How To Stop Driving Us Crazy

How many times have you heard someone dismiss their irritating and/or rude behavior as if it were a virtue -a cute, nutty quirk of their personality?

In the improv of life, let's call it what it is: bad manners disguised as self-deprecating humor.

"Oh, I'm such a flake!" Your co-worker says, laughing it off, when you run into him/her in the lunch room after they've blown off the fifth meeting with you to discuss a crucial project.

"I just can't ever seem to get out the door on time," says your friend with a shrug and a winning smile, after you've been waiting at the restaurant for so long, that you've resorted to eating your napkin for sustenance.

"I'm just not great with people," says your new significant other, with a wink and a kiss, after an evening out meeting your old college friends -during which the love-of-your-life only offered grunts or mumbled one-world answers in response to all attempts at conversation.

Do any of these sound familiar? Do you do this?

When the stakes don't count, this behavior is okay, "I'm such a bad bowler!" flies -as long as you say it BEFORE you let your co-workers con you into joining their bowling team. But, anything that causes other people in your life-scenes pain is driving them crazy, too. Pure and simple.

It isn't cute to them. It isn't quirky and nutty. It is plain rude.

Here's the simplest way to FIX IT when your behavioral quirk impacts others negatively:

Apologize.

I think you'll see that apologizing is hard and uncomfortable. Apologizing WITHOUT adding a disclaimer is painful. It's also necessary if you truly want to stop driving other people crazy.

"I'm sorry I missed our fifth meeting, it was unthoughtful of me. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was late, it was rude of me to make you wait. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was rude to your best friends. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

Treating a character flaw as if it were a quirk is just laziness.

We're all more creative than that. Letting go of negative behavior doesn't make anyone "less". In fact, it gives us room to be more innovative. It lets us participate in more varied and agreeable scenes in the improvisation of life.

So, change it up. Do a scene today where you don't drive someone crazy.

Three Little Words

I am sorry.

Those are the 3 most powerful words in any relationship; especially if a leader says it.

WARNING: Those words should be said and left alone. If you add a "but" it negates the apology.

Examples:

I am sorry, but . . . you were doing it wrong so I had to step in and fix it.
I am sorry, but . . . you are too sensitive.
I am sorry, but . . . we're going to have to let you go.

See? The "but" is never good.

Here are other ways to say, "I am sorry":

I was wrong.
I was mistaken.
You are right.
I apologize.
Please forgive me.

Leaders, memorize those. They are important to have in your lexicon.

Sex, Drugs & Human Resources

Hi friends! Here's a secret from the HR department that will save you a lot of pain: Don't violate your company's Code of Conduct and/or Sexual Harassment policy. Even if all the cool kids are doing something.

Guess what? If you do something your boss told you to do and you know it violates your company's policies but you do it anyway, well, that doesn't hold up in a court of law.

Guess what? Some bosses aren't ethical. Some co-workers aren't ethical either. You might have to say, "No." You might have to report something. It sucks, but, it's better to be prepared -rather than shocked- if someone does something that you have to respectfully refuse to do, or you know you have to report.

Guess what? Some of your co-workers might say something offensive or inappropriate in the workplace. (It happens ALL the time, trust me.) Guess what? You might say something offensive or inappropriate in the workplace. I really believe that most people don't come to work planning to offend but sometimes they do. If you witness something that is potentially a problem, a quick comment to the person who said it might be the kindest thing you can do to help them out. (Hey, friendly co-worker, I think you might've upset Chris with that joke you made about -fill in the blank-.)

That gives them the opportunity to go to Chris with an apology.

Guess what? An apology goes a loooooong way. If someone has the guts to tell you that they found something you said/did offensive, then apologize. Apologizing doesn't mean that you are agreeing with them. If you truly don't understand what was offensive, then politely ask. So you don't do it again. Or, so you can have a conversation with HR and say, "Give me a gut-check, on this, I apologized but don't understand what's so offensive . . . ."

How ethical is your workplace? Have you ever been asked to do something unethical? Have you witnessed or experienced harassment?