Who Am I?

Towards the end of "Terms of Endearment", the philandering, selfish husband says to his dying wife, "I'm thinking about my identity, and not having one anymore. I mean, who am I if I'm not the man who's failing Emma?"

SUCH a great example of a character who realizes he's gotten stuck in the rut of just being "that guy".

In the improv of life, wrapping your entire identity in being the person who "always" does anything is so dangerous. It prevents you from learning and growing. Even "good" traits that lock you in one position can be harmful, for example, if you've decided that your "character" is the strong one, the one with the shoulder that others can cry on, what do you do when YOU need a shoulder to cry on?

I love performing improv because doing so encourages exploring character and identity and becoming a new person in every scene. In fact, improvisors don't last long if they only have one "character" they perform over and over. The best improvisers come up with a new character in each scene.

The difference between improv and scripted shows is that the writer creates much of the "character" for the actor in a scripted show. However, there's always room for interpretation within that framework. When doing stage shows, I've seen rigid actors butt heads with their director, saying, "My character wouldn't DO that," always with a roll of the eyes and a slight tone of superiority. There are people in real life who do exactly the same thing. If you can see they are stuck in a rut and offer a gentle suggestion to change their current pattern, they look at you with disdain and say, "I would NEVER ."

Then, there are open and relaxed actors who get a piece of direction and say, "Wow. I didn't think my character would do something like that, it's going to be fun to find a motivation for that action." THOSE are the actors that are truly transcendent. They are willing to open up a new place in their character's psyche.  And, those are the people in real life you delight you when they try something different when their old way of doing things didn't work.

In the real world, we see these types of things play out all the time.

We have those friends, family members or acquaintances who are the same, day over day, year over year. Their bad tendencies stay the same or get worse, their good traits are completely fixed and they never behave out of character. They are always the guy who is failing Emma. Or the gal who always hates her job. Or the co-worker who never remembers to bring their wallet to lunch. Or the volunteer who takes the jobs no one wants and looks sad all the time. You can practically recite their "lines" for them when you interact.

The other side of the coin are those friends, family members or acquaintances who are easy to get along with because they always seem to go with the flow, and, they are continually surprising you -in a good way. You pegged them as a slacker but they get a really great job at a really great company and shine doing the work. Or when you first meet them, they are habitually late but over time become the one who is always ten minutes early. These folks set boundaries and are honest in their interactions.

Years ago a company where I worked was launching a recognition program for employees I had a team leader push back, telling me he wasn't going to participate, "I can't start praising my employees and handing out gifts and cards. It's just not 'me'. They'd think I was being weird. I'm the guy who is rough but gets stuff done."

He was partially right. His rigid employees who were used to his behavior WOULD think he was being "weird"-at first- if he starting praising them. But, his go-with-the-flow employees would've welcomed the change. And his rigid employees would've come around, eventually and gotten used to the "new" character of their manager.

But, he was unwilling to change and continued being the "rough manager" and his behavior meant he had a hard time keeping employees. The morale in his group was always low and his employees were either leaving or defecting to other teams as soon as a job opening would arise. He'd locked himself into his role and was unwilling to do something that he felt was out of character and his employees suffered for it. But, he ultimately suffered the most because he was let go in a round of layoffs.

That which causes you pain in your life over and over might be the place where you've locked yourself into being "that guy" or "that gal". Improvise. Adapt. Learn. Grow. Be willing to see what your character will do in a new situation and also be willing to let others change around you. It can be a delight when the guy who's always failing Emma decides to apologize, step up to the plate and change that negative behavior once and for all. Be willing to LET him change and be willing to let yourself change.