On that note, I had an interesting "gut check" conversation yesterday with a friend about bullying in the workplace. It happens. But, as it is happening so many people (especially managment-types) seem to sit back and accept -and often REWARD- bullying behavior that it is easy to feel a little crazy about what is going on. Remember, the people you work with often won't speak up because they are afraid, they don't see that life has infinite choices and they are not willing to do anything that they (think) might put their job on the line.
Let's face it, most companies don't know how to deal with bullying behavior because it doesn't fall into the neat and tidy box of "sexual harassment". Sexual harassment is against the law and can be prosecuted. Most companies have steps in place to deal swiftly with the behavior. Fact is, that most bullies are crafty enough to avoid sexually harassing others; these types know exactly how to manipulate and work in that gray area of bullying but they (usually) stay away from full-out sexual harassment.
If a company ignores or excuses bullying behavior they are condoning it. If a company promotes bullies regularly it is a toxic environment. Plain and simple.
As a nation we are so focused on the bullying of children and teens that we forget that kid bullies often grow up to be adult bullies - grow up to be workplace bullies.
In this great improv of life you have infinite choices. . . .
Does your company have a "No A-hole Policy" (Good ones do, and they enforce it.) If that's the case, your first choice might be to report it.
If you report something, be very clear about this person's behavior -not your judgment or feelings. Saying, "He is a jerk in meetings," isn't as strong as saying, "He sat in our last meeting in an aggressive posture, with his arms crossed and rolling his eyes and snorted when I spoke and when other people spoke. When he did this, I noticed other people shifting in their seats and dropping their eyes, visibly uncomfortable. At one point he slammed his fist on the table and thrust his finger in Sam's chest saying, 'you're an idiot'." Behavioral examples are a LOT stronger and remove YOUR emotion about the topic; by using them you stand a better chance of remaining professional and being believed.
Is the company going to allow/ignore the behavior? Accept that and move your life's improv on from there.
I will confess that when I had my most bullying boss I sat down and consciously explored my options. I determined that my main goal was to pay off my house and I wasn't going to let this person stand in my way. I chose to stay at the company (but did interview elsewhere during that time, exploring other choices). I understood why I was staying and then focused on what I could control outside of that situation. I filled my time off with focusing on creative endeavors and enjoying my family and friends. The boss ultimately left and I still had my job AND had created and written a show for myself that I still perform. My life. My rules. I won't lie and say it wasn't frustrating and demeaning and demoralizing at times but I made sure that I created outlets for myself and a network of non-work friends I could talk with and that's how I chose to play out that improv.
Is there a bully in your workplace? What are you gonna do about it??
Insight and tools:
Washington State Department of Labor & Industries research and insight on bullying in the workplace.
Even if the workplace bully isn't your boss, if they are someone with power to affect your career, you might want to review my post on Good Boss, Bad Boss and take the BRASSHOLE test.
Rosalind Wiseman wrote a brilliant book about girls and their bullying behavior called QUEEN BEES AND WANNABES. She then followed that up with QUEEN BEE MOMS AND KINGPIN DADS. The latter book focuses directly on the bullying and abusive behavior that occurs amongst kids and their parents. I've read it and thought some of the advice would apply to workplace situations also.
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