Everyone Needs a Break

I didn't post last week. I was on vacation. I timed my vacation to coincide with the school district's mid-Winter break. I didn't do anything fancy, but I was able to spend time with family and friends. Just by unplugging (no classes, no blog posts, no LinkedIn) I was able to really relax and fall into unique experiences. We went to the zoo with a friend who used to work there and was able to give us amazing insight into the animals and their behavior; afterwards we had lunch in a great little spot and wandered through the most amazing store in the world: Archie McPhee. The kids and I took the light rail and then a streetcar to get to the new location of the Museum of History and Industry it took 3 times as long to travel this way but we had TIME together. We pulled out rubber stamps and stickers and pens and journaled in the evening about our days. We talked. We played. Downtime is important for everyone. Are you able to relax and rest and unplug when your vacation hits? Or do you feel like it will negatively affect you at work if you don't check in everyday and respond to emails immediately? Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is say, "I'm completely unplugging, I'm not answering work emails or texts this week."

Hollywood Stars And Your Elevator Speech

It is award season. I'm a performer so I watch pretty much every award show and I quite often cringe at the acceptance speeches. Sometimes I have to leave the room they are so awkward.

I'm convinced that someone could make an absolute FORTUNE coaching nominees on how to write and perform a kick-butt acceptance speech. I see so many performers stumbling over their words, reciting a boring laundry list of thanks; or worse, announcing that they are unprepared, "Gee, I didn't think I'd win so I didn't write a speech." That's crap. What they've done is wasted the audience's time and wasted a moment when they could've made a genuine connection with their fans and with others in the business who might want to work with them in the future.

I started thinking, a kick-butt acceptance speech isn't much different than a kick-butt elevator speech.

Here are some tips:

• Be genuine. People can see through the bull. Don't say what you think people want to hear; share what genuinely means something to you. If you are showing off or connecting on a superficial level you could find yourself making a bad impression; or working on a project that doesn't interest you in the least!
• Tailor your communication to each person. The Grammys are more relaxed than the Oscars. What goes for Grammys might not work at the Oscars. Define who it is you want to connect with and what you would say if you were given the opportunity.
• Don't recite a "laundry list"-for celebrity-types it would sound like, "I'd like to thank my agent, my producer, the Hollywood Foreign Press. For business-types it would sound like, "I did this. I did that. I did the other." Boring. And, you just blew your chance to make a real connection.
• Pay attention to what goes on in your company and your industry. Talk about THAT rather than yourself. "Hey, congrats on landing that big client. After your work on a-b-c project I'm sure they were dying to have you." 
• Ask questions to find out how YOU can help the person you want to work for. "Is this project going to involve any global marketing?"
• Listen to the answer, if you -or someone you know- can help, then offer that. "That's great. Our department just started a global initiative. Let any of us know if you need some help."
• Wrap it up well, circling back to the OTHER person. Not yourself. "Great talking with you. Again, congrats on that new client."
• Practice -Don't skip this part, it is crucial! Practice in your car. Practice in front of a mirror. 

Give and Take

It is Valentine's Day. The day your co-worker might get a bouquet of flowers and you are allergic -nothing life-threatening -you will sniffle all day. Me, too. I'm highly allergic.

As you sniffle, how do you react? Do you take an allergy pill and enjoy that your co-worker is happy? Or, do you complain to management and demand the flowers be removed?

Life is give and take, friends. You probably do something that bothers a co-worker once in a while. Why not let the flowers stay? That's expressing true love on Valentine's Day.

Personal Qualities

There is a school that has this posted. I love it because these are also the qualities not often measured by job interviews. How DO you measure these things in a job interview??

Three Little Words

I am sorry.

Those are the 3 most powerful words in any relationship; especially if a leader says it.

WARNING: Those words should be said and left alone. If you add a "but" it negates the apology.

Examples:

I am sorry, but . . . you were doing it wrong so I had to step in and fix it.
I am sorry, but . . . you are too sensitive.
I am sorry, but . . . we're going to have to let you go.

See? The "but" is never good.

Here are other ways to say, "I am sorry":

I was wrong.
I was mistaken.
You are right.
I apologize.
Please forgive me.

Leaders, memorize those. They are important to have in your lexicon.

Being Human

Sex, Drugs & Human Resources

Hi friends! Here's a secret from the HR department that will save you a lot of pain: Don't violate your company's Code of Conduct and/or Sexual Harassment policy. Even if all the cool kids are doing something.

Guess what? If you do something your boss told you to do and you know it violates your company's policies but you do it anyway, well, that doesn't hold up in a court of law.

Guess what? Some bosses aren't ethical. Some co-workers aren't ethical either. You might have to say, "No." You might have to report something. It sucks, but, it's better to be prepared -rather than shocked- if someone does something that you have to respectfully refuse to do, or you know you have to report.

Guess what? Some of your co-workers might say something offensive or inappropriate in the workplace. (It happens ALL the time, trust me.) Guess what? You might say something offensive or inappropriate in the workplace. I really believe that most people don't come to work planning to offend but sometimes they do. If you witness something that is potentially a problem, a quick comment to the person who said it might be the kindest thing you can do to help them out. (Hey, friendly co-worker, I think you might've upset Chris with that joke you made about -fill in the blank-.)

That gives them the opportunity to go to Chris with an apology.

Guess what? An apology goes a loooooong way. If someone has the guts to tell you that they found something you said/did offensive, then apologize. Apologizing doesn't mean that you are agreeing with them. If you truly don't understand what was offensive, then politely ask. So you don't do it again. Or, so you can have a conversation with HR and say, "Give me a gut-check, on this, I apologized but don't understand what's so offensive . . . ."

How ethical is your workplace? Have you ever been asked to do something unethical? Have you witnessed or experienced harassment?

Ideas and Twinkies

I think people get in trouble in the workplace when they believe that there are a limited number of "good ideas". When someone thinks that way, they get into a hoarders mindset and behave just like the people who stockpiled Twinkies when Hostess went out of business! There are many reasons people do that:

• To re-sell their Twinkies at a higher rate. (Think of your co-workers who hoard their ideas and once they get bigwig approval they graciously "allow" you to help with all the nasty grunt work and when the job is completed they take all the credit for their fabulous idea.)
• To eat them all themselves. (Think of your co-workers who are anti-social and think they are the world's gift to your business. They don't want anyone nosing in on the fabulous idea they're implementing -and they're secretly scared that this is the last good one they'll have.)
• For nostalgia. (Think of co-workers who don't appreciate the way things "used" to be and their ideas are re-hashes of what has been done before and they don't need any of your crazy ideas, thankyouverymuch. They take a bite out of that Twinkie . . . um. . .  idea and then carefully wrap it up and go back to the same Twinkie until it is gone. Then they cry. Or panic. Or both.)

The best leaders realize that, unlike Hostess, ideas never go out of business and you can always get more. The greatest leaders create an environment where so many ideas are being generated amongst the entire group that no one can take all the credit.

How do people treat ideas at your workplace?

The Sky is Falling - 6 Ways to Get Through the Threat of a Layoff

Are things changing at your workplace? Do things feel "off"? Have there been rumblings of an impending layoff?  Do you feel like you're going to be laid off? Has your boss been "hinting" at changes?

Does all this have you running around with your brain in an internal frenzy, like Chicken Little? Is this your self-talk: The sky is falling! I'm gonna lose my job! I'm gonna lose my house! I'm gonna be living on the streets!

Or, do are you rolling up your sleeves and getting to work, doing as many positive things as you can? People in this mode have this kind of self-talk: I'm gonna be fine! I have so many talents! Getting laid off could be the best thing to happen to me!

Things might seem out of control. You are like Chicken Little if you huddle around the water cooler and gossip about possible layoffs. Or start making cryptic or angry posts on Facebook. That kind of behavior may make you feel better temporarily but, it will usually end up getting you more deeply into a pit of despair and worry. And, you are wasting valuable work time by complaining and become less and less productive.

In a situation where things seem out-of-control, the best thing to do is to focus on what you can control. Here are some positive things you can do now to help you gain a little control over the situation:

1. Make an honest personal assessment.
A. Make sure you're not in neutral. If you are, take steps to get out of that gear. I wrote about neutral employees about a month ago. Being honest, neutral employees are often the first employees to get laid off. (Next on the list are employees who challenge the status quo by loudly voicing their complaints without any solutions. More on that in another post!)
B. List the pros and cons of your current job, if there are more cons, then being laid off might just get you off your butt and into a new opportunity.

2. Get your resume in order.
Make sure it is heavy on accomplishment language and remove all those words like "positive self-starter". What the heck does that even mean? There's a great article on terms to stop using in your resume. Click HERE to read it. Your resume should list your accomplishments in plain language. Depending upon how real the threat of layoff is, you might even want to start looking for another job at this point.

3. Discreetly clean out your workspace.
Take home the extremely personal stuff first. People will get suspicious if they see you doing a major spring-cleaning so don't make a massive sweep in one day but, start taking those knick-knacks home. Start shredding what needs to be discarded and filing what needs to be saved (Check your company's policy on what to discard, what to save). Also, start cleaning out your email in-box. This actually serves two purposes. One, if you do get laid off, you won't be packing up 16 boxes of accumulated junk; and, two, if you don't get laid off, your workspace will look cleaner and more productive. You'll give the impression of accomplishing more.

4. Start helping others.
Shifting your brain from yourself to others is a great way to stop focusing on you and the problems at hand. Help your co-workers, volunteer somewhere that interests you, or reach out to your neighbors. Just getting your brain off your (perceived) impending doom can really help. If you choose to volunteer, choose an agency that you would love to work for. Sometimes volunteers turn in to employees!

5. Get your finances in order.
There are some great, easy to read books on this topic, I have a link to them on my Pinterest page.

6. Start making positive connections in the virtual  and real world.
Make sure you are connecting with co-workers and leaders that you enjoy. Bonus if you can help them in any way. If you aren't on LinkedIn and actively participating, you should be. If your Facebook is mostly angry posts about your boss/workplace then you should clean that up and start making positive connections -OR make certain your account is completely private between only you and your friends. WARNING: Social networks aren't for all take and no give, people can tell when you're desperately searching for a job. The time is now to start reaching out.

We Know When You're Lying

Professional actors learn to watch others and study the way words combine with behavior for different meanings. These performers consciously choose their behavior in a scene to combine with words for a desired effect. They understand that sometimes what a person is thinking might not match what they are doing. When aiming for a portrayal of honesty and truth, they are thinking honest thoughts, they are matching their words to their actions so their words support their behavior. These performers are also aware of the disconnect between thoughts, words and actions. When done effectively, dissonance between thoughts, words and actions makes good theatre and we can see the character lying, conniving or trying to deceive.

Think of your favorite movie, TV show or play,  consider those scenes where a character is saying one thing but thinking and doing another. Sometimes it is played for comic effect. Sometimes it heightens the drama or the mystery. As we watch those scenes it is obvious to us what is going on.

Great leaders understand that it is obvious in real life, too! People know when you're lying because they see that your words don't match your behavior. They come to the conclusion that you must be thinking something devious or untruthful if your words don't match your behavior!

Do you have co-workers who say one thing but do another? Do you trust them? Do you call them out or let it slide?

Favor

At church, our Pastor talks about "favor".  He doesn't talk about favor in the typical terms of "you do this for me and I'll do that for you". No, he talks about it in terms of a blessing (large or small) that comes into your life while you're living as honorably and honestly as you can. So, while I'm at play rehearsal, I'm helping a young actor learn lines. Not because I expect or want anything in return, just because I have the experience and the time to help. I am giving favor to that person -just because.

I write a recommendation to someone on LinkedIn because I truly enjoyed working with them and think they have something to offer an employer. I expect NO endorsement in return. I do it just because.

Because it makes me happy; it makes me feel good. Because I'd rather put something positive out into the world as often as possible, rather than something negative.

Sometimes favor comes back to me but usually not from the person who I bestowed favor to. It comes in the form of a medical bill that was lower than I expected. It comes in the form of winning a gift certificate in a contest. If you put good OUT, it will come BACK.

What favor have you bestowed unconditionally in the past week? Month? Year?

What favors have been bestowed upon you in the past week? Month? Year?

It's not Going to Kill you

When you were a child, how many times did an adult say, "Just try it, it's not going to kill you"? They were right (otherwise you'd be dead and unable to read this post).

You can think you know if you're going to like -or hate- something. But, honestly, you have to eat that broccoli; you have to strap on those skates and wobble across the ice to really know.

"I just want to watch," is what someone says as they walk in to the theatre for an improv class. My mantra is, "You stay. You play."

Guess what, no one has left (yet) when I've imposed that rule. Quite the opposite; they are pleased with themselves that they did something brave; a great benefit of not chickening out!

I only wish I could've applied the same rule when I was a Corporate Training manager. Unfortunately, those with higher status than I were able to set the rules.

More than one boss and/or VP in my career didn't want to participate in a training session or a class but wanted to (or were told to) be in the room. A non-particpant in the room is a death knell to a class. Especially if "I'm just watching" is the boss.

A low point in my career was having a boss who wouldn't let me take a particular leadership class. I loved the content and was aching to participate but was told something to the effect of: employees won't respect you as the training manager if you have to take a leadership class. That was scared-boss thinking. That wasn't leading-by-example thinking.

Picture your boss - let's call him "I'm-just-watching" - sitting there in the corner of a training room; arms crossed, lips pursed, wearing a smug smile. People believe behavior more than words and "I'm-just-watching's" behavior gives the impression of  more than watching, doesn't it? It gives the impression of being "above" the course/material/participants. It gives the impression of negatively judging the other participants -of negatively judging his employees.

Don't be that person. Don't be that person who thinks they will actually get something out of half learning something -that goes double if you have any direct reports! Instead, be that person who leads by example. Be that person who jumps in, feet first and goes for it.

Here's the dirty little secret. Others can see through "I'm just watching". If you have direct reports, they won't tell you to your face, but they will lose respect for you if you don't participate. The really discriminating employees know that their boss is scared.

Scared of what, though? Scared to be "found out"? Scared to do something "wrong"? The irony is, we already know "I'm just watching" is a yellow-bellied chicken.

So why not just jump in and participate? Unless, of course, you're scared or something . . . .