Managing Up

In the improv of life, sometimes a long-held belief or behavior needs to be shaken up so something completely different can occur.

How many times have you looked at a situation and thought, "How did we get HERE?"

While reading some really negative reviews of a company where I used to work -with most of the comments being focused on the leadership- I started thinking about business and work and how things get to the state where they are untenable.

Then, I had an epiphany.

MOST CORPORATE TRAINING PROGRAMS ARE BEING DELIVERED TO THE WRONG GROUP OF PEOPLE!

Thinking back on my corporate days. A lot of time and money is spent on training "leaders" and honestly, I've seen it make good leaders better but I've never seen it make any difference with leaders who behave badly.

The most extreme example I experienced was a situation where a C-level leader was under pressure to get his disjointed team some management training. So, he requested a very specific training for the team but insisted on meeting with the facilitator prior to the training so it could be "customized" for the group. This exec proceed to bully the facilitator and pick the training apart, until it suited him. The training then lost it's meaning and focus. Even worse, because this exec hadn't allowed the training to be delivered in the manner it is typically delivered, a lot got lost in translation. Instead of becoming a positive tool for change, it became a weapon -until it was dropped entirely because it was "ineffective".

I've seen lots of bad-behaving leaders go through expensive training with no demonstrable positive effects, and get promoted time after time but, I've never seen those bad-behaving leaders get better at leading others.

I even went with one such leader to a 3-day offsite training. This leader was belligerent in class, sometimes even snorting in derision at the facilitator, he skipped out on about 3 hours on the last afternoon and didn't change one behavior. Yet, he was promoted. Because he'd "made an effort" (to attend the class).

So, leaders like this learn very quickly that if they "endure" the training they can continue with their bad behavior and, in fact, will get rewarded for that behavior with more money, prestige and power.

So, what incentive is there to change?

WE NEED TO FLIP THAT SCENARIO.

Face it, most training that is delivered to the front-line employees is pretty much Code of Conduct and Preventing Harassment classes. That's about it.

But, in my experience, most code of conduct violations, sexual harassment, bullying, etc comes not from front-line employees, but from the people who supervise front-line employees.

I'll never forget facilitating a Preventing Harassment session; a new VP  grudgingly slumped into the mandatory class -late- and proceeded to make fun of the material. This VP then said something so absolutely offensive that I felt like I had to report it to my boss!

Guess what my boss did? Laughed, and said. "Oh, that's just the way he is. We can't say anything because the CEO loves him. You'll get used to him."

And that's a sadly common story of how a leader gets away with bad behavior.

THAT'S WHY I THINK IT'S TIME WE GET RID OF ALL THE MANAGEMENT TRAINING.

Good managers, good leaders are going to get better no matter what. They will read and learn and seek out what they need on their own. Bad leaders don't care, so why waste money trying to get them to care?

Instead let's spend the money on recruiting more ethical leaders. I think it's time to start creating an environment where it becomes uncomfortable to be a leader who uses bad behavior. I think it is time to focus all training dollars on front-line employees.

I think these employees need coaching and training that teaches them how to work ethically and gives them genuine skills (and corporate support) to navigate unethical leaders.

Imagine a nation of front-line employees who know how to effectively "manage up" and deflect and call out unethical behavior in a leader!

Imagine a nation of businesses (large and small) who support all employees by rewarding good employees (and good leaders) and by not accepting bad behavior from anyone!

Within a generation, we'd have amazing leaders!

What's the worst behavior you've experienced from a "leader"?

What's the best behavior you've seen in a leader?

Are You Asking to be Fired?

In this scene from Disney's "The Jungle Book", King Louie sings "I wanna walk like you/talk like you". He "gets" it that the way we MOVE can send messages as strongly as our words.



During improv class, I lead silent exercises that explore PHYSICAL behavior. In this way, my participants create a visual image from which others make immediate assumptions.

The exercise begins with simply walking, then, I ask participants to shift their body weight and center of focus so they are carrying themselves in different ways.

Then I ask, what does that physicality TELL you about that person you've become? What immediate assumptions do you make? For example, if you pass by somebody who walks very firmly with their chest puffed out what assumption do you make? Pompous, self-assured, cocky, jock, full-of-themselves is what I typically hear.

Its fun to explore physical behavior as a spice to improv class, and an enhancement of the characters we do in scenes. In real life, I challenge you to spend a day paying attention to what you THINK about others just by the way they walk and carry their bodies.

Next, I challenge you to pay attention to how YOU carry yourself? When you are interacting in the scenes of life, what messages are you sending?

The scary thing is, that you are probably creating a positive (or negative) impression whether you speak or not!

Since I'm an actor-type, I observe people and their behavior (and speech) all the time for my work. In an improv I might pull out a physical behavior or voice that I've seen out in public! This is great in the real world too, because once you can really hone in on someone's specific behavior, you can creatively deconstruct it and have an easier time addressing it!

 I once coached a manager who had an employee she wanted to put on a performance plan. (Translation: We want to fire this dude but we know we have to do it legally.)

The employee was a generally nice, positive guy but "kind of slacker," she said. The manager really had no concrete examples or reasons to want to put him on a performance plan.

I asked her what she meant by the word "slacker" since this man certainly didn't present himself that way when I saw him around the office. After beating a few bushes, it came down to this: the VP of the department didn't like him. The VP of the department was the one who thought this employee was a "slacker" and wanted this guy gone. Adding fuel to the fire was the fact that this employee sometimes failed to do what he'd agreed to do in those meetings.

"Does he take notes during these meetings?" I asked.

"No," said the manager, "He doesn't even bring anything to take notes WITH," she said.

"Does he sit up straight in his chair and lean in when others speak?"

Again, the answer was a "No." In fact, when the manager really broke down the behavior,  this employee would push his chair away from the table and stretch out, lounging in the chair, almost as if he were watching TV. Sometimes he'd even put his hands behind his head and look at the ceiling.

If that isn't an "I'm-not-working-right-now" pose, I don't know what is!

"So, basically, this guy is giving the impression that meetings are break times and there's nothing noteworthy going on." I said.

No WONDER the VP thought he was a slacker! He was basing his opinion of this employee purely from the BEHAVIORAL cues this guy was sending.

I suggested that the manager simply ask this employee to sit up straight at the table and bring something to take notes with. Writing down the things he'd promised to do would at least give the IMPRESSION that he cared about the tasks the VP had assigned him. After a couple instances of "forgetting" note-taking tools, the manager finally got honest with the employee and told him that he was giving the wrong impression. The employee finally did as asked. The act of taking notes brought him closer to the table and the instances of him completing promised tasks went up significantly. Also, the VP stopped talking about having him fired!

What's Your Sign?

Don't worry, this page hasn't turned into an online dating site, I'm not talking about your ZODIAC sign, I'm actually talking about your BEHAVIOR. If you stopped and took a moment to scribble on a sign or a bumper sticker WHAT you were intending with your behavior, what would it say?

Make no mistake, behavior is like a huge, flashing neon sign to others. They see that non-verbal sign and make assumptions and judgements based on what they see. People react MORE to your behavior than your words. IF your words and behavior don't match up, then people have a harder time interacting with you in a positive way.

Guess what? BEHAVIOR is an OFFER in the improv of life.

It would be simpler if people were honest and upfront about their BEHAVIOR but most aren't because they aren't even AWARE of their behavior and how it impacts their world.

I was driving down the Maple Valley highway behind a guy in a dark blue Toyota Tacoma with a very simple, plain bumper sticker that read, "I tend to go the speed limit".

Extremely curious, I followed him for awhile to see if his behavior matched his "sign". I found out this guy was true to his word. He stuck to that speed limit, or a couple miles under. He stayed in the right lane and many people passed him on the left. This guy's bumper sticker - his sign- was very clear. And helpful. He spelled it out for other drivers before we had to figure it out by observing his behavior.

If ONLY everyone in life would be so transparent about their behavior.

Think about it . . . If you were on the road with "I tend to get distracted while I drive and float between the lanes", you'd been on guard, right? If you were passing "I tend to pick my nose when I drive" you could avoid looking over and seeing that gross-ness.

Taking that to the world, wouldn't you immediately know how to deal with the co-worker with the sign around their neck that read, "I tend to over-promise and under-deliver"?

Of course you would.  You'd probably steer clear of the new guy with the sign reading, "I tend to steal everyone's ideas and pass them off as my own".

Sigh. It would be grand if we could so quickly understand what was going on, what was being offered. 

But, most people aren't as self-aware as the guy in the Toyota Tacoma. The thing to remember is, that while you have to OBSERVE and LISTEN to fully understand what another person is offering with their behavior you have the CHOICE to be crystal-clear in YOUR behavior.

Just like someone with a clear sign on their car, or around their neck. If your BEHAVIOR matches your words. If your ACTIONS match your intent, people have an easier time understanding what is going on and how to best respond to what you are putting out there - to what you are OFFERING them in this big, ol' IMPROV of life.

By the way, what would YOUR sign -or bumper sticker say? 

Mine would say this:

NOTE: There are lots of great very physical improv games that are great at helping align idea/thoughts and behavior. 

The 4 People Who'll Kill Your Team

We're all on teams; at work and when we volunteer. Here are some of the people that will kill your team and why. Leaders, if you see this behavior, don't let it persist -course correction is required. I'm a big fan of behavior/impact statements. Even if you want to say, "You're a jerk." You'll get a lot farther if you describe the behavior and the negative impact it has.


 

Glum -this person will never come up with ideas of their own but will constantly remind you that yours won't work.
Set the ground rules . . .
If you have an employee like this make it clear that they need to stop the behavior. When you hear it, course correct quickly and privately. "Comments like that are not productive. If you see an issue, you need to come up with a solution."




The Marine Sergeant - this person is an aggressive and loud bully. They will do anything it takes to make sure you realize how great they are and their idea is. No one can defend themselves or get a word in edgewise.
Set the ground rules . . . 
If this person is your boss or someone with control over your job, the harsh truth is - it might be time to find another job. Bullies-as-leaders are rarely known to get better and they usually place more bullies around them.
If this person is a co-worker, use behavior/impact statements like, "When you raise your voice and pound on the table, it becomes very difficult to have a conversation. Let's come back to this topic when you aren't raising your voice to me."




The Critic - this person never has a positive thing to say.
Turn it around . . . 
Whether you work for this person or this person works for you, you can always ask this person, to list the things that they see working well. In other words, in addition to their criticism, find out what they think is working; in this way you'll get them to start looking at the full picture.



Tom Sawyer - this person manages to get out of doing any actual work.
Set the ground rules . . .
Keep yourself on guard for manipulation. Say, "no", when you need to. If you lead this person, then ask set clear expectations and don't reward this employee if all his/her work has been done by others.

We Know When You're Lying

Professional actors learn to watch others and study the way words combine with behavior for different meanings. These performers consciously choose their behavior in a scene to combine with words for a desired effect. They understand that sometimes what a person is thinking might not match what they are doing. When aiming for a portrayal of honesty and truth, they are thinking honest thoughts, they are matching their words to their actions so their words support their behavior. These performers are also aware of the disconnect between thoughts, words and actions. When done effectively, dissonance between thoughts, words and actions makes good theatre and we can see the character lying, conniving or trying to deceive.

Think of your favorite movie, TV show or play,  consider those scenes where a character is saying one thing but thinking and doing another. Sometimes it is played for comic effect. Sometimes it heightens the drama or the mystery. As we watch those scenes it is obvious to us what is going on.

Great leaders understand that it is obvious in real life, too! People know when you're lying because they see that your words don't match your behavior. They come to the conclusion that you must be thinking something devious or untruthful if your words don't match your behavior!

Do you have co-workers who say one thing but do another? Do you trust them? Do you call them out or let it slide?