5 Real Ways to Stop Complaining and Start Living

What are you focusing on today?

The positive?

Or the negative?

If I'm not careful, I can fall into the trap of only focusing on the negative. In the improv of life, this is not productive. Complaining and negativity quickly pull us out of an open "yes, and . . ." mindset and send us into a limited "no, but . . ." place that isn't very fun -or funny.

Negativity is an easy path. People are MORE than willing to walk along and help you get deeper and deeper into the slough of unhappiness.

Think about it: how many times have you complained about something and NOT had someone commiserate with you?

I can think of only one time.

I began complaining and a true friend said, gently and kindly, "Today, why don't you focus on what you DO have instead of what you don't."

WHAM! That friend pulled me off the path and left me, wobbly, and re-thinking things.

Indeed.

Life WAS pretty good when I stopped thinking about the one thing upsetting me.

We cannot change our feelings but we can experience an emotion -have a good (private) cry or pillow-punching session and then choose NOT to STAY in that emotion.

Truly, it has been my experience that the way I feel today is NOT the way I'll feel tomorrow and when I wallow in the emotions of self-pity and negativity I'm usually ashamed of myself after I snap out of it.

Here are some ways to move on after experiencing a negative emotion:

1. DON'T SHARE WITH OTHERS
This one is easy, I realized that EVERY time I was feeling negative and I shared my feelings with others (in the form of GRIPING) that I got MORE worked up, and I felt even MORE negative about the situation. Sure, I was doing some great "yes, and . . ." improv but it wasn't positive at all and got me even MORE upset! Journals are a great and safe place to work through your negative emotions.

2. HELP SOMEONE
Volunteer somewhere. I spent a few years volunteering at a Christmas gift giveaway for needy families in our community. I never felt so grateful for what I have as when I was doing that.

3. GIVE AWAY SOMETHING YOU NEED
If are feeling anonymous or unappreciated, you can bet others are feeling the same way. Why not reach out to someone and give them a GENUINE compliment? Start looking for ways to lift others up, the residual benefit is great.

4. MAKE A PLAN
If you are feeling negative about a situation in your life, making a genuine plan with serious goals is a lifesaver. When things get rough, you can focus on your plan, rather than your current situation.

5. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Corny? Maybe, but it works. I love this quote from my pastor, Kevin Gerald "Blessed with everything, entitled to nothing." Wow. So true.

I don't know where I first heard this but I love it: "What if the things you didn't give thanks for today were gone tomorrow?" It's a sobering thought.

I do Morning Pages and when I feel myself slipping into negativity, I do my best to next write out the things for which I'm grateful.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS TO STOP COMPLAINING AND START LIVING? FEEL FREE TO SHARE!

The Sky is Falling - 6 Ways to Get Through the Threat of a Layoff

Are things changing at your workplace? Do things feel "off"? Have there been rumblings of an impending layoff?  Do you feel like you're going to be laid off? Has your boss been "hinting" at changes?

Does all this have you running around with your brain in an internal frenzy, like Chicken Little? Is this your self-talk: The sky is falling! I'm gonna lose my job! I'm gonna lose my house! I'm gonna be living on the streets!

Or, do are you rolling up your sleeves and getting to work, doing as many positive things as you can? People in this mode have this kind of self-talk: I'm gonna be fine! I have so many talents! Getting laid off could be the best thing to happen to me!

Things might seem out of control. You are like Chicken Little if you huddle around the water cooler and gossip about possible layoffs. Or start making cryptic or angry posts on Facebook. That kind of behavior may make you feel better temporarily but, it will usually end up getting you more deeply into a pit of despair and worry. And, you are wasting valuable work time by complaining and become less and less productive.

In a situation where things seem out-of-control, the best thing to do is to focus on what you can control. Here are some positive things you can do now to help you gain a little control over the situation:

1. Make an honest personal assessment.
A. Make sure you're not in neutral. If you are, take steps to get out of that gear. I wrote about neutral employees about a month ago. Being honest, neutral employees are often the first employees to get laid off. (Next on the list are employees who challenge the status quo by loudly voicing their complaints without any solutions. More on that in another post!)
B. List the pros and cons of your current job, if there are more cons, then being laid off might just get you off your butt and into a new opportunity.

2. Get your resume in order.
Make sure it is heavy on accomplishment language and remove all those words like "positive self-starter". What the heck does that even mean? There's a great article on terms to stop using in your resume. Click HERE to read it. Your resume should list your accomplishments in plain language. Depending upon how real the threat of layoff is, you might even want to start looking for another job at this point.

3. Discreetly clean out your workspace.
Take home the extremely personal stuff first. People will get suspicious if they see you doing a major spring-cleaning so don't make a massive sweep in one day but, start taking those knick-knacks home. Start shredding what needs to be discarded and filing what needs to be saved (Check your company's policy on what to discard, what to save). Also, start cleaning out your email in-box. This actually serves two purposes. One, if you do get laid off, you won't be packing up 16 boxes of accumulated junk; and, two, if you don't get laid off, your workspace will look cleaner and more productive. You'll give the impression of accomplishing more.

4. Start helping others.
Shifting your brain from yourself to others is a great way to stop focusing on you and the problems at hand. Help your co-workers, volunteer somewhere that interests you, or reach out to your neighbors. Just getting your brain off your (perceived) impending doom can really help. If you choose to volunteer, choose an agency that you would love to work for. Sometimes volunteers turn in to employees!

5. Get your finances in order.
There are some great, easy to read books on this topic, I have a link to them on my Pinterest page.

6. Start making positive connections in the virtual  and real world.
Make sure you are connecting with co-workers and leaders that you enjoy. Bonus if you can help them in any way. If you aren't on LinkedIn and actively participating, you should be. If your Facebook is mostly angry posts about your boss/workplace then you should clean that up and start making positive connections -OR make certain your account is completely private between only you and your friends. WARNING: Social networks aren't for all take and no give, people can tell when you're desperately searching for a job. The time is now to start reaching out.