Without Listening

I had a friend comment that he saw a show full of very talented actors that missed the mark because everyone onstage appeared to be waiting for their next line and not really listening to each other.

The first thing that popped into my head were the words "Acting without listening is just showing off." Then, I thought about how that statement could be applied to just about any situation on- or off- stage!

I think that type of non-listening is even worse in an improvised scene. When someone is watching improv, they are listening to understand.

Now, technically, all improv actors onstage should also be listening to understand, but some actors just miss that mark.

If an actor misses a crucial bit of information given by someone onstage, the audience knows instantly that actor is just waiting for a "turn" to show off.

Improvisers call this non-listening behavior "steamrolling".

In "real life", people who are listening for their "turn" are usually waiting to:

• Show off,
• Establish their status,
• Demonstrate their high level of skill,
• Dictate,
• Lecture
• Push their own agenda; or - worst of all,
• Make a joke

No one wants to work onstage with a steamroller and in the improv of our daily life, no one wants to live with, work with, or play with a steamroller.

Just as an audience can tell if you aren't really paying attention, people in your life can tell if you aren't really paying attention. 

Listening for your "turn" to speak isn't really listening at all. And, it is very irritating for all those around you.

Take heart, though, the "active listening" muscle can be developed and the first step in that direction is making a conscious decision to listen for understanding, rather than waiting for your turn to "show off"!

I wish I know who first said "Argue as if you're right. Listen as if you're wrong" because I love that idea. Personally, I think more people need to take that advice to heart and the world might be less divisive.

Does your team need training in active listening? I have a workshop for that! Email micheleruth@hotmail.com for more information.

The Power of Generosity

True and purposeful generosity makes you strong.

When actors are improvising together, it is a true collaboration. The best scenes occur when each actor is generously creating situations for the other actor to do something that fits perfectly in their sweet spot. Scenes where both actors are building each other up -making each other look "good" - are a joy to perform and a joy for the audience to watch. Those scenes are a success.

That seems counterintuitive to a lot of people. A lot of people think that success involves climbing to the top through any means possible. A lot of people think the only way to do this is to make others look "bad".

Those folks see others in the same field or business as "competition" and cannot understand why anyone would go out of their way to make the competition look good.

To those people I'd kindly and respectfully ask, "How is that working for you? Do you really want to live there?"

I know I'd rather live in a place of generosity. I'd rather live in a place of abundance where the success of my colleague, neighbor or peer is only an reminder that such success is possible and a similar success can be mine.

In the improv of life, we gain confidence, strength and power from this purposeful generosity.

In the improv of life, when you live in purposeful generosity, you are living in a powerful world of abundance and possibility rather than a world of limits and "not enough to go around".

Please understand:

I'M NOT SUGGESTING YOU SAY "YES" TO EVERY REQUEST OF YOUR TIME, MONEY OR TALENTS. 

I'm suggesting you practice continual, purposeful generosity and collaboration. I'm suggesting you take your precious time and if you are going to talk about others you do so to build them up for their "wins" rather than tear them down for their weaknesses.

I'm suggesting you delight in the success of others and if you can play a small part in that success with your purposeful generosity then you should do so.

What does purposeful generosity look like in the improv of life?

It looks like taking a few extra seconds to type a positive comment rather than just "liking" or retweeting in social media.

It looks like sitting down to coffee with someone who you genuinely like and sharing your knowledge or expertise.

It looks like teaching a new skill to someone who you genuinely like.

It looks like sharing a job posting, or an interesting article to someone who you think could genuinely use the information.

It looks like making time in your schedule for those who report directly to you by scheduling weekly one-to-ones. During these, make sure you take notes and follow up on what you promise to do.

It looks like taking the time to find out where your direct reports or volunteers feel they are most in their flow and finding opportunities to place them there.

It looks like publicly congratulating a colleague or peer for their successes.

It looks like sharing your "finds" and connecting talented people with one another.

It looks like being honest and saying "no" when you don't have the bandwidth to give anything but 100% on something.

What would you add to this list?