5 Real Ways to Stop Complaining and Start Living

What are you focusing on today?

The positive?

Or the negative?

If I'm not careful, I can fall into the trap of only focusing on the negative. In the improv of life, this is not productive. Complaining and negativity quickly pull us out of an open "yes, and . . ." mindset and send us into a limited "no, but . . ." place that isn't very fun -or funny.

Negativity is an easy path. People are MORE than willing to walk along and help you get deeper and deeper into the slough of unhappiness.

Think about it: how many times have you complained about something and NOT had someone commiserate with you?

I can think of only one time.

I began complaining and a true friend said, gently and kindly, "Today, why don't you focus on what you DO have instead of what you don't."

WHAM! That friend pulled me off the path and left me, wobbly, and re-thinking things.

Indeed.

Life WAS pretty good when I stopped thinking about the one thing upsetting me.

We cannot change our feelings but we can experience an emotion -have a good (private) cry or pillow-punching session and then choose NOT to STAY in that emotion.

Truly, it has been my experience that the way I feel today is NOT the way I'll feel tomorrow and when I wallow in the emotions of self-pity and negativity I'm usually ashamed of myself after I snap out of it.

Here are some ways to move on after experiencing a negative emotion:

1. DON'T SHARE WITH OTHERS
This one is easy, I realized that EVERY time I was feeling negative and I shared my feelings with others (in the form of GRIPING) that I got MORE worked up, and I felt even MORE negative about the situation. Sure, I was doing some great "yes, and . . ." improv but it wasn't positive at all and got me even MORE upset! Journals are a great and safe place to work through your negative emotions.

2. HELP SOMEONE
Volunteer somewhere. I spent a few years volunteering at a Christmas gift giveaway for needy families in our community. I never felt so grateful for what I have as when I was doing that.

3. GIVE AWAY SOMETHING YOU NEED
If are feeling anonymous or unappreciated, you can bet others are feeling the same way. Why not reach out to someone and give them a GENUINE compliment? Start looking for ways to lift others up, the residual benefit is great.

4. MAKE A PLAN
If you are feeling negative about a situation in your life, making a genuine plan with serious goals is a lifesaver. When things get rough, you can focus on your plan, rather than your current situation.

5. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Corny? Maybe, but it works. I love this quote from my pastor, Kevin Gerald "Blessed with everything, entitled to nothing." Wow. So true.

I don't know where I first heard this but I love it: "What if the things you didn't give thanks for today were gone tomorrow?" It's a sobering thought.

I do Morning Pages and when I feel myself slipping into negativity, I do my best to next write out the things for which I'm grateful.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS TO STOP COMPLAINING AND START LIVING? FEEL FREE TO SHARE!

The 4 People Who'll Kill Your Team

We're all on teams; at work and when we volunteer. Here are some of the people that will kill your team and why. Leaders, if you see this behavior, don't let it persist -course correction is required. I'm a big fan of behavior/impact statements. Even if you want to say, "You're a jerk." You'll get a lot farther if you describe the behavior and the negative impact it has.


 

Glum -this person will never come up with ideas of their own but will constantly remind you that yours won't work.
Set the ground rules . . .
If you have an employee like this make it clear that they need to stop the behavior. When you hear it, course correct quickly and privately. "Comments like that are not productive. If you see an issue, you need to come up with a solution."




The Marine Sergeant - this person is an aggressive and loud bully. They will do anything it takes to make sure you realize how great they are and their idea is. No one can defend themselves or get a word in edgewise.
Set the ground rules . . . 
If this person is your boss or someone with control over your job, the harsh truth is - it might be time to find another job. Bullies-as-leaders are rarely known to get better and they usually place more bullies around them.
If this person is a co-worker, use behavior/impact statements like, "When you raise your voice and pound on the table, it becomes very difficult to have a conversation. Let's come back to this topic when you aren't raising your voice to me."




The Critic - this person never has a positive thing to say.
Turn it around . . . 
Whether you work for this person or this person works for you, you can always ask this person, to list the things that they see working well. In other words, in addition to their criticism, find out what they think is working; in this way you'll get them to start looking at the full picture.



Tom Sawyer - this person manages to get out of doing any actual work.
Set the ground rules . . .
Keep yourself on guard for manipulation. Say, "no", when you need to. If you lead this person, then ask set clear expectations and don't reward this employee if all his/her work has been done by others.

7 Ways to Give Back

Leaders, what have you done for someone else today? Life isn't just work and work isn't your life. Where do you give back?

I think life is richer, and work is more satisfying when we give back. A lot of the ways for you to give back only take a few seconds but they make a HUGE impact!

It's so easy here are a few suggestions on how you can give and enrich your life:

1. Share an event or page on Facebook, especially if a friend is trying to get a business off the ground;
2. Make a comment on Linkedin, or endorse someone for a skill (if you genuinely know they possess that skill);
3. Volunteer your time or donate your money: there are a zillion non-profits out there -find one that lines up with your beliefs and spend some TIME helping them;
4. Take someone to lunch;
5. Call, email, text or WRITE to a friend or family member who you know is struggling with something;
6. Say "please" and "thank-you" when you are out in public and someone helps you; and,
7. Pay attention when people speak, put down the cell phone and engage.

Easy, right?