18 Ways to Piss Off Nearly Everyone in Your Organization

There are lots of articles written about how to be a better employee or boss but there's not much advice out there on how to piss off the folks you work with. In the improv of life there are a million ways to react to every situation but, sometimes you just need a little inspiration to kick start the process.

I know that many of you are already using a robust combination of these tactics to great effect, but, there's always room for improvement! Here's a list of the top 18 ways to piss off just about anyone in your organization. Please, freely share any comments, questions or concerns; correct my grammar, spelling and/or punctuation; and, of course, feel free to add your own tip to this list of crucial "soft skills" designed to annoy.

1. Show up late to everything.

Extra points if you are a VP or CEO and are using the most tightly scheduled conference room in the building and throw a raging fit to the first person who pops in the door and interrupts YOUR meeting when it goes over time by the same 15-30 minutes you were late to said meeting.

2. Do anything it takes to get ahead and make yourself look better no matter who you hurt in doing so or if the means you use are unethical or illegal.

Extra points if you can coerce others to join you in this behavior by bullying them or calling them "sucker" or by convincing them that "everyone does it."

3. Put the barest effort into whatever you do, cut corners whenever possible and always goof off if the boss isn't watching

Extra points if you get a raise or promotion while others regularly observe you making personal phone calls, trolling the internet, taking long lunches and leaving early because you're "sick" but showing up in the photo gallery for the local football "fan day" event wearing the very same clothes you were wearing when you left early to tend to your migraine.

4. Roll your eyes, sigh deeply and cross your arms when anyone you've deemed an "idiot" is speaking at a meeting, discussing your work progress and/or brainstorming at a company offsite.

Extra points if you can reply with any of these words and phrases, "No."; "We've tried that already.";  "That will never work."; and/or "Are you finished?" Extra-extra points if you are a front-line employee and use this tactic with a VP or higher.

5. Always show up exhausted, sick or distracted. Make sure to let everyone around you know what caused -or is causing- you to be exhausted, sick or distracted.

Extra points if you blame something -or someone you work with- for MAKING you exhausted, sick or distracted. 

6. Always have a negative attitude. Never find solutions, always problems.

Extra points if you missed all the meetings and never participated but dump all over a completed project or product just as its about to ship -especially if the folks who did the work are really excited about it.

7. Never do any real work but pronounce loudly that you are the "idea" gal/guy on the team.

Extra points if you get full credit for the work your co-workers did on YOUR end-of-year performance review. Extra-extra points if you get a higher performance rating than the person who did all the actual work.

8. Immediately get angry with anyone who points out a mistake you've made or gives you any feedback on your work. By all means do NOT make ANY of the changes or corrections they ask.

Extra points if you can maintain "the silent treatment" for a week or more and get the person who "offended" you to apologize for daring to point out that your mistake totally screwed up everyone's paychecks.

9. Never do any extra work. Use the phrase, "that's not my job," as often as you can each day. No matter what is going on ALWAYS adhere to the same exactly schedule every day and if there's a crisis that occurs at your lunch break, ignore it until you've finished with your tuna on rye.

Extra points if you can rope your boss into picking up the extra work, skipping lunch or staying late to cover for you.

10. Never come prepared. Do not review the materials prior to the meeting. Do not set up any system to make sure you always have plenty of the  materials you need to complete the job. Do not ever carry anything with you that could be used to take notes.

Extra points if you can blame your failure to complete that big project on the jobber who didn't get the supplies to you on time (because you ordered them the day before the project was due.)

11. Ask lots of questions on what was covered in the materials that you were supposed to read before the meeting -or- on what was discussed at the meeting before you arrived late.

Extra points if you can completely derail the meeting by demanding to be "caught up to speed" and refusing to go over it "offline" with a co-worker after the meeting.

12. Include the words "lucky to have a job" at least once in any conversation regarding a promotion that didn't materialize; a smaller-than-expected annual raise/bonus; or a cut in any employee benefits program.

Extra points if you're the CEO or you work in the Human Resources Department.

13. Take all the credit when your co-workers, employees or department does well and throw them under the bus when it does poorly.

Extra points if you can get a special mention for "your" work in the employee bulletin or all-hands meeting. Extra-extra points if you can regularly present great ideas to your boss that you've stolen from your co-workers.

14. Always jump to conclusions and rush to judgment never apologize if your assumption was wrong

Extra points if you are in a position of authority and can make someone cry in the bathroom stall.

15. Perform personal hygiene tasks at your desk or in the lunch room. Trimming your nails, tweezing your eyebrows or applying deodorant are all great ways to accomplish this.

Extra points if after clipping your toenails and leaving the trimmings in the shared walkway you go heat up yesterday's fish and/or burn some popcorn in the only lunchroom microwave.

16. Repeatedly require the rest of the office to alter their behavior to suit your personal preferences. For example, request that no photos of pets be displayed on desks in your shared cubicle area because you feel that all animals should be free. Once all the animal pictures are gone, request that the color yellow not be worn by anyone on your work team because you cannot stand bananas and the color yellow reminds you of that hideous, squishy fruit. If anyone questions your demands use "hostile work environment" in a sentence and mention that your uncle is a lawyer.

Extra points if you wear your HR department down so much that they immediately acquiesce to your every demand just to get you out of their sight.

17. Give incomplete instructions making sure to miss at least one crucial step or piece of information, then get really upset when the task, project or goal isn't up to your exacting standards.

Extra points if you're the boss or project lead and add new information and/or change the expectations every time you have a "check in" meeting.

18. BONUS TIP FOR BOSSES ONLY: Set completely unreasonable expectations. One example: come in to work at a different time every morning, have "lunch" at random hours of the day and leave at a different time every evening. Then make sure to get angry if your entire team isn't there, sitting at their desks whenever you are in your office -even if you're in your office at 11pm at night.

Extra points if you take a long mysterious break in the middle of the day when no one can find you and stretch your time in the building to 10-12 hours every day.

The Cost of Silence

Why is it socially unacceptable to call out and describe a leader's specific behavior and the negative impact it has had on you -or the workplace?

This thought hit me yesterday when a friend of mine, in a Facebook thread, made a comment about the behavior of a boss at a former workplace. The behavior was, at best, misguided; and, worst, potentially illegal (it involved the withholding of a workplace benefit.) At some point in the discussion my friend apologized for potentially committing a faux pas by sharing something negative about a former boss. (Mind you, this friend did not mention this person by name.)

I commented that I didn't think it was a faux pas and, like I said, it got me to thinking about why our society doesn't find it acceptable to comment on situations like this where the manager's behavior would be considered by most reasonable people to be negative and out of line.

I have had some great bosses over the years. I discussed their behavior openly with friends and colleagues. "Oh, I really loved working for Mr. ABC because he always listened to our ideas and either accepted them or didn't, but, he always listened with openness and interest."

I've also had some awful bosses over the years yet, those bosses I endured and/or left to work somewhere else. Except with those closest to me,  I never openly discussed the behavior of those bosses.

Why is it bad form to discuss why I left? Why is it bad form to describe a behavior and its negative impact?

Leaders talk about their employees and their behavior all the time and it seems socially "acceptable" to discuss a "bad employee" with others. 

I'm not talking about "blanket" generalities here, I honestly think its unproductive to say, "So and So was a jerk." But I'm asking this: Why isn't it an accepted practice to share specific examples to let others know what is going on in a workplace if it is negative?

I've never done it, myself, because I always understood that this wasn't the "way things are done" but now, in retrospect, I'm wondering why I didn't explain WHY I left in my exit interviews, the two times in my career when I was leaving because of a boss and/or company culture that I could no longer support or endure.

In the improv of life, there are as many unique ways to accept one of life's "offers" and respond to it as there are people, but, it is very clear in many cases what the "acceptable" response is.

So, most of us (myself included) are NOT honest and open in exit interviews at the risk of . . . what?

I once finished a "Preventing Harassment Training" session where the new VP of Marketing arrived late, had a food delivery interrupt the proceedings which was irritating behavior but then he proceeded to make several harassing remarks DURING the session. (Commenting on the physical attributes and appearance of the women in the training videos, telling a dirty joke and dropping the F-word.)

After the session, I reported this behavior to my boss, the head of HR, because during the session, we repeatedly told employees to report harassing behavior and I found this man's comments unacceptable. My (female) boss's response was to tell me that I should not comment on the behavior of someone who is "above" me.

Why didn't I pursue it? Why didn't I -at the very least- mention this incident as one of the reasons I was leaving the company when I had my exit interview? (This was just one example of the misogynistic culture of this workplace, I had several more specific examples I could have shared.)

"That would be career suicide," I can hear some of you saying.

So, now I want to dig deeper and figure out WHY.

And, what is the cost of silence? Could a leader become better if we spoke up? Could others be warned?

If you have any ideas, please comment.

I'm truly intrigued.

My Opinion Doesn't Matter

In this great big improv of life my opinion doesn't matter.

Neither does yours.

In fact, opinions can be used as a weapon when some folks are so adamant about their opinions that they try to present it as the truth.

When opinions masquerade as truth they become very dangerous.

Any time you turn on the television, log in to Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram, or Snapchat or any other social media platform you are inundated with people spouting OPINIONS that they are trying to pass off as REALITY.

Because opinions are great "copy". Opinions are great click-bait. Opinions get all dolled up in a fancy font over a pretty picture and get paraded around as something worth believing in but are usually forgotten as soon as they're "shared".

Yet, when someone is so very determined with their opinion it can cause us to doubt ourselves! I know that in my own life, I've fallen for an opinion and only after some personal reflection, realized that the opinion was not true for me.

Before you start believing an outsider's opinion as truth, make certain that opinion IS honestly true for YOU.

Remember when your Aunt Martha kept urging you to try out for the football team, just because she was of the opinion you looked like a linebacker in high school? Do you also remember how you had absolutely NO interest whatsoever in playing football? You told her this, yet, she spent an entire family picnic telling everyone she saw that you SHOULD really play football. She'd grab your arm and haul you over to a relative and say, "Lookit him! He's a linebacker. He's a fool if he doesn't try out for football!" What if you'd believed her opinion and tried out for football and gotten on the team. At best, you'd have hated it.  Even worse, you could've gotten hurt by believing Aunt Martha's opinion!

Opinions often have these key words or phrases:

You (he/she/they) should do this . . .

If I were you, I'd . . .

Listen, people . . .

Listen, sheeple . . .

You're an idiot/a fool/making a mistake if you believe . . .

You're an idiot/a fool/making a mistake if you don't (fill in the blank with something that doesn't interest you at all) . . .

This is the truth, it's not your fault. ABC (or XYZ) is making your/our life/lives miserable . . .

An opinion is just that. An opinion. 

That's why MY opinion of you, or the world, or what someone else is doing shouldn't matter to anyone else.

All that matters is what is true for you!

Who Am I?

Towards the end of "Terms of Endearment", the philandering, selfish husband says to his dying wife, "I'm thinking about my identity, and not having one anymore. I mean, who am I if I'm not the man who's failing Emma?"

SUCH a great example of a character who realizes he's gotten stuck in the rut of just being "that guy".

In the improv of life, wrapping your entire identity in being the person who "always" does anything is so dangerous. It prevents you from learning and growing. Even "good" traits that lock you in one position can be harmful, for example, if you've decided that your "character" is the strong one, the one with the shoulder that others can cry on, what do you do when YOU need a shoulder to cry on?

I love performing improv because doing so encourages exploring character and identity and becoming a new person in every scene. In fact, improvisors don't last long if they only have one "character" they perform over and over. The best improvisers come up with a new character in each scene.

The difference between improv and scripted shows is that the writer creates much of the "character" for the actor in a scripted show. However, there's always room for interpretation within that framework. When doing stage shows, I've seen rigid actors butt heads with their director, saying, "My character wouldn't DO that," always with a roll of the eyes and a slight tone of superiority. There are people in real life who do exactly the same thing. If you can see they are stuck in a rut and offer a gentle suggestion to change their current pattern, they look at you with disdain and say, "I would NEVER ."

Then, there are open and relaxed actors who get a piece of direction and say, "Wow. I didn't think my character would do something like that, it's going to be fun to find a motivation for that action." THOSE are the actors that are truly transcendent. They are willing to open up a new place in their character's psyche.  And, those are the people in real life you delight you when they try something different when their old way of doing things didn't work.

In the real world, we see these types of things play out all the time.

We have those friends, family members or acquaintances who are the same, day over day, year over year. Their bad tendencies stay the same or get worse, their good traits are completely fixed and they never behave out of character. They are always the guy who is failing Emma. Or the gal who always hates her job. Or the co-worker who never remembers to bring their wallet to lunch. Or the volunteer who takes the jobs no one wants and looks sad all the time. You can practically recite their "lines" for them when you interact.

The other side of the coin are those friends, family members or acquaintances who are easy to get along with because they always seem to go with the flow, and, they are continually surprising you -in a good way. You pegged them as a slacker but they get a really great job at a really great company and shine doing the work. Or when you first meet them, they are habitually late but over time become the one who is always ten minutes early. These folks set boundaries and are honest in their interactions.

Years ago a company where I worked was launching a recognition program for employees I had a team leader push back, telling me he wasn't going to participate, "I can't start praising my employees and handing out gifts and cards. It's just not 'me'. They'd think I was being weird. I'm the guy who is rough but gets stuff done."

He was partially right. His rigid employees who were used to his behavior WOULD think he was being "weird"-at first- if he starting praising them. But, his go-with-the-flow employees would've welcomed the change. And his rigid employees would've come around, eventually and gotten used to the "new" character of their manager.

But, he was unwilling to change and continued being the "rough manager" and his behavior meant he had a hard time keeping employees. The morale in his group was always low and his employees were either leaving or defecting to other teams as soon as a job opening would arise. He'd locked himself into his role and was unwilling to do something that he felt was out of character and his employees suffered for it. But, he ultimately suffered the most because he was let go in a round of layoffs.

That which causes you pain in your life over and over might be the place where you've locked yourself into being "that guy" or "that gal". Improvise. Adapt. Learn. Grow. Be willing to see what your character will do in a new situation and also be willing to let others change around you. It can be a delight when the guy who's always failing Emma decides to apologize, step up to the plate and change that negative behavior once and for all. Be willing to LET him change and be willing to let yourself change.

The Hardest Thing to Do

In the improv of life, the hardest thing to do seems to be finding empathy and compassion for others.

We are quick to judge and quick to say what we think based on "gut" reactions.

That works great in an improv scene onstage but not so great when it relates to day-to-day living.

I cringe when I think back about the judgments I've made (and held) about people I worked with or other parents or that guy speeding in his black Audi every morning.

I'm not always a nice person. No one is always a nice person. We walk through this world viewing things through the lens of our own experience, insecurities and hang-ups.

I've learned that place where grace happens is when I'm able to find the calm and patience to step back and empathize.

Think about it, we all have crazy times where things aren't going right -we're bickering with our significant other or fighting with the kids or cleaning up dog barf when the there's a knock at the door. We straighten up, put on our best faces and answer, right? We do our damnedest to prevent the unexpected houseguest from seeing our worst.

Only those intimately close to us see the crazy and the struggles and the insecurities and the disarray.

So, if I assume that what others present to the world is their best self THAT DAY, then that's the place where I can find my empathy.

If I can judge less and empathize more maybe I can change my portion of the world. It'll be the hardest thing I ever do but, today, I'm feeling up to the challenge.

International Women's Day

In the improv of life we all have the opportunity to change the world.

Today, on International Women's Day how about we WOMEN celebrate by rising up and agreeing to stop criticizing and judging and comparing ourselves to other women?

How about we all start accepting ourselves and every woman as she IS. Without competition, contempt or jealousy.

We ALL carry the good (the great and amazing, really!), the bad and the ugly in us each day. But, how about TODAY we start treating ourselves and EACH OTHER with grace and acceptance and kindness?

So WHAT if she doesn't look/weigh/dress/groom/parent/date/marry/act/react like you would? Like my mama used to say, "If we were all exactly alike, the world would be a boring place."

So, today, let's begin anew and choose to LIFT other women UP rather than tear them down with our words, our gossip and our disapproval.

And, in the process, let's treat ourselves a little more kindly, too.

What We Don't Talk About

In the improv of life, the thing we don't talk about is this:

You can do everything right and sometimes people treat you badly.

I've seen leaders in business who by all accounts are constantly improving and growing; they are great listeners, give their employees praise and positive feedback and make sure they are getting paid fairly and given flexible scheduling and have many devoted employees and still end up with a bitter employee who quits because they believe they were treated badly!

I've seen excellent employees who are great at taking correction and making positive changes; who do their work at 120% and achieve all their goals -and then some. They take pride in their work and their peers, clients and other leaders in the company adore and depend on them -and still their boss hates them and fires them!

Guess what? It's not YOU, it's them. There are people who arrive in the improv of your life with a chip on their shoulder and no matter what you do, they are not pleased. No matter what the truth is, they will create their own story.

In these instance, all we can do is accept what has happened and move on as quickly and positively as possible. 

The sooner you can forgive and forget, the better off you'll be. 

Remember, forgiving does NOT mean hiring -or working for- that person ever again, it just means forgiving their behavior so you can move on with your own life in a positive way.

Ideas Without Actions Are Useless

Wow, THIS article hit me hard this morning when I read it. "Sorry, There Is No "Idea Guy" Position In The Game Industry"

I've learned that it isn't JUST the game industry where there are folks who want to be the "Idea Guy" -or Gal, it is everywhere in this big, old improv of life!

The ONE good thing, about this "Idea" person is that they actually realize that ideas are infinite and there are plenty of them.

The bad thing is that this type of person wants to take all the CREDIT for the good idea but not do any of the WORK to implement it!

The fact of the matter is:

GOOD IDEAS ARE HARD WORK TO IMPLEMENT!

I once volunteered at a non-profit where the ideas we were implementing were constantly thwarted by a self-proclaimed "idea" guy who wouldn't participate in any other way but to share his "ideas"! To make matters worse, he missed -or was late to- all our meetings. Then, criticized the "do-ers" AFTER an idea (that wasn't his) was implemented.  When asked why he didn't participate in the work necessary to keep the non-profit running, he told us his role was to come up with the ideas and not do the work. 

He didn't realize that having ideas isn't special at all. Making those ideas a REALITY is where the magic happens. THAT'S what's special, the DOING.

Really, I think the "Idea" person is just frightened that they might fail. If they don't do any work, then they can blame the failure of their idea on the people who did the work.

So, instead of ideating, go out and put your idea into action. If your idea doesn't work, try a new one!

Without Listening

I had a friend comment that he saw a show full of very talented actors that missed the mark because everyone onstage appeared to be waiting for their next line and not really listening to each other.

The first thing that popped into my head were the words "Acting without listening is just showing off." Then, I thought about how that statement could be applied to just about any situation on- or off- stage!

I think that type of non-listening is even worse in an improvised scene. When someone is watching improv, they are listening to understand.

Now, technically, all improv actors onstage should also be listening to understand, but some actors just miss that mark.

If an actor misses a crucial bit of information given by someone onstage, the audience knows instantly that actor is just waiting for a "turn" to show off.

Improvisers call this non-listening behavior "steamrolling".

In "real life", people who are listening for their "turn" are usually waiting to:

• Show off,
• Establish their status,
• Demonstrate their high level of skill,
• Dictate,
• Lecture
• Push their own agenda; or - worst of all,
• Make a joke

No one wants to work onstage with a steamroller and in the improv of our daily life, no one wants to live with, work with, or play with a steamroller.

Just as an audience can tell if you aren't really paying attention, people in your life can tell if you aren't really paying attention. 

Listening for your "turn" to speak isn't really listening at all. And, it is very irritating for all those around you.

Take heart, though, the "active listening" muscle can be developed and the first step in that direction is making a conscious decision to listen for understanding, rather than waiting for your turn to "show off"!

I wish I know who first said "Argue as if you're right. Listen as if you're wrong" because I love that idea. Personally, I think more people need to take that advice to heart and the world might be less divisive.

Does your team need training in active listening? I have a workshop for that! Email micheleruth@hotmail.com for more information.