How To Stop Driving Us Crazy

How many times have you heard someone dismiss their irritating and/or rude behavior as if it were a virtue -a cute, nutty quirk of their personality?

In the improv of life, let's call it what it is: bad manners disguised as self-deprecating humor.

"Oh, I'm such a flake!" Your co-worker says, laughing it off, when you run into him/her in the lunch room after they've blown off the fifth meeting with you to discuss a crucial project.

"I just can't ever seem to get out the door on time," says your friend with a shrug and a winning smile, after you've been waiting at the restaurant for so long, that you've resorted to eating your napkin for sustenance.

"I'm just not great with people," says your new significant other, with a wink and a kiss, after an evening out meeting your old college friends -during which the love-of-your-life only offered grunts or mumbled one-world answers in response to all attempts at conversation.

Do any of these sound familiar? Do you do this?

When the stakes don't count, this behavior is okay, "I'm such a bad bowler!" flies -as long as you say it BEFORE you let your co-workers con you into joining their bowling team. But, anything that causes other people in your life-scenes pain is driving them crazy, too. Pure and simple.

It isn't cute to them. It isn't quirky and nutty. It is plain rude.

Here's the simplest way to FIX IT when your behavioral quirk impacts others negatively:

Apologize.

I think you'll see that apologizing is hard and uncomfortable. Apologizing WITHOUT adding a disclaimer is painful. It's also necessary if you truly want to stop driving other people crazy.

"I'm sorry I missed our fifth meeting, it was unthoughtful of me. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was late, it was rude of me to make you wait. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

"I'm sorry I was rude to your best friends. It won't happen again."

Then follow through.

Treating a character flaw as if it were a quirk is just laziness.

We're all more creative than that. Letting go of negative behavior doesn't make anyone "less". In fact, it gives us room to be more innovative. It lets us participate in more varied and agreeable scenes in the improvisation of life.

So, change it up. Do a scene today where you don't drive someone crazy.