The Hardest Thing to Do

In the improv of life, the hardest thing to do seems to be finding empathy and compassion for others.

We are quick to judge and quick to say what we think based on "gut" reactions.

That works great in an improv scene onstage but not so great when it relates to day-to-day living.

I cringe when I think back about the judgments I've made (and held) about people I worked with or other parents or that guy speeding in his black Audi every morning.

I'm not always a nice person. No one is always a nice person. We walk through this world viewing things through the lens of our own experience, insecurities and hang-ups.

I've learned that place where grace happens is when I'm able to find the calm and patience to step back and empathize.

Think about it, we all have crazy times where things aren't going right -we're bickering with our significant other or fighting with the kids or cleaning up dog barf when the there's a knock at the door. We straighten up, put on our best faces and answer, right? We do our damnedest to prevent the unexpected houseguest from seeing our worst.

Only those intimately close to us see the crazy and the struggles and the insecurities and the disarray.

So, if I assume that what others present to the world is their best self THAT DAY, then that's the place where I can find my empathy.

If I can judge less and empathize more maybe I can change my portion of the world. It'll be the hardest thing I ever do but, today, I'm feeling up to the challenge.

International Women's Day

In the improv of life we all have the opportunity to change the world.

Today, on International Women's Day how about we WOMEN celebrate by rising up and agreeing to stop criticizing and judging and comparing ourselves to other women?

How about we all start accepting ourselves and every woman as she IS. Without competition, contempt or jealousy.

We ALL carry the good (the great and amazing, really!), the bad and the ugly in us each day. But, how about TODAY we start treating ourselves and EACH OTHER with grace and acceptance and kindness?

So WHAT if she doesn't look/weigh/dress/groom/parent/date/marry/act/react like you would? Like my mama used to say, "If we were all exactly alike, the world would be a boring place."

So, today, let's begin anew and choose to LIFT other women UP rather than tear them down with our words, our gossip and our disapproval.

And, in the process, let's treat ourselves a little more kindly, too.

What We Don't Talk About

In the improv of life, the thing we don't talk about is this:

You can do everything right and sometimes people treat you badly.

I've seen leaders in business who by all accounts are constantly improving and growing; they are great listeners, give their employees praise and positive feedback and make sure they are getting paid fairly and given flexible scheduling and have many devoted employees and still end up with a bitter employee who quits because they believe they were treated badly!

I've seen excellent employees who are great at taking correction and making positive changes; who do their work at 120% and achieve all their goals -and then some. They take pride in their work and their peers, clients and other leaders in the company adore and depend on them -and still their boss hates them and fires them!

Guess what? It's not YOU, it's them. There are people who arrive in the improv of your life with a chip on their shoulder and no matter what you do, they are not pleased. No matter what the truth is, they will create their own story.

In these instance, all we can do is accept what has happened and move on as quickly and positively as possible. 

The sooner you can forgive and forget, the better off you'll be. 

Remember, forgiving does NOT mean hiring -or working for- that person ever again, it just means forgiving their behavior so you can move on with your own life in a positive way.

Ideas Without Actions Are Useless

Wow, THIS article hit me hard this morning when I read it. "Sorry, There Is No "Idea Guy" Position In The Game Industry"

I've learned that it isn't JUST the game industry where there are folks who want to be the "Idea Guy" -or Gal, it is everywhere in this big, old improv of life!

The ONE good thing, about this "Idea" person is that they actually realize that ideas are infinite and there are plenty of them.

The bad thing is that this type of person wants to take all the CREDIT for the good idea but not do any of the WORK to implement it!

The fact of the matter is:

GOOD IDEAS ARE HARD WORK TO IMPLEMENT!

I once volunteered at a non-profit where the ideas we were implementing were constantly thwarted by a self-proclaimed "idea" guy who wouldn't participate in any other way but to share his "ideas"! To make matters worse, he missed -or was late to- all our meetings. Then, criticized the "do-ers" AFTER an idea (that wasn't his) was implemented.  When asked why he didn't participate in the work necessary to keep the non-profit running, he told us his role was to come up with the ideas and not do the work. 

He didn't realize that having ideas isn't special at all. Making those ideas a REALITY is where the magic happens. THAT'S what's special, the DOING.

Really, I think the "Idea" person is just frightened that they might fail. If they don't do any work, then they can blame the failure of their idea on the people who did the work.

So, instead of ideating, go out and put your idea into action. If your idea doesn't work, try a new one!

Without Listening

I had a friend comment that he saw a show full of very talented actors that missed the mark because everyone onstage appeared to be waiting for their next line and not really listening to each other.

The first thing that popped into my head were the words "Acting without listening is just showing off." Then, I thought about how that statement could be applied to just about any situation on- or off- stage!

I think that type of non-listening is even worse in an improvised scene. When someone is watching improv, they are listening to understand.

Now, technically, all improv actors onstage should also be listening to understand, but some actors just miss that mark.

If an actor misses a crucial bit of information given by someone onstage, the audience knows instantly that actor is just waiting for a "turn" to show off.

Improvisers call this non-listening behavior "steamrolling".

In "real life", people who are listening for their "turn" are usually waiting to:

• Show off,
• Establish their status,
• Demonstrate their high level of skill,
• Dictate,
• Lecture
• Push their own agenda; or - worst of all,
• Make a joke

No one wants to work onstage with a steamroller and in the improv of our daily life, no one wants to live with, work with, or play with a steamroller.

Just as an audience can tell if you aren't really paying attention, people in your life can tell if you aren't really paying attention. 

Listening for your "turn" to speak isn't really listening at all. And, it is very irritating for all those around you.

Take heart, though, the "active listening" muscle can be developed and the first step in that direction is making a conscious decision to listen for understanding, rather than waiting for your turn to "show off"!

I wish I know who first said "Argue as if you're right. Listen as if you're wrong" because I love that idea. Personally, I think more people need to take that advice to heart and the world might be less divisive.

Does your team need training in active listening? I have a workshop for that! Email micheleruth@hotmail.com for more information.