Go With the Flow

In the improv of life we all have the same 24 hours in our days.

How do you spend your 24 hours?

How much of your work day do you spend doing things that energize you?

How much of your free time do you spend doing things that energize you?

Have you yet identified what specific activities fall into your flow?

If not, I suggest you do it now so you can be specific and purposeful in what you do.

Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi, the former head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago identified the concept of "flow".

When a person is performing an activity that is within their flow, they are completely immersed in a state of energized focus, fully enjoying and completely involved in the process.

When you're in your flow you feel supremely alive! You feel wide-awake, excited and creative when you're doing those things. Someone involved in their flow doesn't feel bored, depressed or anxious.

(And, if you are feeling any of those things I'm here to tell you you're not really in your flow!)

Beyond flow, there are tasks and activities where we might be particularly skilled but those activities don't excite us at all.

So please remember, just because an employee or volunteer is good at something, it doesn't necessarily mean they are happily engaged in one of their flow activities.

More than once I've heard a leader say, "He's in his flow," while watching someone skillfully performing a task.

Or say, "I'm going to ask her to (FILL IN THE BLANK)  because it'll be right in her flow!"

But I always wonder, did you ask that person about their flow?


I think one of the frustrations in life is when someone else mistakes our skill for our passion.

Ironically, some of the things we do well, or easily, can be something we do efficiently because we dislike it and are trying to complete it quickly!


Another mistake, I think we make is assuming flow-by-association.

For example, asking the Dad who just made a fabulous casserole for the neighborhood potluck to whip up a batch of cupcakes for a PTA event, might induce anxiety in his heart.

He might indeed find his flow in cooking but hate baking.

You were innocently assuming that baking falls right in his flow because he said he loved cooking (and that casserole was SOOOOO good).

Cooking. Baking. It all happens in the kitchen, right?

Same thing, right?

Wrong. There are significant differences.

If baking is NOT in his flow, and that Dad agrees to bake the cupcakes, he'll probably do it skillfully but find it completely exhausting and frustrating.

Even more frustrating, he'll probably do a great job and find that he's expected to bring the homemade cupcakes from then on!

Has anything similar ever happened to you?

It has certainly happened to me.

I'm no longer in the corporate world but I'm very active in the volunteer world.

Over the years, I've become better about protecting my free time and keeping a good balance of flow activities in my week. However, what I'm NOT good at yet is turning down non-flow requests more openly.

I tend to say, "I can't, I'm busy, " when I'm asked to give of my time in a non-flow activity.

What I really should say is, "I've reached my allotment this week for doing volunteer activities that are out of my flow."

Today, I put a challenge out there to leaders to get specific information regarding flow.

Ask your employees, volunteers -even family members- these three questions:

1. What specific tasks and activities energize you?
2. What specific tasks and activities do you feel accomplished doing but you would prefer to do less often?
3. What specific tasks and activities completely drain you?

We did this exercise on a team once and found that a completely draining task for one person was a flow task for another! The two were able to "trade" tasks and their energy and happiness increased.

Alan Alda on Bringing Improv to Science

Brilliant! THIS is what I'm talking about. Improv can help ALL aspects of life and it isn't about being funny, it is about being genuine.

Great video:




This article is also shared on my Pinterest Board IMPROVISATION.

How To Stop Driving Us Crazy

How many times have you heard someone dismiss their irritating and/or rude behavior as if it were a virtue -a cute, nutty quirk of their personality?

In the improv of life, let's call it what it is: bad manners disguised as self-deprecating humor.

"Oh, I'm such a flake!" Your co-worker says, laughing it off, when you run into him/her in the lunch room after they've blown off the fifth meeting with you to discuss a crucial project.

"I just can't ever seem to get out the door on time," says your friend with a shrug and a winning smile, after you've been waiting at the restaurant for so long, that you've resorted to eating your napkin for sustenance.

"I'm just not great with people," says your new significant other, with a wink and a kiss, after an evening out meeting your old college friends -during which the love-of-your-life only offered grunts or mumbled one-world answers in response to all attempts at conversation.

Do any of these sound familiar? Do you do this?

When the stakes don't count, this behavior is okay, "I'm such a bad bowler!" flies -as long as you say it BEFORE you let your co-workers con you into joining their bowling team. But, anything that causes other people in your life-scenes pain is driving them crazy, too. Pure and simple.

It isn't cute to them. It isn't quirky and nutty. It is plain rude.

Here's the simplest way to FIX IT when your behavioral quirk impacts others negatively:

Apologize.

I think you'll see that apologizing is hard and uncomfortable. Apologizing WITHOUT adding a disclaimer is painful. It's also necessary if you truly want to stop driving other people crazy.

"I'm sorry I missed our fifth meeting, it was unthoughtful of me. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was late, it was rude of me to make you wait. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was rude to your best friends. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

Treating a character flaw as if it were a quirk is just laziness.

We're all more creative than that. Letting go of negative behavior doesn't make anyone "less". In fact, it gives us room to be more innovative. It lets us participate in more varied and agreeable scenes in the improvisation of life.

So, change it up. Do a scene today where you don't drive someone crazy.

Does This Scene Really Need YOU?

When I worked at Walt Disney World, we did 5 shows a day, 5 days a week of interactive comedy improv. It was exhausting in the most creative way possible! The work required a lot of brain power and some days, it was harder than others to come up with new ideas for creating a fresh improv or interaction.

On those days, it was so TEMPTING to hang back, watch fellow cast members and just jump into a successful scene that they were doing.

But, it was always a mistake.

That unwelcome and unnecessary addition to the scene interrupted the flow and pissed off the performers who were rudely interrupted while on a roll, rocking a great moment.

Believe me, you'd hear about it in the break room later and those meddling souls who did it enough were eventually avoided by their fellow performers. (And those were the folks who usually only lasted in the cast for a year at most. No one wants someone continually messing up their flow!)

In the improv of life, it is an equally bad idea to jump into a "scene" that isn't yours. At best, you might be labeled as a meddler or busybody. At worst, you could cause genuine harm.

Deciding to jump into a life scene is a little like approaching a train crossing. Just because the crossing gate is UP doesn't always indicate it is safe to proceed. First, you must stop, look, and listen by asking yourself some questions:

1. Am I the person directly responsible for the outcome?

2. Did anyone INVITE me into the scene?

3. Will someone be injured -or worse- if I don't step in?

If you cannot answer yes to at least one of those questions then it is not your "scene". In fact, your involvement will only confuse the plot -or drag out a scene beyond its natural conclusion.

Just because you're AWARE of a scene going on doesn't mean you need to jump into it. In fact, I think that most overwhelmed or stressed people are involving themselves in scenes that they shouldn't have known about in the first place. If you acting on gossip or second-hand information then you're meddling in scenes that aren't your own.

Just because you WITNESS a scene doesn't mean you need to jump into it. That project at work might seem cool and you want to be on the team that's winning but just being witness to something isn't an invitation to participate in it. Unless someone specifically asks for your involvement or advice why not just congratulate the people who are doing a great job and leave it at that?

If you cannot control yourself, at the very least ASK if you can jump in. (And don't pout if the answer is "No".)

Just because you WANT to be involved doesn't mean you need to jump into something feet first. I'm thinking specifically about people who come upon a scene of negative behavior in public and feel compelled to step in to "correct" someone.

In that case, you are jumping into a scene in the most dangerous way possible. Unless someone is in harm's way, leave it alone.

Today, I encourage you to only join the scenes that are yours. You are a creative being. Create your own scenes. I'm positive it will make your life less stressful and much happier.

When Ideas Become Orders

In the improvisation of life, sometimes it takes going back and reviewing a scene in my head to see why I reacted as I did.

Recently, I took the time to step back and ponder a gut reaction I had to one of life's scenes.

The behavior that inspired such a strong (angry) reaction from me was an idea thrown out to a group.

Ideas! I love ideas! I love to brainstorm with people, I love to get the energy flowing I love to turn the best ideas into action plans and implement them.

So . . . being angry due to an idea, that was out-of-character, right?

Wrong.

The person who shared the idea is someone in the group who honestly never does any of the heavy lifting. This person shows up to meetings, throws out a bunch of "ideas" and then disappears until the next month's meeting. I got angry because I felt bossed around. I realized that it wasn't an idea thing at all, but, it was a STATUS thing!  This person was pulling high status on the rest of the group! (Click HERE to read my post on status.)

The idea was really an ORDER.

It was a directive to others in the group to put time and effort into implementing a plan devised by this person.

This self-avowed "idea person" was really a dictator.

No one likes a dictator. Dictators inspire loathing.

Leaders inspire. Leaders do their part in implementing an idea.

This scene in the improv of life gave me the gift of insight.

I love ideas and I don't want to be a dictator, so, I've decided that unless I'm willing to put in the sweat/time/effort to seeing an idea of mine to fruition, I'll do my best to KEEP IT TO MYSELF!

How to be Brave

One of the fallacies about improvisation is that you're just doing something off the top of your head and that there's no PRACTICE involved. But, in reality, to get really great at improv, you have to practice constantly.

The same goes for scenes in your life.

Some of my most proud moments are when I got out of my rut and reacted DIFFERENTLY to a scenario that had repeated itself in the past.

I tried a different "yes, and . . . "

That is my definition of bravery.

I firmly believe that one of the bravest things you can do for yourself is not believe everything another person decides about you.

I had a dream about my old boss last night. My last boss at my last corporate job.

This is a person and I did not "click". I have no recollection of any of our real-life improvs going well. I  didn't really "get" her and I could sense that she really didn't "get" me. That sense became a reality when one day, she said to me, in all sincerity, "Michele, I don't see you as being very creative."

One of my core values. One of my key words is "creativity".

So her opinion of me cut me deeply. I have no idea what she said in the rest of that conversation. It ended shortly after those words were spoken and I went back to my cubicle and replayed those words in me head on a constant loop for the remainder of the day.

"How could she think that?" I screamed in my head. This woman was the ONE person in my life's sea of people, the only person EVER who had ever flat-out told me she didn't think I was creative.

I got mad. I got mad in the way I get mad when someone threatens my children. Mama bear reared up on her haunches and was ready to fight.

Then, it hit me. I didn't need to "yes, and. . . ." in the same way I usually did when someone decided something about me that hurt and felt wrong.

I realized that I didn't have to agree WITH HER opinion of me and take it as my own.

I realized that I only had to agree that it WAS her opinion and respond to that.

So instead of agreeing to be uncreative and working through the "scene" to change her opinion of me, I agreed that her opinion of me was different and then decided I couldn't work for a person like that.

I decided that my self-worth was far more important than the paycheck. My self-worth was far more important than spending any more time working for someone who's opinion of me was so vastly different than anyone else's had been.

I challenge you to be BRAVE this week.

I challenge you to play out a different "yes, and . . ." and see where it takes you!

SAFETY ADVISORY: I am not encouraging you to quit your job! I am encouraging you to respond to a frustrating/painful life situation in a different way to see if you feel better after the scenario has played out. Read QUITTER by Jon Acuff to prepare your life and finances BEFORE you take any drastic changes!