When Questions Should be Statements

Whenever I teach Sunday school, or teach performance classes, there's always THAT kid.

I'm talking about the kid who always says "no".

This is the kid who blocks everything.

I love that kid.

That kid keeps me on my toes.

That kid forces me to improvise even MORE creatively!

But, most importantly, THAT kid reminds me to

STOP ASKING QUESTIONS THAT ONLY HAVE ONE ANSWER!

(Just a note: I'm not talking about those teacher/student questions like: "On what day was FDR born?" I'm talking about those CONVERSATIONAL questions for which you expect a very specific response!)

When I ask something inane such as, "Who wants to try that again?" I expect a chorus of eager faces yelling an excited, "Yes!"

What I get is everyone in the class saying "Yes" except THAT kid, who's saying, "No."

Blocking.

Even worse, it's my own darned fault. I asked a question when I should've made a statement!

I always teach my improv students to make statements instead of asking questions but, sometimes I'm my own forgetful student!

So, I say a silent thank-you to THAT kid for blocking and then I turn it into a statement and say what I should've said in the FIRST place, "We are going to try that again."

Not a question. Simply a statement. And the kids try it again. Even THAT kid!

When I'm teaching improv, the reason I ask the class to refrain from asking questions is because it muddies up the communication.

In improv, when you turn a statement into a question, you give your POWER away. You've removed YOUR decision, YOUR choice and thrown it back to your scene partner.

I think most of us have had that wishy-washy boss who has created an art form out of turning statements-into-questions. That boss that leads you to believe that you have a choice and then you feel like a jerk when you give the "wrong" answer.

This leader asks,"Do you have time to work on that budget report today?" and you respond with a "I can't, actually. I'm finishing the Steven's proposal today. It's due at the end of the week."

Um. Yeah.

Then the leader backtracks and admits that it WASN'T REALLY A QUESTION.

What the leader really meant to say was, "I know we're slammed right now and that the Steven's proposal has been your main focus this week, however, I need the budget report completed today."

Okay. That's VERY clear. I'm going to get that budget report done.

I think that some of us ask questions all the time because it seems "nicer". It seems less demanding. It seems less bossy. But, sometimes we ARE the "boss" of a situation and we need to make the non-negotiables as clear as possible.

I know that some of you are afraid that if you only make statements you'll look like a demanding, bossy control freak.

I'm here to tell you that, in an improv scene it will create a great and very clear scene but, in the improv of life your fears are very real; you WILL look like a bossy control freak if you ONLY make statements!

You've got to throw in those questions, too! That's just the give-and-take of real relationships.

The key, my friends,  is knowing WHEN to make a statement and when to ask a question.

The only way you'll know when to make a statement and when to ask a question is after you've decided what IS and what ISN'T non-negotiable in the current situation.

So today, practice making statements on your non-negotables and do your best to only ask questions when you will genuinely act on any answer!

Hollywood Stars And Your Elevator Speech

It is award season. I'm a performer so I watch pretty much every award show and I quite often cringe at the acceptance speeches. Sometimes I have to leave the room they are so awkward.

I'm convinced that someone could make an absolute FORTUNE coaching nominees on how to write and perform a kick-butt acceptance speech. I see so many performers stumbling over their words, reciting a boring laundry list of thanks; or worse, announcing that they are unprepared, "Gee, I didn't think I'd win so I didn't write a speech." That's crap. What they've done is wasted the audience's time and wasted a moment when they could've made a genuine connection with their fans and with others in the business who might want to work with them in the future.

I started thinking, a kick-butt acceptance speech isn't much different than a kick-butt elevator speech.

Here are some tips:

• Be genuine. People can see through the bull. Don't say what you think people want to hear; share what genuinely means something to you. If you are showing off or connecting on a superficial level you could find yourself making a bad impression; or working on a project that doesn't interest you in the least!
• Tailor your communication to each person. The Grammys are more relaxed than the Oscars. What goes for Grammys might not work at the Oscars. Define who it is you want to connect with and what you would say if you were given the opportunity.
• Don't recite a "laundry list"-for celebrity-types it would sound like, "I'd like to thank my agent, my producer, the Hollywood Foreign Press. For business-types it would sound like, "I did this. I did that. I did the other." Boring. And, you just blew your chance to make a real connection.
• Pay attention to what goes on in your company and your industry. Talk about THAT rather than yourself. "Hey, congrats on landing that big client. After your work on a-b-c project I'm sure they were dying to have you." 
• Ask questions to find out how YOU can help the person you want to work for. "Is this project going to involve any global marketing?"
• Listen to the answer, if you -or someone you know- can help, then offer that. "That's great. Our department just started a global initiative. Let any of us know if you need some help."
• Wrap it up well, circling back to the OTHER person. Not yourself. "Great talking with you. Again, congrats on that new client."
• Practice -Don't skip this part, it is crucial! Practice in your car. Practice in front of a mirror.