Seriously Sarcastic

Comedy is creative. Comedy is difficult to do well.

I don't think I've ever been to a comedy club because I am terrified. I am terrified that I'll be in the audience when one of THOSE comics is onstage.

I'm talking about the kind that use sarcasm and cutting remarks about OTHERS to make funny. It is SUCH an easy way to amuse. It is also a GREAT way to show how clever and smart you are.

Not my style. 

I think cutting remarks and sarcasm creates up a barrier between audience and performer.

I think it even puts up MORE of a barrier between co-workers, friends and loved ones.

If you are frustrated, and feeling like you cannot get close to people, it might be time to take a look at how you INTERACT with them. Are you hiding behind cutting remarks and sarcasm to show others how smart and witty you are?

Here's a great article on SARCASM and the forms it takes, none of them positive!

When you're "doing a scene" in life that doesn't go well at all, take a step back and replay the dialogue in your head. Were your remarks cutting or sarcastic?

Sometimes, in improv class, I ask participants to re-do a scene with the same OPENING line with a completely new response. It is a great way to show participants how improv scenes can go a zillion different ways.

Life scenes are exactly the same.

If you suspect that people are avoiding you, just like I avoid comedy clubs, because of the danger of cutting/sarcastic remarks, the best way to know for sure is to ask some people you know and trust.

If you want an example of sarcasm, Dr. Cox from the TV show, "Scrubs" is a good example. Would you want to work with this guy?

Uncensored

We all have uncensored thoughts. What we choose to do with those thoughts can make a huge difference in our lives.

EVEN when doing an improv scene those uncensored thoughts pop up.

When I worked doing comedy improv at Disney it was especially important to keep it family-friendly. Well, sometimes the first THOUGHT in your mind isn’t family-friendly, especially when doing comedy!

Sooooo, we rehearsed and practiced and that helped us keep the unclean comedy to ourselves!

In the improv of life, it’s different, those uncensored thoughts are often quick, EMOTIONAL gut reactions to something. But, you can STILL rehearse and practice to keep those uncensored thoughts to yourself! I don't know about you, but, when the emotion is negative and I blurt out the first thing on my mind, I typically regret it.

Sometimes, I see the little notice on LinkedIn "Say happy work anniversary" attached to someone's name.

Then, I think to myself, "Wow! You're still THERE? Man, your behavior was AWFUL 3 years ago, I wonder what it's like now."

(I get even WORSE thoughts if I see they've been promoted to a leadership position when my experience of their behavior would put them on the bottom of my should-manage-others list!)

I keep those thoughts to myself by taking my hands OFF of the keyboard and saying to my dogs EXACTLY what I’m thinking. I get it out of my system in an appropriate way! 

It takes thinking creatively and QUICKLY so the uncensored thought can be replaced with a BETTER thought before damaging or inappropriate WORDS come out of your mouth –or onto a computer screen!

Lately, though, it seems like more and more people just BLURT out –or type out- those uncensored thoughts.

I read once that the most successful people in this world are able to CONTAIN those uncensored thoughts and not just share the first thing that comes into their heads.

I agree with that.

I used to work with a man who would immediately say, “NO! That’s impossible!” whenever he was asked to do something last-minute for anyone. It was really destructive and he got a bad reputation and (between you and me) was nearly let go in a round of layoffs.

The funny thing was, he nearly ALWAYS delivered. He just couldn’t stop himself from appearing angry and saying “NO!” when he was frustrated with being asked to do something in a rush.

Get creative, what are your emotional triggers? What can you say or do before you blurt out something that you’ll regret?

In the case of “no-man” I asked him if he could replace “NO” with something else. We brainstormed for a few minutes, we came up with some positive options:

“Let me see what I can do.”

“Give me a minute to think about it.”

“I think that could work.”

He finally settled on “Can I have a minute to think it through?” Then, he’d take a breath and think about it before giving an answer.

Slowly but surely, people's attitude about "no-man" changed to the positive.

Writer Jon Acuff uses “You might be right” whenever someone gives him "feedback" that initially bothers him. I love that because you aren't agreeing with the feedback and you aren't disagreeing with the feedback.

Get creative! How can you stop your uncensored thoughts from damaging your life (and career)??

This is What a Dream Come True Looks Like

This marquee.

This represents a dream come true.

A dream come true that continues to come true.

In November of 2008, after only 5 rehearsals, my "Nephew" Aaron and I brought our show to the stage.

And we've been going strong ever since (and plan to keep going strong.) The show featured in this marquee was our 5th anniversary show and our 60th show together, too. I love it when things synch up like that.

Pastor Steven Furtick says, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."

This marquee is our highlight reel. A few other pieces of our highlight reel include:

• Being chosen for King County 4Culture's Touring Arts Roster of juried acts
• Performing all over the Pacific NW and two trips to perform at Breakthrough Theatre of Winter Park, FL
• Newspaper articles written
• Magazine articles written
• Parade appearances
• Performing for hundreds of people at a time

What was behind-the-scenes was:

• Late nights spent writing jokes, poring over music, listening to music, choosing music, creating a website, Facebook presence, Twitter presence and Instagram presence
• Hours of rehearsal together and separately on all the pieces of the show
• Hours of rehearsing and performing PRIOR to joining forces and creating a show (We both, separately have OVER the amount of hours that according to Malcolm Gladwell would put us into the "outlier" category.)
• Emails to potential venues that were never answered
• Checks that bounced from venues where we performed
• Hours of texts and phone calls
• Hundreds of dollars spent on costumes, props, music, etc
• Shows where only 9 people showed up
• Sore feet, sore voices, sore backs

And it was ALL worth it. Your dream is worth it, too! Keep going friends, keep going!

Didn't Your Mama Teach You Better?

Do you say "thank you"? Do you express gratitude?

My Mama taught me to express thanks as soon as I could speak. If someone gave me something; did something nice for me, or paid me a compliment, I was supposed to say, "thank you." As I grew older, I saw that when I expressed thanks for small kindnesses I was rewarded with smiles, and more kindness. And, when

Thanking someone is simple manners. But you'd be surprised how many people don't use this courtesy. It isn't a small thing, either. Being able to thank others is the first step towards gratitude. The first step towards creating a world where you are hopeful for what may be and grateful for what you have.

When you express thanks to others, it builds up a savings account of goodwill. When you go beyond thanks and express genuine gratitude for another's contribution in your life you become a leader.

I've said it many times before, we create the world around us. Each interaction with another human being is a scene and it can go a zillion different ways. Some scenes are completely predictable.

There was a VP where I worked a few years ago who was notorious for not saying "thank you". So notorious, in fact, that some of us had to make a joke out of it. (It was one of those if-you-can't-laugh-you-might-punch-a-VP situations.) 

The communal doors in the office were clear glass, if one of us approached a door at the same time he did, even if our hands were full, he'd stop, and wait until the person on the other side of the door pulled out their badge, swiped it over the pad and opened the door. IF he spoke, he'd say something (he thought was) funny like, "About time," and then chuckle and pass through. Not a word of thanks.

One of my co-workers and I had a kind of shorthand. "Three," I'd say to my friend. That meant: 3 times today I held the door, or did something else, for that VP and three times he didn't say thank you. 

It was shocking, when, one day, this man actually said, "Thank you," when I held the door for him. He even looked a little surprised when he said it. 

Unfortunately, he never said it again. There was a glimmer of hope there. I saw, for a moment, what a kind, good man he could be. I wish he'd lived up to the promise.

There's a common improv game that I call "The Gift". In this game, all players stand in a circle and Player 1 hands Player 2 something, saying, "I got you ". Player 2 then expresses surprise and gratitude at such an amazing gift (no matter what it is) and tells what he/she will DO with this wonderful gift.

Imagine, if we did that in our own lives? Expressed thanks and gratitude for EVERYTHING we were given.

Yes, even the bad stuff. Even the weird stuff. Even the sad stuff.

Imagine the world YOU could create if you added even the tiniest bit of gratitude to your life, every day?

The Terror of the Blank Page

Blank page. Staring at me

For most of us, it's easier to start with ANYTHING rather than with a blank page.

We think we need at least something, even one little thing, to grab ahold of, like a life raft.

But, the thing is, while the blank page is in FRONT of me, there's inspiration all around me.

I see the sunlight slanting through the window. There are dust specks floating through the air and I think, for just a moment, that maybe I should vacuum instead of write.

I smell the clean scent of the scarf I'm wearing, I wound it around my neck, fresh from the dryer.

I hear the dogs chewing on their carrots, the older one patiently letting the puppy steal one from him.

I feel the soft leather cushion of the couch and think about all the things we've done on and around this couch; sleeping, watching movies, making forts, holding babies -the list is endless.

I taste the carrot that I've saved for myself, the dogs looking at me accusingly because I've dared take one of their treats.

Each of those things swirled around my consciousness as I typed my first words on a blank page.  Any of those things could be the start of a story, the start of an improv, the start of a blog post, the start of a painting, the start of a musical composition. The fact is, there is always something around us to inspire..

When I'm coaching, I will sometimes ask my students to start from an entirely blank place.

"Do a scene," I'll say. That's a blank page. Full of possibility. Where to go?

I see the relief in their eyes; feel the relief of tension in their bodies when I give my improv students a place to start from. They really don't need it, but, they THINK they do.

Just look around, there's SO much inspiration everywhere, even in the mundane.

Show me the MONEY

Does money have a place in creativity?

Do you need money to be creative?

Do you need money to START a creative venture?

Is there some creative venture you'd LOVE to plunge into BUT you need more money? I think you CAN do it. I just think it means being CREATIVE about getting to that place where you can earn your living doing something creative.

My husband owns his own business. He makes leather bags. He designs, patterns, and builds leather bags. He started his business -his creative business- without carrying ANY debt because he started it while he was working at another job.

His other job provided a good income, so, he purchased some leather and the basic equipment he'd need to start this business. Then, after work (and sometimes before) he started making bags and belts and wallets.

On his days off, he went out and sold his bags and belts and wallets. He got better and better at it. Any money he earned, he put BACK into the business. Upgrading his tools and equipment as he went along.

Yes, he gave up some things to see his creative enterprise take off. Fewer nights out with friends. Fewer dinners out. Late nights and long weekends spent working. But, it was all worth it.

Eventually, he began doing leather working full-time and THAT became his job. His only source of income. He's been running his own business since 1996. It grows every year.

I share this story because sometimes I think we creative types get decidedly UN-creative about earning money doing the creative things we love.

Yes, it takes hustle. It takes work. It ALSO takes CREATIVITY. You, my friends, have oodles of that. So, start getting creative what can you do NOW, today, to get your creative venture off the ground, without going into debt and then start earning you money?

Of COURSE You Can Quit

Some days, it might feel like you cannot change things where you are.

Sometimes, it takes getting creative.

Sometimes, you have to take your creative self somewhere ELSE! Sometimes it takes QUITTING to change the world.

Here's a little story.

I worked in an accounting office. Weird for me, because it was an uncreative JOB but, I really liked the company I worked for and my coworkers were great. It wasn't a bad way to make a living. But, the rigid 8am - 5pm with an enforced hour-for-lunch schedule was a killer.

I politely asked to adjust my schedule. Noting that it could be good for the company as we dealt with East Coast companies and by the time we started our day it was already 11 am there. If I could start earlier, we would have an earlier half hour in the office with the East Coast. My requests to shift my schedule by 1/2 hour were denied.

The personal reason I wanted to flex my schedule was that with the bus schedules I was spending up to 2 hours EACH day in traffic, waiting to clock in, or waiting for a bus. By just shifting to a 7:30-4:30 schedule not only would we have MORE coverage in the office to answer phones BUT, I'd personally get back time with my family each week.

I did my best to creatively fill -not kill- my time, I walked, I read, I listened to music -but what I really wanted was more TIME with my family.

So, after my requests were denied a couple of times, I gave up on THAT place and started looking for another job, closer to home; and I found it! The new job that was 20 - 30 minutes from my house (and paid better). In the time it usually took me to drive to the park and ride station, I was getting to work! It was unbelievable, I gained another 1 - 2 hours with my family EACH day! That was up to 10 hours each WEEK! 

My boss at the previous company offered me MORE money to stay. Again, I asked her if I could flex my schedule. She said, "no". So, I politely declined and went to work at the new place. Better pay. MUCH shorter commute. 

Guess what? After I left, one of the bigwigs at the company I'd left started asking around as to why I'd quit. When someone (honestly) told him it was because I wanted to flex my schedule by 1/2 hour each day, he started questioning people in my former office. Turns out, they ALL wanted to flex their schedules. Turns out the flex schedules meant there would be people covering the office MORE hours each day. My former boss was instructed to review each employee's schedule requests on a case-by-case basis and approve the requests that were reasonable. Turns out the people in the department were happier with their new schedules. Turns out morale went up and employee turnover went DOWN. 

Turns out I changed that small corner of the world, after all with my creative idea.

Just because people don't (initially) like your creative idea doesn't mean they are wrong. Or bad people. It doesn't even mean your idea is bad. It just might mean that your idea and the people you work with/for aren't ready for those creative ideas of yours!

It's okay to take your creative self and move on, look for a better fit for YOU.

Basic Conversation 101: Creepy versus Not Creepy

When I ask new students at my improv for non actors class what skills they want to take away, many of them say they just want to improve their conversational skills. And, guess what!? I have exercises for that.

In fact THIS past Wednesday night it came up. I didn't get THIS far into it, but, driving home, I thought about the creepy versus not creepy factor in conversations. So, since I didn't get a chance to share it with the class, I thought I'd share it with YOU, dear readers!

As I teach my improv students, "A scene is enhanced by specifics," so, I'll be specific.

Creepy covers all sorts of things but mostly they fall into these categories.

1.  REFERRING TO SOMEONE'S APPEARANCE OR PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES IF YOU'VE JUST MET THEM -OR BARELY KNOW THEM. 

You look sexy in that dress. Creepy.

What a great dress. Not creepy.

You look tired, too much going on at night? Wink. Nudge. Creepy.

How is your day going? Not creepy.

(Said to a pregnant woman) When is that baby gonna pop? Creepy
You seem happy. Not creepy.

I want to (fill in the blank)  John in accounting. Creepy.
I have a crush on John in accounting. Less creepy.
Silence. Not creepy.

Commenting on someone's physical appearance is dicey, even if you do know them. But, if you barely know them. Just drop that subject.

2. TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFORMATION TOO SOON -ESPECIALLY IF IT IS VIOLENT OR SEXUAL IN NATURE.

When I was a kid, I fantasized about killing my parents with a baseball bat while they slept. CREEPY.
I didn't have a great childhood. Not creepy. 

This is stuff you share MAYBE with a close confidant. Not a casual acquaintance.

3. INAPPROPRIATE OR UNEXPECTED EMOTION

Crying while discussing a pet that is alive and well just because you love that pet SOOOOO much. Creepy.
Calmly discussing a pet that is alive and well. Not creepy.

This is similar to too much information. Crying or laughing or other emotional outbursts that don't fit the topic will always have the effect of making your conversation partner uncomfortable.

4. COMMENTS THAT HAVE NO RELATION TO WHAT WAS JUST SAID.

You: Nice job with the Winston presentation!
CoWorker: I'm going to Spain next month. Creepy.

You: Nice job with the Winston presentation!
CoWorker: Thanks, that one was touch and go but I made it! Not Creepy.

This behavior makes people think you aren't listening! Our son used to just blurt out the word "pizza" when he was uncomfortable. It was darned frustrating to have a conversation with him when he did that, let me tell you. He's stopped that behavior (thank goodness) but some adults do similar in conversation and then wonder why they can't connect!

5. ASSUMING FAMILIARITY AND/OR "SELLING".

(Said within 5 minutes of meeting)
You and me should be best friends? You should come over and meet the wife and kids. When are you free? Tonight? Have you ever heard of Amway? I can tell you'd be JUST the type of gal who'd love it! Creepy.
It was great talking with you. Not creepy.

Even dropping the Amway sales pitch from the previous scenario, when you make quick assumptions or get too familiar with people they instantly activate their heat shields and step away.

6. PUNS OR WISECRACKS ON THE LITERAL MEANINGS OF A WORD SOMEONE SPEAKS-ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE IN ANY WAY SEXUAL IN NATURE

You, in reference to an event you plan to attend: I'll be coming
CoWorker: That's what she said. Creepy.

These types of "jokes" makes people think you aren't listening but, instead waiting for "cue" words to make your groaner joke.

7. ACTIVELY NOT LISTENING (Thanks to my friend, Alora, for this one!)

Let me stop you right there. Creepy.
Tell me more. Not creepy.

Unless you can -with 100% accuracy- read someone's mind, it is rude and disrespectful to ASSUME that you know what they are going to say.

This list is FAR from complete. Part of conversing is LISTENING and watching VISUAL cues from your conversation partner. If they look visibly uncomfortable, you might've just gone into "creepy" territory. Best bet then, is to say, "Oh, I think I may have put my foot into my mouth. I'm sorry."

Each conversation is a scene you are acting out with another person. Keep it light, keep it fun (without trying to "be funny") when you first meet someone and you'll have a greater chance at success.

 will continue this series! My next topic will HOW to start a conversation, when to KEEP up a conversation and gracefully EXITING a conversation!

Are You Asking to be Fired?

In this scene from Disney's "The Jungle Book", King Louie sings "I wanna walk like you/talk like you". He "gets" it that the way we MOVE can send messages as strongly as our words.



During improv class, I lead silent exercises that explore PHYSICAL behavior. In this way, my participants create a visual image from which others make immediate assumptions.

The exercise begins with simply walking, then, I ask participants to shift their body weight and center of focus so they are carrying themselves in different ways.

Then I ask, what does that physicality TELL you about that person you've become? What immediate assumptions do you make? For example, if you pass by somebody who walks very firmly with their chest puffed out what assumption do you make? Pompous, self-assured, cocky, jock, full-of-themselves is what I typically hear.

Its fun to explore physical behavior as a spice to improv class, and an enhancement of the characters we do in scenes. In real life, I challenge you to spend a day paying attention to what you THINK about others just by the way they walk and carry their bodies.

Next, I challenge you to pay attention to how YOU carry yourself? When you are interacting in the scenes of life, what messages are you sending?

The scary thing is, that you are probably creating a positive (or negative) impression whether you speak or not!

Since I'm an actor-type, I observe people and their behavior (and speech) all the time for my work. In an improv I might pull out a physical behavior or voice that I've seen out in public! This is great in the real world too, because once you can really hone in on someone's specific behavior, you can creatively deconstruct it and have an easier time addressing it!

 I once coached a manager who had an employee she wanted to put on a performance plan. (Translation: We want to fire this dude but we know we have to do it legally.)

The employee was a generally nice, positive guy but "kind of slacker," she said. The manager really had no concrete examples or reasons to want to put him on a performance plan.

I asked her what she meant by the word "slacker" since this man certainly didn't present himself that way when I saw him around the office. After beating a few bushes, it came down to this: the VP of the department didn't like him. The VP of the department was the one who thought this employee was a "slacker" and wanted this guy gone. Adding fuel to the fire was the fact that this employee sometimes failed to do what he'd agreed to do in those meetings.

"Does he take notes during these meetings?" I asked.

"No," said the manager, "He doesn't even bring anything to take notes WITH," she said.

"Does he sit up straight in his chair and lean in when others speak?"

Again, the answer was a "No." In fact, when the manager really broke down the behavior,  this employee would push his chair away from the table and stretch out, lounging in the chair, almost as if he were watching TV. Sometimes he'd even put his hands behind his head and look at the ceiling.

If that isn't an "I'm-not-working-right-now" pose, I don't know what is!

"So, basically, this guy is giving the impression that meetings are break times and there's nothing noteworthy going on." I said.

No WONDER the VP thought he was a slacker! He was basing his opinion of this employee purely from the BEHAVIORAL cues this guy was sending.

I suggested that the manager simply ask this employee to sit up straight at the table and bring something to take notes with. Writing down the things he'd promised to do would at least give the IMPRESSION that he cared about the tasks the VP had assigned him. After a couple instances of "forgetting" note-taking tools, the manager finally got honest with the employee and told him that he was giving the wrong impression. The employee finally did as asked. The act of taking notes brought him closer to the table and the instances of him completing promised tasks went up significantly. Also, the VP stopped talking about having him fired!

Be Gone, You Have No Power Here

Today I forgot that I have the magical superpower of choice.

Today, I received a nasty email -sent from one member- to an entire group of which I'm a part. I'm not too proud to admit that the email PISSED ME OFF when I first read it.

Has that ever happened to you? Someone's words slice into your happy day and leave you shocked, bleeding, and angry?

"What the he$* is  THINKING?" I shouted at the screen.

I stood up. Fumed around. Stomped around. Sat down and started to type a response.

Then I had this superpower flash. (Thank goodness.) I remembered that life is one big improv. For every offer (like that email) there are a zillion ways I can respond. In the privacy of my own home, responding to an email, I have the luxury of time. I have the breathing room to try out a bunch of different responses BEFORE the crazy-monkey-mad-fight-or-flight part of my brain feeds me nasty words and has me hit "reply all".

In this life-scene, the flame throwing email-writer WANTED to get a reaction -this person was writing the entire scene, instead of inviting participation! Not on my watch! From a place of calm, I was able to process it. I brainstormed a little which brought me to some realizations:

• This person has a pattern of aggressiveness via email.
• This person has a pattern of criticizing but not participating. 

Oh my word.

I succumbed! I gave POWER over my emotions! 

Only for a minute, though.

Then I laughed and deleted my response to the original email.

I did my best Billie-Burke-as-Glinda impersonation and said to the inflammatory email, "Be GONE. You have no power here," and deleted it.

I blocked the offer. I refused to play that scene.

With that choice I cannot re-read the email and get mad all over again.

With that choice I cut those words out of my life.

I reclaimed my super power.

I'm SO glad I didn't send that email I started.

Next time,  I won't let it bother me at all.

The Worst Boss Ever

Some people are better off NOT being in charge.

Sadly, decision-makers in MOST organizations in this improv of life, haven't realized this. They haven't yet moved to a place where they have figured out HOW to honor talent and seniority WITHOUT placing that person in charge of other living, breathing human beings. (I'm talking the entire spectrum of organizations: businesses, non-profits, churches, clubs - any organized group of folks.)

This is especially true in the business world where it is unusual to give someone a SIGNIFICANT raise WITHOUT promoting them to management. If you're getting ready to hit "send" on that application for a manager job within your organization, or you've just been offered a promotion to a leadership position after years of faithful service I ask you to please think about the JOB, not the MONEY.

That's a difficult challenge, I know.

If you are wildly creative type and never follow the rules, I applaud you! I want to work on a team with you. That's a great recipe for being self-employed (or an employee of a wonderful leader) but its a lousy recipe for being in charge of other creative, feeling humans UNLESS, you also posses the special sauce - an extremely practical side. Those creatives that have that practical, organized swirl in their personality seem to be able to handle managing others just fine.

If you've been offered a position of leading others,  I'm going to give you the fine print. I'm sharing the stuff that you must be WILLING to do if you AGREE to the money and the authority. This is the stuff HR probably won't tell you before you sign on the dotted line.

To be in charge of other people, you have to be willing to . . .

1. Ask other people to do things . . . and be willing to do them yourself if they don't get it done. 
2. Hold other people accountable  . . . and hold yourself to an even higher standard.
3. Behave in the way you expect your team to behave.
4. Take all the blame and give all the credit.
5. Assume all the risk. 
6. Have the tough conversations . . . which may include telling someone they have a noticeable body odor or are wearing something inappropriate.
7. Follow the rules (and sometimes laws) of the organization in which you're involved . . . even if you privately disagree.
8. Treat your team equally . . . even those folks who rub you the wrong way.
9. Do the paperwork . . . all of it.
10. Run the meetings . . . and keep everyone on task.
11. Listen to your team but make the final decisions . . . even the unpopular ones.
12. Let your team do things THEIR way . . . even if it isn't the way YOU would do it.
13. Spend individual time with each member of your team on a regular basis . . . especially when you are busy.
14. Take the time to give complete, specific and direct instruction . . . especially when training someone on how to do something new.

If you want to be an effective leader there's really no gaming it. Either you can do what the job requires, or you can't. 

That doesn't mean you cannot do all those things in your own UNIQUE and CREATIVE way. In fact, your team will love you if you can do all of those things in your own way and not mimic a cookie-cutter style of leadership. But, be warned if you ignore -or dismiss as unimportant- any of the items on the list above, you will create a MESS. 

Here's a true story. Max (name changed to protect the innocent) was an eccentric, acerbic, innovative and creative designer. Max was a prickly pear, but, charming in his own unique way. Max was able to take all the specifications of a job and turn them into something unique and original so others forgave him his peculiar habits. However, he had been with the organization for years and hadn't had a significant pay increase because the arbitrary pay-scale folks determined he was already being paid higher than what his job title allowed. Max was feeling unappreciated because his paycheck didn't reflect his contribution to the organization.

Rather than do something unique and create a new job title (with a higher maximum pay rate), the powers-that-be decided that Max should be a MANAGER! To his credit, Max was leery, but he wanted the money he (rightly) deserved. So, he became a manager. It was a disaster.

Honestly, he was one of the worst bosses I've ever encountered. He never talked to his team. He never listened to his team. He resented the administrative paperwork so he didn't do it, which meant his team's performance reviews were turned in late and it affected their bonuses and raises. He didn't get to create amazing anymore, he just SUPERVISED the creation of things and loudly complained that his team wasn't making things as amazing as HE would make them -even to the point of insulting his staff. Obviously, quality suffered. The team was in shambles.

Max took his frustration out on anyone who would listen. Hours were spent in HR trying to deal with the problem. Everyone involved was miserable. The employees who reported to Max and who actually stayed with the company requested transfers to another team. Finally, he was DEMOTED back to the job he loved.

But nothing was ever quite right again.

Are you ready to lead others?

Have I left anything off the list that you think is crucial to leading others?

Stop Copying

Being unique is a choice.

It's a risky choice that many people don't want to take.

Isn't it funny, though, that when someone DOES make that risky choice, others follow suit. The copycats come out. They want to dress like; look like; or create a product like that successful NEW thing. They want a little part of the creativity and innovation.

Today, I challenge you to get out of a copying mindset and get in to a creating mindset.

Baby steps are easy:

• Instead of reading the bestseller that everyone else is reading, find an obscure writer and see if there's something there that intrigues.
• Instead of seeing that blockbuster, find an indy film.
• Instead of wearing the latest fashion trend, wear something that you LOVE.
• Instead of brainstorming to create something LIKE another something that's popular right now, brainstorm to create something that fills a NEED.

My Love Affair

Confession time; my name is Michele and I have a crush on a non-fiction, "Business"-type author. (Please don't tell John Irving).

The man I'm in love with is author Marshall Goldsmith who wrote the leadership book  "What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful".

Okay, you "I-won't-be-caught-dead-reading-a-business-book"-types, please go with me here, for a couple of minutes . . .

Just 40 pages into this tome, Marshall unleashes the big guns, his list of the 20 Bad Habits: Challenges to Interpersonal Behavior.

Wow! My crush began right there. This stuff is GOOD and it goes BEYOND the workplace.

So, indulge me. Take a minute now and LOOK at that list. I'll be right here when you're finished. Then, we'll talk.

Okay, finished? Was your first reaction the same as mine? When I first read that list, I cringed because I've been guilty of ALL of those behaviors at one point or another. Ugh. That hurt!

Next, it HIT me that it's a shame that this is a "Business" book because, I really wished some of my creative associates and non-Corporate associates would read this book and we could all take a look at how we interact with one another.

Further DEEPENING my crush on Marsh (my pet name for him) was his advice on how to avoid MOST of this behavior. His advice didn't involve anything tricky at all. In fact, in most cases, the way to remedy this behavior is to STOP TALKING. Simple and brilliant, that MG! We can all stop talking, right?

The last thing that sealed the deal on this love affair was his advice on how to inspire others, especially if you're leading a team. The simple concept of FEED FORWARD. Feed forward accepts that fact that NO ONE has perfected time travel; and therefore no one is able to go back in time and do something differently. So, going backward in time and giving feedBACK is counter-productive. Instead, what we CAN do is behave differently in the FUTURE. A leader can ask for something to be done differently NEXT time -without dwelling on LAST time!

You might have noticed that, from time to time, I use one of Marshall Goldsmith's Bad Habits as a jumping off point for my own conversations on behavior in the creative arena, especially when I behave in a non-productive way (I'm not afraid to look a fool if it helps someone else) -or when I experience the destructive behavior as I interact with others as we ALL act out the scenes in this thing we all call "life". (In fact, my Oct 22 post referenced #2 - Adding too much value.)

I hope you read Marshall's book. At the very least, I hope you keep in mind the Bad Habits and turn them around to find greater success in your OWN life!

Which of the Bad Habits do you need to stop to create better relationships?
Which of the Bad Habits do you encounter MOST in your own life?

20 Minute Brain Dump

Brain dumps are as random
as this photo!

I didn't blog yesterday. Instead, I spent my writing time with my 89-year-old Auntie who is a joy to be around. She's the most positive person I know!

Today, during my blogging time, I decided to join my husband and walk our little man to school.

It doesn't mean, however, that I haven't had a bazillion creative ideas bashing about in my head!

Each day, my goal is to encourage others to think creatively, explore their creativity and unleash that creativity on the world.

So today I'm doing something that is part "Morning Pages" and part "talk to the wall" exercise. Basically it comes down to the same thing, dump out what's in your brain -either verbally or on paper or on computer- and see what "sticks". See what creative ideas might work. What might stick and then just letting go of the rest. Quantity NOT quality is the goal of this exercise.

As an example, here's my dump:

Tried to write a post on "rules" yesterday in the afternoon. I hated it so I dumped it. But, I did love the Pee Wee clip I added, so I'll put it here. 

I wonder what would happen if no one shopped on Thanksgiving or black Friday? Wouldn't the stores just have to make those sales on a different day? I worked 7 Thanksgivings (and Christmases) in a row when I performed at DisneyWorld and it was weird at first, I enjoyed being a special part of other people's holiday celebrations. Stores aren't creating special family moments. Stores are just trying to get us to spend money on stuff we probably don't need. I am closing my Macy's card account. I won't be shopping at Kohl's, JCP, Wal-mart or Target. After I made that decision, I went to my locally run drugstore and bought all the stuff I needed like TP, etc for less than I would've paid at Target. Kind of a lovely little, "it'll be okay" reminder. I lived without those stores before and I can live without them now. AND I saved money on gas. I'll have to get creative but I think that cutting those stores out of my life might actually be fun and freeing.

Maybe the key to getting rid of "sexy" costumes for females is to teach our sons to NOT react or give attention to women dressed that way.  On a separate note, the husband is planning a backlash on the sexy trend. He's going as a beer keg and plans to wear short-shorts with it. To be a sexy beer keg. I love my husband.

Debra Trappen of d11 consulting was right (and I knew she would be). She challenged me to get more involved with LinkedIn groups. I did. I started a conversation and some lovely people responded with some great things. It all happened faster than I expected. I love community. I love people who are smarter than I am and share their wisdom.

Times up. The little man is home from his 1/2 day at school. Yesterday, he built a car out of a cardboard box. He's been driving around the house from room to room. Kids are the best creative idea generators out there.

Now, you try! Do a brain dump. No filter. Just write what's on your mind. Doesn't even have to make sense!

My 2 Cents

When involved in a creative endeavor with a group of people, there's often that PERSON who feels compelled to add their 2 cents. And that's it. They don't do anything else but feel their entire value to the group is to add their 2 cents. And usually their 2 cents is destructive.

They aren't the person brainstorming ideas; they are the person sitting silently who AFTER a decision has been made and executed offers their "constructive" criticism which upsets and hurts those who were involved.

They aren't the energetic, full of life, person taking a risk on something new or different; they are the person hiding in the background, turning down each opportunity to be involved and then shredding to bits the risky, creative thing, often causing those creative risk-takers to take themselves right off to a new project or organization -leaving the original group with only this "helpful" do-nothing.

THOSE PEOPLE ARE TOXIC TO ANY TEAM.

Once, working as a volunteer with a non-profit, a group of us were working to create a new logo. It was regularly mentioned at meetings that this was happening; ideas were solicited but not much discussion occurred around this item. So, a small team went to work on this. The logo went through many revisions with the team and artists working together until it was finished. At that point, the logo was shared with the rest of the group. One group member who'd stayed silent until that point was quite critical (to the point of potentially insulting the designer, who'd volunteered their time).

THIS WAS TOXIC TO THE PROJECT.

I cannot stress it enough. Are YOU this person? Being honest, I know I have been this person from time to time. And I'm not proud of it. Face it, we ALL have been this person at one point or another.

Here's how you can STOP this behavior:

Think before you speak. Simple as that.

Ask yourself, "Have I taken every opportunity to be involved in the project/idea/initiative to which I am giving my opinion?"

Then, ask yourself, "Am I willing to be involved in this project/idea/initiative to which I am giving my opinion?"

If the answer is "No" to both questions, then DON'T SAY A WORD unless you are going to say something ENTIRELY positive.

Here's how you can HANDLE this behavior:

Take a deep breath. Then, politely but firmly tell the "critic" that the time for creative input has passed and that you are not asking for advice, merely sharing the outcome. In addition, you can ask them to get involved more deeply NEXT time.

Remember, unless you're willing to get your creative hands dirty; put your time and effort into an endeavor -your "opinion" is probably hurtful and unwelcome. So just be quiet. That's my 2 cents.

The Sandwich Artist

Sometimes, there's a creative synchronicity to life! Just after I made my "Use Your Words" post, I read this article on LinkedIn regarding the disconnect between the WORDS the company uses and the action of the employees. I hope you read the article, because it is quite good.

It reminds me that in building a culture ANYWHERE words must match actions. Therefore, words must be chosen carefully. If your company's mantra is "It's all about the customer" then EVERYTHING you do must be for the customer. All your creative energy should be focused on the customer. Customers NOTICE if you say, "We do this all for you" but then they get horrible customer service! If it really isn't all about the customer then choose a new slogan!

One thing I'm particularly sensitive about is the way companies tout creativity, imagination or innovation in their corporate slogans or verbiage when the reality is far from that! True creativity in the workplace is messy and asks questions and does things entirely differently and makes mistakes. If management doesn't support that in word and action then your workplace isn't really creative.

Case in point: Subway's term for their employees: SANDWICH ARTIST. Now, c'mon, really? The "Sandwich Artists" at Subway have a set and prescribed way to make a sandwich. They have NO creative control over the process. Or, if they exercise any creative control, I'm certain they are reprimanded for it.

On the other hand, Disney, calls all their park employees CAST MEMBERS. As an actor, at first that ruffled my fur, but, when I saw what Disney is about -creating a full environment, a story- it made perfect sense, the "Cast Members" are there to enact the story for you and they do that.

Does your company seem to encourage creativity through its use of words, but in action the C-level staff seems to discourage it?

What if?

What if?
What if today you laughed at your pet peeves?
What if today you made a list of all the things for which you are grateful?
What if today you imagined yourself in the shoes of the person you most dislike?
What if today you did something creative you don't usually do like draw a picture, take artsy photos, write, paint, sculpt, act, tell a joke?
What if today you gave a dollar to charity every time you complained about something?
What if today you did that one thing that gave you the most joy as a child?
What if you spoke up when someone was mean to someone else?
What if you held your tongue when someone made you angry?
What if today you chose to think differently about just ONE thing in your life?
What if?
Would your life be better?
Would your life be worse?
Would your life change at all?

Flip It, Flip It Good

What if today every time you thought you were right about something, you flipped it and took the opposite opinion or belief? What if today you flipped your need to be right and let everyone else be right?

Could you do it? I'm not sure I could! But, it would make for an interesting improvisational exercise, I think!

Albert Camus said, "The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind." 

But, I think it is a very real human emotion to want to BE right about everything in our lives. Maybe that is because, secretly we always feel the opposite. Or, maybe we need to feel right about everything because it keeps us in control of our lives.

What is being RIGHT all about anyway? Is it to have the BEST beliefs, ideas, judgments, opinions, way of doing something? Or is it deeper? 

Like anything else, I think the need to be right should be delivered in moderation, for if we are always right about everything then how do we learn?

We all have our habits and our opinions. When I look back in dismay over a disagreement I've had with someone else; if I can boil it down to my own personal need to be "right" in that moment, I typically wind up feeling ashamed. 

I watch with great interest when a friend will make a complaint or pronouncement of opinion on Facebook or Twitter. They will get lots of agreement (you're RIGHT) and then that one person will pop up with an opposing opinion. 

What? Suddenly the world doesn't agree? Interesting. Very interesting. 

My Mom always used to say, "If everyone in the world thought the same way, it'd be a boring place." I agree with that.

I started thinking more about this; I've had friends who participated in debate class who've been assigned to argue a point with which they do not agree. However, within the rules of debate, they are trying to win the debate so they dutifully argue their opposing opinion -they argue AGAINST their own "right".

I think it would be an interesting improvisation to share an opinion about something and then play a scene as if you believed the OPPOSITE. Just to shake it up. Just to look at the other side of the coin. Just to let go of a "right" for a minute or two.

What "right" could you let go of just for today to improve a relationship?

What "right" could you let go of just for today to look with fresh eyes at a situation?

The Same but Different

I hear people mention a lot that they are unhappy with their jobs. It got me to pondering. . . .

I realized that often, we downplay our skills, or we forget to think creatively about our SKILLS; we forget to make the connection between similar skills, applied in different ways that can carry across many different areas of our lives.

I will now show my age for this example, but, in the olden days, before computers were widely used and cash register scanners were unheard of, I applied for a job in an accounting office. The primary requirement was accurate 10-key by touch skills. While I hadn't used a 10-key, I had manually worked a cash register. The key pad on a cash register of that day was very similar to the keypad on a 10-key machine.

I very much wanted and needed this job so, before I went in to the interview I sat down with the job description and figured out all the similar skills I had while not EXACTLY in the job description, I felt confident that my SIMILAR skills would be useful. In this way, I was prepared and confident when I went in to the interview. (I got the job!)

When I teach improv, I teach the same games and skills but with a different FOCUS to actors and non-actors. With actors, I focus on character development and physicality. I focus on that with my non-actors, but I don't hit those skills with as much emphasis.

With non-actors, I focus on the "yes, and . . .", team work, status and idea generation.

Same skills, different focus.

Today -especially if you are unhappy with your current career- I challenge you to take some time and write down your skills. Not just the skills that seem applicable to business, but all of your skills. If you make a great cherry pie, write it down. If you can blow up balloons like anybody's business, write it down. If you are always on time, write it down. If you know your way around MS Excel, write it down. If you are the person all your friends confide in because you can keep a secret, write it down. Get it all on paper.

NEXT, write down all the jobs you can imagine for each skill.

Get CREATIVE, stretch, play, have fun. Then, look at your list. Maybe you've just created a new career. Or a new way to look at your current career.

Forget the Outcome

Today, I was re-reading an article written in homage to the late author of my favorite business book of all time: ORBITING THE GIANT HAIRBALL -Gordon MacKenzie.

MacKenzie worked for Hallmark and created his own department out of thin air. He decided that his role in the company was to be "loyally subversive".

In this article when asked what the biggest obstacle to creativity is MacKenzie replies, "Attachment to outcome." Wow!

That truth hit slapped me out of complacency this morning. He's right.

Attachment to (creative) outcome causes . . .

. . . filmmakers to worry about the critics instead of creating a piece of art.
. . . artists to make pieces they hope will sell instead of pieces that satisfy their soul.
. . . improvisers to force a scene and dominate the action rather than letting the scene unfold naturally.
. . . corporate heads to ask their people to copy something that already exists rather than creating something new.
. . . writers to sit on their books, plays, magazine articles, poems rather than attempt publication out of fear that the words won't be well-received.
. . . people to do the same thing everyday, because "that is the way it is done".

I saw a video clip recently in which Bryan Cranston (from "Breaking Bad") advises actors to choose monologues that speak to them, and at auditions just go in and PERFORM and LET GO of the outcome. He goes on to say that the casting is beyond the actor's control but creating a performance, getting a chance to translate a text into art is what the audition should be about for the actor. Pow!

So, today, I challenge YOU to simply CREATE. No matter your field. Do something creative, don't worry about the outcome. Just create.

What are you going to create today??

Use Your Words

Anyone who deals with kids, knows that as they are growing and learning to speak, from time to time they need to be reminded to use their words. But, as they grow and develop, I ask my kids to CHOOSE their words. Words have such power.

Words can uplift and encourage our creative spirits or words can tear apart our creative spirits.

When my improv students ask questions (which slows a scene down) I sometimes ask them to make a different choice. Or sometimes, we play an improv game where an offer is made and EVERYONE in the room must choose a different response. It is a great reminder that there are a zillion different ways a scene -onstage or in life- can go.

We all have the power within us to  CHOOSE our words. Buddha said, "Words have the power to destroy or heal. When they are both true and kind, they can change the world."

And, Proverbs 15:1 tells us, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Think about it; we've all witnessed people disagreeing and I'll bet you could pinpoint exactly what words triggered the fight. Am I right?

Here are some other choices to think about:

If you are often hurt by people tearing down a creative idea or project, stop asking, "What do you think?" Instead, why not say, "I'm proud of this. I hope you are, too." Or, stop asking unsupportive people to support your creativity. Choose someone new to share with in addition to choosing new words!

If you are overwhelmed by too many commitments, stop saying "I have to. . ." Replace that sentence with "I GET to . . ." After that small switch, if you realize you don't like the places you GET to go, then take steps to stop going there!

If you feel like you are missing out on the little moments of life, stop saying, "I cannot wait . . . " and start saying, "I'm so EXCITED . . . ". Excitement allows you to fill that time fully participating in what is currently happening while waiting is passive and focuses all your attention on the thing you're GOING to do instead of the things you ARE doing.

When in a disagreement stop saying "You always . .  ." Because those words aren't (usually) true. Why not choose to point out the SPECIFIC behavior that is causing the grief? This one is tricky. Here's an example, "When you roll your eyes and say, 'brilliant' when I'm speaking in a meeting, it gives me the impression you feel like you are smarter than me and that gives me the impression you don't want to work on this team with me. Is that the impression you want to give? Is that true?"

What other words or phrases could you switch for more positive results?
What words or phrases have hurt you in the past?
What words or phrases have built you up in the past?

Creativity -VS- Cynicism

The opposite of creativity is cynicism. ~Esa Saarinen, Finnish philosopher

I have to agree with this statement. I believe creativity is a good thing, obviously! I focus my life on the creative. I encourage all of my readers and students to explore the creative every day -in every way. I would never encourage someone to be a cynic.

Cynics believe that only selfishness motivates human action.

Creatives strive to transcend the norm and make something new.

Here's to all the CREATIVES then! May you endure and thrive and continue transcending the regular!

Cynics, you're welcome to JOIN us on the creative side!!

You're Mistaken

And every artist makes mistakes!

Mistakes. We all make 'em. We all hate 'em (to varying degrees). But, I think mistakes help us learn and grow.

I think that the WAY a person handles mistakes tells more about their character than anything else. Denying, hiding, or blaming your mistakes on others is no way to live. Or learn. However, I think there are reasons that people take this route. I've seen even the smallest mistakes harshly criticized in the corporate world. I've seen bosses who make it IMPOSSIBLE for an employee to even think about making a mistake.

The result is a mess. No one willing to learn. No one willing to grow and everyone running around trying to cover their behinds.

I think that more GRACE is given to people in traditionally creative fields to make mistakes. In those fields, mistakes are expected.

The beginning musician fumbling over notes until they become smooth. . .
The actor in rehearsal trying new things until a polished performance results . . .
The painter making a mess and covering it with something more pleasing . . .

I wonder what would happen if leaders in the corporate world took a tip from the creative world on this and expected and allowed mistakes as a path to growth, learning and creativity in their field?

Take Your Time

Quick! Raise your hand if you rush. (Can you see me with my hand raised, too?) We all do it. I find myself racing out the door all the time, late again! Late again!

But, then I read a news story about an impatient driver plowing into a crowd of people and I am humbled. That could've been me, rushing somewhere -thinking it was important- and realizing that nothing I've been rushing to is as important as another person's health and well-being. In the improv of life, the best "scenes" are the ones that are allowed to develop at a healthy pace.

Or,

I regret sending that email I rushed to write. My words could've been more carefully chosen. I realize I've hurt some feelings.

Or,

I rush to judgment. I don't see the full situation. I make assumptions. I get angry or agitated. I feel guilty and ashamed once I TAKE THE TIME to understand the full situation.

That isn't healthy for me or my creativity.

To generate creative ideas, to execute creative plans, to solve problems creatively, I need to slow down.

When I'm running an improv game,  I notice that participants often feel a need to RUSH their creative moments. I can see them mentally beating themselves up when they don't come up with something QUICKLY. Then, the other participants rush, too; anxious, they jump in with helpful suggestions.

Take your time, I say.

But still, I can see they FEEL rushed. They FEEL the anxiety of their fellow players.

Take your time.

Is what you're rushing to do REALLY urgent?
Or are you MAKING it urgent because you're in the HABIT of rushing?

Surprise!

In improvisation, sometimes the element of SURPRISE -or doing the unexpected- can add flavor to the scene. It also moves improvisers beyond the typical into the atypical. It takes practice, and the beginning improviser can be taken aback if, say, someone begins fishing in the dentist's office fish tank in a scene. But, if they "yes, and . . . " and just go with the absurdity, it becomes delightful.

In life, the element of SURPRISE can bring the same delight as an unexpected twist in a scene. And, with unexpected results. THIS man (video below) founded a debt collection agency that HELPS people get out of debt and his experiment has a 200% success rate.

How can you add the element of surprise to your life or business?

What would you like to flip upside down and change, to the delight of others?

Is there something that is ALWAYS done a certain way that you can imagine doing ANOTHER way?

The BEST

Today's thoughts . . .