My Opinion Doesn't Matter

In this great big improv of life my opinion doesn't matter.

Neither does yours.

In fact, opinions can be used as a weapon when some folks are so adamant about their opinions that they try to present it as the truth.

When opinions masquerade as truth they become very dangerous.

Any time you turn on the television, log in to Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram, or Snapchat or any other social media platform you are inundated with people spouting OPINIONS that they are trying to pass off as REALITY.

Because opinions are great "copy". Opinions are great click-bait. Opinions get all dolled up in a fancy font over a pretty picture and get paraded around as something worth believing in but are usually forgotten as soon as they're "shared".

Yet, when someone is so very determined with their opinion it can cause us to doubt ourselves! I know that in my own life, I've fallen for an opinion and only after some personal reflection, realized that the opinion was not true for me.

Before you start believing an outsider's opinion as truth, make certain that opinion IS honestly true for YOU.

Remember when your Aunt Martha kept urging you to try out for the football team, just because she was of the opinion you looked like a linebacker in high school? Do you also remember how you had absolutely NO interest whatsoever in playing football? You told her this, yet, she spent an entire family picnic telling everyone she saw that you SHOULD really play football. She'd grab your arm and haul you over to a relative and say, "Lookit him! He's a linebacker. He's a fool if he doesn't try out for football!" What if you'd believed her opinion and tried out for football and gotten on the team. At best, you'd have hated it.  Even worse, you could've gotten hurt by believing Aunt Martha's opinion!

Opinions often have these key words or phrases:

You (he/she/they) should do this . . .

If I were you, I'd . . .

Listen, people . . .

Listen, sheeple . . .

You're an idiot/a fool/making a mistake if you believe . . .

You're an idiot/a fool/making a mistake if you don't (fill in the blank with something that doesn't interest you at all) . . .

This is the truth, it's not your fault. ABC (or XYZ) is making your/our life/lives miserable . . .

An opinion is just that. An opinion. 

That's why MY opinion of you, or the world, or what someone else is doing shouldn't matter to anyone else.

All that matters is what is true for you!

Flip It, Flip It Good

What if today every time you thought you were right about something, you flipped it and took the opposite opinion or belief? What if today you flipped your need to be right and let everyone else be right?

Could you do it? I'm not sure I could! But, it would make for an interesting improvisational exercise, I think!

Albert Camus said, "The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind." 

But, I think it is a very real human emotion to want to BE right about everything in our lives. Maybe that is because, secretly we always feel the opposite. Or, maybe we need to feel right about everything because it keeps us in control of our lives.

What is being RIGHT all about anyway? Is it to have the BEST beliefs, ideas, judgments, opinions, way of doing something? Or is it deeper? 

Like anything else, I think the need to be right should be delivered in moderation, for if we are always right about everything then how do we learn?

We all have our habits and our opinions. When I look back in dismay over a disagreement I've had with someone else; if I can boil it down to my own personal need to be "right" in that moment, I typically wind up feeling ashamed. 

I watch with great interest when a friend will make a complaint or pronouncement of opinion on Facebook or Twitter. They will get lots of agreement (you're RIGHT) and then that one person will pop up with an opposing opinion. 

What? Suddenly the world doesn't agree? Interesting. Very interesting. 

My Mom always used to say, "If everyone in the world thought the same way, it'd be a boring place." I agree with that.

I started thinking more about this; I've had friends who participated in debate class who've been assigned to argue a point with which they do not agree. However, within the rules of debate, they are trying to win the debate so they dutifully argue their opposing opinion -they argue AGAINST their own "right".

I think it would be an interesting improvisation to share an opinion about something and then play a scene as if you believed the OPPOSITE. Just to shake it up. Just to look at the other side of the coin. Just to let go of a "right" for a minute or two.

What "right" could you let go of just for today to improve a relationship?

What "right" could you let go of just for today to look with fresh eyes at a situation?

You're the Inspiration

Last week, I wrote about getting physical and moving to PRODUCE something creative. But what about getting that first SPARK?

That first INSPIRATION??

That takes something different. In my world, that takes purposeful seeking.

Chicago (the band, not the city) once sang:  . . . you're the meaning in my life/ you're the inspiration/ you bring feeling to my life/ you're the inspiration

It must be GREAT to have a muse in your life that inspires everything but, just like a lot of other rock n' roll lies . . . YOU have to inspire YOURSELF! I find that the act of inspiration is just being OPEN to what is all around me.

On days when I feel like I need to jump-start my inspiration I find it by:

1. listening to a new radio station;
2. reading the newspaper, magazine or a favorite blog;
3. taking a walk;
4. doing my morning pages; 
5. playing with my kids;
6. watching a TV show I've never seen;
7. scanning through Twitter, Pinterest or Facebook;
8. grabbing my camera and going around the house or outside and taking photos;
9. looking through my old photo albums;
10. browsing the stacks at the local library.

Where do you find inspiration?

If you are waiting for it to come to YOU,  you'll never find it. You have to go out and LOOK for it!! 

How do you FIND inspiration?

THIS grad student might inspire you to do something amazing like his take-off on Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody . . .

The Sky is Falling - 6 Ways to Get Through the Threat of a Layoff

Are things changing at your workplace? Do things feel "off"? Have there been rumblings of an impending layoff?  Do you feel like you're going to be laid off? Has your boss been "hinting" at changes?

Does all this have you running around with your brain in an internal frenzy, like Chicken Little? Is this your self-talk: The sky is falling! I'm gonna lose my job! I'm gonna lose my house! I'm gonna be living on the streets!

Or, do are you rolling up your sleeves and getting to work, doing as many positive things as you can? People in this mode have this kind of self-talk: I'm gonna be fine! I have so many talents! Getting laid off could be the best thing to happen to me!

Things might seem out of control. You are like Chicken Little if you huddle around the water cooler and gossip about possible layoffs. Or start making cryptic or angry posts on Facebook. That kind of behavior may make you feel better temporarily but, it will usually end up getting you more deeply into a pit of despair and worry. And, you are wasting valuable work time by complaining and become less and less productive.

In a situation where things seem out-of-control, the best thing to do is to focus on what you can control. Here are some positive things you can do now to help you gain a little control over the situation:

1. Make an honest personal assessment.
A. Make sure you're not in neutral. If you are, take steps to get out of that gear. I wrote about neutral employees about a month ago. Being honest, neutral employees are often the first employees to get laid off. (Next on the list are employees who challenge the status quo by loudly voicing their complaints without any solutions. More on that in another post!)
B. List the pros and cons of your current job, if there are more cons, then being laid off might just get you off your butt and into a new opportunity.

2. Get your resume in order.
Make sure it is heavy on accomplishment language and remove all those words like "positive self-starter". What the heck does that even mean? There's a great article on terms to stop using in your resume. Click HERE to read it. Your resume should list your accomplishments in plain language. Depending upon how real the threat of layoff is, you might even want to start looking for another job at this point.

3. Discreetly clean out your workspace.
Take home the extremely personal stuff first. People will get suspicious if they see you doing a major spring-cleaning so don't make a massive sweep in one day but, start taking those knick-knacks home. Start shredding what needs to be discarded and filing what needs to be saved (Check your company's policy on what to discard, what to save). Also, start cleaning out your email in-box. This actually serves two purposes. One, if you do get laid off, you won't be packing up 16 boxes of accumulated junk; and, two, if you don't get laid off, your workspace will look cleaner and more productive. You'll give the impression of accomplishing more.

4. Start helping others.
Shifting your brain from yourself to others is a great way to stop focusing on you and the problems at hand. Help your co-workers, volunteer somewhere that interests you, or reach out to your neighbors. Just getting your brain off your (perceived) impending doom can really help. If you choose to volunteer, choose an agency that you would love to work for. Sometimes volunteers turn in to employees!

5. Get your finances in order.
There are some great, easy to read books on this topic, I have a link to them on my Pinterest page.

6. Start making positive connections in the virtual  and real world.
Make sure you are connecting with co-workers and leaders that you enjoy. Bonus if you can help them in any way. If you aren't on LinkedIn and actively participating, you should be. If your Facebook is mostly angry posts about your boss/workplace then you should clean that up and start making positive connections -OR make certain your account is completely private between only you and your friends. WARNING: Social networks aren't for all take and no give, people can tell when you're desperately searching for a job. The time is now to start reaching out.

7 Ways to Give Back

Leaders, what have you done for someone else today? Life isn't just work and work isn't your life. Where do you give back?

I think life is richer, and work is more satisfying when we give back. A lot of the ways for you to give back only take a few seconds but they make a HUGE impact!

It's so easy here are a few suggestions on how you can give and enrich your life:

1. Share an event or page on Facebook, especially if a friend is trying to get a business off the ground;
2. Make a comment on Linkedin, or endorse someone for a skill (if you genuinely know they possess that skill);
3. Volunteer your time or donate your money: there are a zillion non-profits out there -find one that lines up with your beliefs and spend some TIME helping them;
4. Take someone to lunch;
5. Call, email, text or WRITE to a friend or family member who you know is struggling with something;
6. Say "please" and "thank-you" when you are out in public and someone helps you; and,
7. Pay attention when people speak, put down the cell phone and engage.

Easy, right?

Being Social

Leaders understand that social networks are for being SOCIAL; which means: reaching out, connecting, maintaining and creating relationships. With rare exception, the super-majority of my actor-friends "get" this. They are engaging and funny and fun. They share, they interact -it seems to be in their DNA. Maybe because their work is all about interaction and observation.

 It is funny, I can always tell when someone from my "business world" is looking for work because they suddenly become verrrrry busy in the social world. Lots of "endorsements" and new "friends" on LinkedIN (But, surprisingly not a ton of comments or "likes" on posts.) I also see lots of postings on Facebook and Twitter but still, not a lot of reaction to others.

It's the virtual world's version of a selfish child shouting "Look at ME! Look at ME! Look at what I can do!" -OR- a boorish new acquaintance at a cocktail party outlining their list of accomplishments without pausing for a breath or asking what is going in YOUR world.

I hate to break it to you, but people can see through all that. If you can sense ANY potential or use in the world of the social network, what you're going to need to do is interact with people consistently -especially when you AREN'T selling something (or looking for work).

Social networks work best when you approach the party with a sense of excitement to interact with friends, to make new friends and to match people up with like interests/needs/wants with NO anticipation of "getting something" out of it.

I like that thrill of sharing a website with a friend, or introducing two friends who have mutual goals, or of sharing content that I hope will impact/help/inspire someone.

Either start now creating genuine connections or don't do it at all; anything else will cause you more damage than good.