status on your goals/projects;
• b) Ask any questions -or ask for help (if you need it);
• c) Ask these three questions:
• What am I currently doing that I should continue doing?
• What am I currently doing that I should stop doing?
• What am I not doing that I should start doing?

If your boss is vague or unclear, it is absolutely okay to say, "What does a successful outcome on this project look like?" Or say, "I want to be prepared for my annual review. If you have nothing I should stop/start/continue then I'm going to assume that I'm working at the top of my game and can expect highest rating at the end of the year."

If they still have nothing to say and you've been documenting all your meetings, you'll have plenty to fall back on during the dreaded annual review time (if your company still does performance reviews).

I once had an employee I coached who was completely confused about one of her annual goals. I suggested she go back to her next meeting and ask, "If I were to receive the highest rating possible on this goal, what would it look like? What exactly would I have done?"

When the boss couldn't answer that question, he removed it from her annual goals! In this way, she drilled down on all the vague goals he'd assigned her for the year until they were specific and had actionable steps that she could complete and then report in her one-on-ones. She was thrilled that year when, for the first time ever, she received the highest possible rating on all her goals.

IF YOU COME IN WITH A PLAN IT WILL NEVER BE A WASTE OF TIME.

4. FOLLOW UP AND DOCUMENT

• a) BRING A NOTEBOOK AND PEN AND TAKE NOTES DURING THE MEETING;
• b) If your boss had questions you couldn't answer, respond back within the next 12-24 hours;
• c) If your boss is the "forgetful" type, then a BRIEF email outlining what you discussed, what you promised to deliver, etc . . . is the best type of follow up;
• d) If your boss regularly cancels (without rescheduling) your one-one-ones, then attempt to reschedule it yourself;
• e) If your boss won't accept the reschedule, document that, too. Depending upon your situation, you can even respond with a BRIEF, respectful email outlining what you wanted to report/discuss in the meeting that was cancelled.

IF YOU DOCUMENT YOU CAN EASILY SHOW YOUR BOSSES' BOSS OR A NEW BOSS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING. -OR- IN A WORST CASE SCENARIO SHOW HR THAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING WHAT YOU'VE BEEN ASKED TO DO BY YOUR BOSS.

5. STICK TO IT

If you aren't regularly sitting down to one-on-ones with your boss it might seem awkward at first but stick to it, it gives you more control over your workplace and situation, no matter what it is. 

Some co-workers and bosses don't see the value in regular one-on-ones and see them as time-killers. And, guess what, they ARE time-killers if you aren't covering anything important -so make sure YOU are adding value to your one-on-ones.

Do you have any one-on-one success stories to share?

Do you have any one-on-one horror stories to share?

I always welcome comments that might help others!!

Managing Up

In the improv of life, sometimes a long-held belief or behavior needs to be shaken up so something completely different can occur.

How many times have you looked at a situation and thought, "How did we get HERE?"

While reading some really negative reviews of a company where I used to work -with most of the comments being focused on the leadership- I started thinking about business and work and how things get to the state where they are untenable.

Then, I had an epiphany.

MOST CORPORATE TRAINING PROGRAMS ARE BEING DELIVERED TO THE WRONG GROUP OF PEOPLE!

Thinking back on my corporate days. A lot of time and money is spent on training "leaders" and honestly, I've seen it make good leaders better but I've never seen it make any difference with leaders who behave badly.

The most extreme example I experienced was a situation where a C-level leader was under pressure to get his disjointed team some management training. So, he requested a very specific training for the team but insisted on meeting with the facilitator prior to the training so it could be "customized" for the group. This exec proceed to bully the facilitator and pick the training apart, until it suited him. The training then lost it's meaning and focus. Even worse, because this exec hadn't allowed the training to be delivered in the manner it is typically delivered, a lot got lost in translation. Instead of becoming a positive tool for change, it became a weapon -until it was dropped entirely because it was "ineffective".

I've seen lots of bad-behaving leaders go through expensive training with no demonstrable positive effects, and get promoted time after time but, I've never seen those bad-behaving leaders get better at leading others.

I even went with one such leader to a 3-day offsite training. This leader was belligerent in class, sometimes even snorting in derision at the facilitator, he skipped out on about 3 hours on the last afternoon and didn't change one behavior. Yet, he was promoted. Because he'd "made an effort" (to attend the class).

So, leaders like this learn very quickly that if they "endure" the training they can continue with their bad behavior and, in fact, will get rewarded for that behavior with more money, prestige and power.

So, what incentive is there to change?

WE NEED TO FLIP THAT SCENARIO.

Face it, most training that is delivered to the front-line employees is pretty much Code of Conduct and Preventing Harassment classes. That's about it.

But, in my experience, most code of conduct violations, sexual harassment, bullying, etc comes not from front-line employees, but from the people who supervise front-line employees.

I'll never forget facilitating a Preventing Harassment session; a new VP  grudgingly slumped into the mandatory class -late- and proceeded to make fun of the material. This VP then said something so absolutely offensive that I felt like I had to report it to my boss!

Guess what my boss did? Laughed, and said. "Oh, that's just the way he is. We can't say anything because the CEO loves him. You'll get used to him."

And that's a sadly common story of how a leader gets away with bad behavior.

THAT'S WHY I THINK IT'S TIME WE GET RID OF ALL THE MANAGEMENT TRAINING.

Good managers, good leaders are going to get better no matter what. They will read and learn and seek out what they need on their own. Bad leaders don't care, so why waste money trying to get them to care?

Instead let's spend the money on recruiting more ethical leaders. I think it's time to start creating an environment where it becomes uncomfortable to be a leader who uses bad behavior. I think it is time to focus all training dollars on front-line employees.

I think these employees need coaching and training that teaches them how to work ethically and gives them genuine skills (and corporate support) to navigate unethical leaders.

Imagine a nation of front-line employees who know how to effectively "manage up" and deflect and call out unethical behavior in a leader!

Imagine a nation of businesses (large and small) who support all employees by rewarding good employees (and good leaders) and by not accepting bad behavior from anyone!

Within a generation, we'd have amazing leaders!

What's the worst behavior you've experienced from a "leader"?

What's the best behavior you've seen in a leader?

Letting Go of Those Who Are Depleting You

When performing with other improvisers, there are some folks who are exhausting to work with. These are the improvisers who follow the rules of improv - but only barely.

These are the improvisers who make you work extra hard to keep the scene on track.

After the scene you don't feel good about the encounter.  You feel exhausted.

In the improv of life, there are people in our world like that, too.

In fact if you paused for one moment you could probably name at least 3 - 5 folks who, after spending time with them you are ready for a nap because their behavior leaves you feeling exhausted!

(And before we judge, remember, we might be that person in someone else's life!)

Here's the truth: you cannot change someone else's behavior. But, you can change how much TIME you spend with that person.

If you have "friends", family members, co-workers or bosses who exhibit one or more of these behaviors, you might want to reconsider their place in your life and how much time you devote to them.

1. SILENT TREATMENT -this behavior is exhibited by a person who refuses to talk with you or gives short, one-word answers. When you ask what is wrong, they say, "Nothing," or "You should KNOW." Nope. I don't know a single mind-reader. This behavior is offensive and manipulative.
2. NEVER-ENDING CRITICISM - this behavior is exhibited by folks who never have anything nice to say. They criticize everything you do (and criticize your other friends behind their backs). This behavior is an attempt to diminish and demean. Nothing, more, nothing less. People who are enriching your life build you up and offer advice and correction but never tear-you-down criticism.
3. BAD BREAKUPS -this behavior is exhibited by folks who never leave a relationship on a good note, whether it be a job, a relationship or a friendship.  In these breakups, they are always the victim, the slighted one, the one mistreated (according to them). Beware, it is only a matter of time until they find some reason you've wronged them, too.
4. TAKING OFFENSE - this behavior is exhibited by folks who are continually "offended" by everyone around them. You find yourself walking on eggshells -considering your words carefully- whenever you're around them because one slip up and they'll let you know for days, weeks, months how you mistreated them. Even worse, people who behave this way often have an uncanny way of taking offense at that thing you did in an effort to be nice or help them in some way.
5. FALLING OUTSIDE THE "REASONABLE PERSON" STANDARD -this behavior is exhibited by over-reaction to what a "reasonable person" wouldn't be bothered by. In a court of law, we ask if a reasonable person would be offended, or react to a certain scenario. This behavior usually goes hand-in-hand with "taking offense".

Past behavior indicates future behavior. If you feel "lucky" because your friend, family member, co-worker or boss hasn't exhibited any of these behaviors with you, it's really only a matter of time.

If you spend ANY time wondering where you stand with a friend, feeling guilty but not understanding why or apologizing for something that wouldn't have upset a reasonable person I suggest you move away from that relationship.

In the instances of workplace relationships, you should always be polite but don't let these people into your circle of friends.

Do you have any more behaviors to add to my list?

The Power of Generosity

True and purposeful generosity makes you strong.

When actors are improvising together, it is a true collaboration. The best scenes occur when each actor is generously creating situations for the other actor to do something that fits perfectly in their sweet spot. Scenes where both actors are building each other up -making each other look "good" - are a joy to perform and a joy for the audience to watch. Those scenes are a success.

That seems counterintuitive to a lot of people. A lot of people think that success involves climbing to the top through any means possible. A lot of people think the only way to do this is to make others look "bad".

Those folks see others in the same field or business as "competition" and cannot understand why anyone would go out of their way to make the competition look good.

To those people I'd kindly and respectfully ask, "How is that working for you? Do you really want to live there?"

I know I'd rather live in a place of generosity. I'd rather live in a place of abundance where the success of my colleague, neighbor or peer is only an reminder that such success is possible and a similar success can be mine.

In the improv of life, we gain confidence, strength and power from this purposeful generosity.

In the improv of life, when you live in purposeful generosity, you are living in a powerful world of abundance and possibility rather than a world of limits and "not enough to go around".

Please understand:

I'M NOT SUGGESTING YOU SAY "YES" TO EVERY REQUEST OF YOUR TIME, MONEY OR TALENTS. 

I'm suggesting you practice continual, purposeful generosity and collaboration. I'm suggesting you take your precious time and if you are going to talk about others you do so to build them up for their "wins" rather than tear them down for their weaknesses.

I'm suggesting you delight in the success of others and if you can play a small part in that success with your purposeful generosity then you should do so.

What does purposeful generosity look like in the improv of life?

It looks like taking a few extra seconds to type a positive comment rather than just "liking" or retweeting in social media.

It looks like sitting down to coffee with someone who you genuinely like and sharing your knowledge or expertise.

It looks like teaching a new skill to someone who you genuinely like.

It looks like sharing a job posting, or an interesting article to someone who you think could genuinely use the information.

It looks like making time in your schedule for those who report directly to you by scheduling weekly one-to-ones. During these, make sure you take notes and follow up on what you promise to do.

It looks like taking the time to find out where your direct reports or volunteers feel they are most in their flow and finding opportunities to place them there.

It looks like publicly congratulating a colleague or peer for their successes.

It looks like sharing your "finds" and connecting talented people with one another.

It looks like being honest and saying "no" when you don't have the bandwidth to give anything but 100% on something.

What would you add to this list?

When Questions Should be Statements

Whenever I teach Sunday school, or teach performance classes, there's always THAT kid.

I'm talking about the kid who always says "no".

This is the kid who blocks everything.

I love that kid.

That kid keeps me on my toes.

That kid forces me to improvise even MORE creatively!

But, most importantly, THAT kid reminds me to

STOP ASKING QUESTIONS THAT ONLY HAVE ONE ANSWER!

(Just a note: I'm not talking about those teacher/student questions like: "On what day was FDR born?" I'm talking about those CONVERSATIONAL questions for which you expect a very specific response!)

When I ask something inane such as, "Who wants to try that again?" I expect a chorus of eager faces yelling an excited, "Yes!"

What I get is everyone in the class saying "Yes" except THAT kid, who's saying, "No."

Blocking.

Even worse, it's my own darned fault. I asked a question when I should've made a statement!

I always teach my improv students to make statements instead of asking questions but, sometimes I'm my own forgetful student!

So, I say a silent thank-you to THAT kid for blocking and then I turn it into a statement and say what I should've said in the FIRST place, "We are going to try that again."

Not a question. Simply a statement. And the kids try it again. Even THAT kid!

When I'm teaching improv, the reason I ask the class to refrain from asking questions is because it muddies up the communication.

In improv, when you turn a statement into a question, you give your POWER away. You've removed YOUR decision, YOUR choice and thrown it back to your scene partner.

I think most of us have had that wishy-washy boss who has created an art form out of turning statements-into-questions. That boss that leads you to believe that you have a choice and then you feel like a jerk when you give the "wrong" answer.

This leader asks,"Do you have time to work on that budget report today?" and you respond with a "I can't, actually. I'm finishing the Steven's proposal today. It's due at the end of the week."

Um. Yeah.

Then the leader backtracks and admits that it WASN'T REALLY A QUESTION.

What the leader really meant to say was, "I know we're slammed right now and that the Steven's proposal has been your main focus this week, however, I need the budget report completed today."

Okay. That's VERY clear. I'm going to get that budget report done.

I think that some of us ask questions all the time because it seems "nicer". It seems less demanding. It seems less bossy. But, sometimes we ARE the "boss" of a situation and we need to make the non-negotiables as clear as possible.

I know that some of you are afraid that if you only make statements you'll look like a demanding, bossy control freak.

I'm here to tell you that, in an improv scene it will create a great and very clear scene but, in the improv of life your fears are very real; you WILL look like a bossy control freak if you ONLY make statements!

You've got to throw in those questions, too! That's just the give-and-take of real relationships.

The key, my friends,  is knowing WHEN to make a statement and when to ask a question.

The only way you'll know when to make a statement and when to ask a question is after you've decided what IS and what ISN'T non-negotiable in the current situation.

So today, practice making statements on your non-negotables and do your best to only ask questions when you will genuinely act on any answer!

Don't Like Big "Buts" (And I Cannot Lie!)

Now, don't take this the wrong way, but . . .

I don't mean to be rude, but . . . 

I'm not trying to be mean, but . . .

Don't get offended when I tell you, but  . . .

I didn't want to say anything, but . . .

You aren't going to like this, but . . .

How do you feel when someone begins a statement with any of those (or similar) phrases??

Most of us tense up and we brace ourselves for fight-or-flight.

Why?

Because we know that the words that follow ARE going to be unpleasant. Those words usually preface a sucker-punch to the psyche. 

Want to know something else? In the rules of improv and in the improv of life, as far as I'm concerned there's NO room for those big "buts". 

Every "but" is a block . Blocking stops the action. Blocks prevent forward momentum.

It has been my experience in life that MOST of the people with all the "buts" are the ones who are also trying very hard to gossip, boss, bully, control or "pull rank".

None of it is pleasant, none of it is pretty.

So,what do we do? 

I say, PRACTICE now with your responses! Improvisers practice. Musicians practice. Artists practice. In fact, all creative endeavors require practice and YOUR LIFE is the most creative endeavor of them all.

So, here are some responses I've practiced for those moments when people throw their "buts" around . . . 

Now, don't take this the wrong way, but . . . 

• WAIT! Just so you know, you won't be able to take back the hurtful thing you're going to say, do you really want to continue?

I don't mean to be rude, but . . . 

• NOW is your opportunity to avoid that by not saying whatever rude thing it is that you were planning on saying.

I'm not trying to be mean, but . . .

• You WILL be mean if you have to and obviously right now is one of those times. C'mon, hit me with your best shot. I can take it.

Don't get offended when I tell you, but  . . .

• WAIT! I'm already offended. Please continue, I can't wait to see how much more offended I'm going to feel after you say what you've been planning to say!

I didn't want to say anything, but . . .

• You feel COMPELLED to do so. I know, I know, it's for my own good. Just be advised that my feelings MIGHT get hurt and at that point I won't want to say anything that comes out of my mouth but I might not be able to control myself. 

You aren't going to like this, but . . .

• It's for my own good, right? You're going to say something mean and hurtful to help me become a better person because you see some great flaw in my character. Okay. Bring it on. I've braced myself.

Hee hee.

Here's the homework assignment, get out your pencils and write out your own response to those statements. Then practice your responses in the mirror. Have a good laugh. Oh, and make sure you aren't throwing any big "buts" around -those things are a sure way to block meaningful conversation!

To Change, or Not to Change -That is the Question

I just read an interesting article from the Harvard Business Review on changing the environment around decision making.

In the improv of life, I'm a HUGE fan of shaking things up and I found a lot of these ideas to be spot-on.

Especially the comments on bringing new people into your organization.

The author suggests, A better approach starts by asking newcomers a simple question: "Who are you when you are at your very best?" (Rather than asking new hires to sit through a static presentation on "how we do things here" and then setting them to task immediately.)

Click HERE to read the full article.

You Might Be Right

In the improv of life every single person you meet has advice. Every single person has an opinion.

If you don't believe me, have a baby. (Or don't have a baby!)

Go to a wedding without a date.

Or tell someone you've decided to pursue your dream.

Advice = one opinion.

Some advice is credible. Some isn't.

Some advice might've worked great for the advisee but you don't like it for yourself.

That's okay. 

So, how do you use the advice that is valuable TO YOU and discard the rest?

If the advice is written, you can simply set that book aside or close your web browser if you don't find it applicable to your own situation.

But, if the advice is verbal, how do you graciously handle it?

I handle it by using a tip that I learned years ago from writer/speaker Jon Acuff. I say, "You might be right."

Ooooooh boy, do I love those words!

Magical!

That was advice I could USE and maybe you can use it, too.

For an improv-of-life loving person such as myself, those words are a way for me to "yes, and . . ." without blocking the other person.

I've used those 4 magical words when I've felt anger rise up from "advice".

I've used those words when I don't agree at ALL with the advice/opinion.

I've used those words when I don't know what I think (yet) about the advice.

Yes, that phrase is a word game -a  matter of semantics- but, it makes ME feel better because the conversation doesn't devolve into an argument.

So, when someone gives advice that you would never-in-a-million-years use,  feel free to try those magic words.

In fact, think about Aunt Betty who told you to march into your boss's office and DEMAND he treat you with more respect when you know that it'd probably get you fired. "You might be right, Aunt Betty".

Then, quietly TO YOURSELF, say, "And you might be wrong, Aunt Betty. And in this case,  I think you are."

Then continue the conversation with your aunt because who knows how long she's going to be on this earth. "You might be right" satisfied her enough to drop the subject of your boss and move on to more pleasant topics. Ahhhhhhhhh. Family unity maintained.

You. Might. Be. Right.

I believe using those words gives people their dignity.

Using those words gives you time to ponder the advice.

Using those words creates a space to keep the piece that is valuable for you and discard what isn't.

What's the best advice you've ever received?

What's the most questionable advice you've ever received?