If You Build It . . . (5 Ways to Keep Motivated if they DON'T come)

I love movies.

Movies are shadow and illusion and what-might-be played out on the big screen. I can't resist!

Dialogue from movies STICKS in our collective consciousness.

The #39 top movie quote of all time is "If you build it, he will come."

This earworm is MY pick for the most dangerous movie quote of all time.

We glass-half-full creatives HEAR that quote as "If you build it, THEY will come."

That quote is in many artistic brains as we create something new, risky and daring.

That quote propels us hopefully onward.

But, this optimist is here to tell you, life isn't like the movies.

Even documentaries aren't real life, they are a filmmaker's version of what happened.

In the improv of life, the truth is this: If you build it . . . they might NOT come.

Even if you created something amazingly awesome.

They might not see your show.

They might not buy your art.

They might not want your music.

They might not SEEM to want any part of that creative thing you do.

IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD GIVE UP!

It just means you need to have a PLAN for those times when people don't see your show; buy your art or listen to your music.

If you must, allow yourself to have a 30 minute pity-party (set a timer). Then let it go and do something to keep you moving onward and upward!!

Here are five things you can do to keep motivated:

1. HAVE A LAUGH.
Browse through the website One Hundred Famous Rejections to read about all the very famous, well-loved authors who've been rejected. It's affirming to realize that others can often be WRONG about talent and art!

2. BRAINSTORM
Grab a piece of paper and write down 100 or more things you could do differently with your creative work. Brainstorm for quantity -not quality. Get silly. Get serious. Set the list aside for a day, then look at it the next day and highlight the ideas that just might work. Then, get to work.

3. DO SOMETHING NEW
But stay creative. If you're a musician, try painting. If you're a painter, try music. Anything to keep the creativity going but without the pressure of having to "be great".

4.  TAKE A BREATHER
Put your art aside for a day or two. Scrub your toilets, weed the garden, wash the dog -any physical labor that takes you away from your studio or creative space.

5. COLLABORATE
Find a friend who does something in your field and join forces. Just for fun. You'll both remind each other that you do great work.

Do you have anything YOU do to keep motivated? Please comment and share!!

I Trusted You

Just around bedtime, our son confessed that he had gotten called into the office at school!

What? Our empathetic, sweet boy?

Turns out our angel was playing a version of "so-and-so has cooties" game.

Hmmm.

That led to a discussion about treating people kindly. He told us that this person was a friend and that he'd apologized and that they were "good" now.

Really?

The hubby and I pointed out that he'd better re-examine how he behaved with friends and explained that he'd destroyed the trust in their relationship.

Ultimately, we told him he was going to have to work very hard to build back the original TRUST of this person. 

And, like any typical nearly-ten-year-old boy would, he rolled his eyes, shrugged his shoulders and left the room once we'd shared our wisdom!

In the improv of life, trust is crucial.

I remind my improv students all the time, that an "offer" made to purposely make a scene partner uncomfortable isn't the way to play the game.

It's not fun.

In real life it isn't fun, either.

What's the old saying?

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Good improv -like good friendships- builds on the strengths of a scene partner, not their discomfort.

Today, I challenge you to only do "scenes" where you build up and strengthen those you interact with.

Remember, it's easy to tear things apart. It is far more creative to build UP.

Go With the Flow

In the improv of life we all have the same 24 hours in our days.

How do you spend your 24 hours?

How much of your work day do you spend doing things that energize you?

How much of your free time do you spend doing things that energize you?

Have you yet identified what specific activities fall into your flow?

If not, I suggest you do it now so you can be specific and purposeful in what you do.

Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi, the former head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago identified the concept of "flow".

When a person is performing an activity that is within their flow, they are completely immersed in a state of energized focus, fully enjoying and completely involved in the process.

When you're in your flow you feel supremely alive! You feel wide-awake, excited and creative when you're doing those things. Someone involved in their flow doesn't feel bored, depressed or anxious.

(And, if you are feeling any of those things I'm here to tell you you're not really in your flow!)

Beyond flow, there are tasks and activities where we might be particularly skilled but those activities don't excite us at all.

So please remember, just because an employee or volunteer is good at something, it doesn't necessarily mean they are happily engaged in one of their flow activities.

More than once I've heard a leader say, "He's in his flow," while watching someone skillfully performing a task.

Or say, "I'm going to ask her to (FILL IN THE BLANK)  because it'll be right in her flow!"

But I always wonder, did you ask that person about their flow?


I think one of the frustrations in life is when someone else mistakes our skill for our passion.

Ironically, some of the things we do well, or easily, can be something we do efficiently because we dislike it and are trying to complete it quickly!


Another mistake, I think we make is assuming flow-by-association.

For example, asking the Dad who just made a fabulous casserole for the neighborhood potluck to whip up a batch of cupcakes for a PTA event, might induce anxiety in his heart.

He might indeed find his flow in cooking but hate baking.

You were innocently assuming that baking falls right in his flow because he said he loved cooking (and that casserole was SOOOOO good).

Cooking. Baking. It all happens in the kitchen, right?

Same thing, right?

Wrong. There are significant differences.

If baking is NOT in his flow, and that Dad agrees to bake the cupcakes, he'll probably do it skillfully but find it completely exhausting and frustrating.

Even more frustrating, he'll probably do a great job and find that he's expected to bring the homemade cupcakes from then on!

Has anything similar ever happened to you?

It has certainly happened to me.

I'm no longer in the corporate world but I'm very active in the volunteer world.

Over the years, I've become better about protecting my free time and keeping a good balance of flow activities in my week. However, what I'm NOT good at yet is turning down non-flow requests more openly.

I tend to say, "I can't, I'm busy, " when I'm asked to give of my time in a non-flow activity.

What I really should say is, "I've reached my allotment this week for doing volunteer activities that are out of my flow."

Today, I put a challenge out there to leaders to get specific information regarding flow.

Ask your employees, volunteers -even family members- these three questions:

1. What specific tasks and activities energize you?
2. What specific tasks and activities do you feel accomplished doing but you would prefer to do less often?
3. What specific tasks and activities completely drain you?

We did this exercise on a team once and found that a completely draining task for one person was a flow task for another! The two were able to "trade" tasks and their energy and happiness increased.

Alan Alda on Bringing Improv to Science

Brilliant! THIS is what I'm talking about. Improv can help ALL aspects of life and it isn't about being funny, it is about being genuine.

Great video:




This article is also shared on my Pinterest Board IMPROVISATION.

How To Stop Driving Us Crazy

How many times have you heard someone dismiss their irritating and/or rude behavior as if it were a virtue -a cute, nutty quirk of their personality?

In the improv of life, let's call it what it is: bad manners disguised as self-deprecating humor.

"Oh, I'm such a flake!" Your co-worker says, laughing it off, when you run into him/her in the lunch room after they've blown off the fifth meeting with you to discuss a crucial project.

"I just can't ever seem to get out the door on time," says your friend with a shrug and a winning smile, after you've been waiting at the restaurant for so long, that you've resorted to eating your napkin for sustenance.

"I'm just not great with people," says your new significant other, with a wink and a kiss, after an evening out meeting your old college friends -during which the love-of-your-life only offered grunts or mumbled one-world answers in response to all attempts at conversation.

Do any of these sound familiar? Do you do this?

When the stakes don't count, this behavior is okay, "I'm such a bad bowler!" flies -as long as you say it BEFORE you let your co-workers con you into joining their bowling team. But, anything that causes other people in your life-scenes pain is driving them crazy, too. Pure and simple.

It isn't cute to them. It isn't quirky and nutty. It is plain rude.

Here's the simplest way to FIX IT when your behavioral quirk impacts others negatively:

Apologize.

I think you'll see that apologizing is hard and uncomfortable. Apologizing WITHOUT adding a disclaimer is painful. It's also necessary if you truly want to stop driving other people crazy.

"I'm sorry I missed our fifth meeting, it was unthoughtful of me. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was late, it was rude of me to make you wait. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was rude to your best friends. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

Treating a character flaw as if it were a quirk is just laziness.

We're all more creative than that. Letting go of negative behavior doesn't make anyone "less". In fact, it gives us room to be more innovative. It lets us participate in more varied and agreeable scenes in the improvisation of life.

So, change it up. Do a scene today where you don't drive someone crazy.