Stop Asking Why, Oh, Why?

Knowing WHY doesn't change what IS.

But we still want to know WHY, don't we?

The word WHY is the hallmark of the "terrible twos".

Why, mommy, why? Why, uncle, why? Why, sister, why? Why, grandpa, why?

Why? Why?Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

When we are two, we want to know because we are just starting to figure out this big, blue marble and all the people that inhabit it.

Guess what, even though we grow out of verbalizing the "why" like a two year-old, we never stop wondering why people behave the way they do.

We want to know why (s)he broke up with us.

We want to know why we didn't get the job even though we know we were the best candidate.

We want to know why the boss is acting in the frustrating way (s)he does.

In an improv scene no one asks why. Because improv actors know that asking WHY isn't going to propel the scene forward. Improv actors know that asking WHY is actually BLOCKING the action. Improv actors know that asking WHY puts all the control (and responsibility) in the scene onto the other actor.

It's the same in the improv of life.

Yes, wanting to KNOW why is almost a visceral response, especially if the "scene" is emotionally charged.

But, if you don't move past it you can get stuck in "needing to know why" -needing to know the reason for someone else's behavior. Even worse, you might start imagining reasons why someone did what they did.

(Yes, if the SAME thing keeps "happening" over and over you should ask WHY. But, you should be asking it in the context of examining your own behavior, not the behavior of others.)

NEEDING to know WHY someone did something is a powerless place to live. People who feel powerless do stupid things, sometimes even dangerous things.

So, after you've gotten through the emotion, stop asking WHY and instead say, YES this is the situation AND, I'm going to . . . .

YES, AND . . .  puts YOU in control of this scene in your life.

Get Your Own Idea

This post might make you angry. I'm just saying this up front so you can stop reading if you're easily offended. But, I know that there are people out there who need to hear this:

Stop hijacking bandwagons!

Bandwagon Hijackers are the folks who you didn't INVITE to participate (or give feedback) on your project but feel duty-bound to tell you HOW you should implement YOUR creative idea in a different way.

OR, they offer no support (or comment) UNTIL they see you succeeding with something and then want to add their two cents or get involved.

I know, I know, it is far easier to jump on someone else's bandwagon rather than build your own.

I get it.

Everyone wants to be part of a winning team.

I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been a Bandwagon Hijacker myself. I'm not proud of that and I do my best every day to focus on my OWN ideas rather than someone else's.

I don't think it is malicious behavior at all but instead, I see it as the behavior of people who wish there were magic fairies to do all the dirty, boring, painful things that must be done before a creative, winning idea becomes a reality.

But, you know as well as I do that there are no shortcuts.

You might've been oblivious before, and didn't know what you were doing, but now that you've read this far, I'll say it again:

You need to stop hijacking bandwagons!

If you're hijacking someone else's bandwagon, your behavior is obnoxious and harmful.

It is not helpful OR appropriate to sit back and watch someone else putting in the sweat and TIME on a creative project and casually EXPECT to hop on just as it is gaining momentum . . .

. . . without being there from the beginning to UNDERSTAND why the creative is doing what (s)he's doing the way he or she is doing it . . .

. . . without putting in the hours  . . .

. . . without having any idea of the passion, meaning or intent behind the art . . .


Even worse, Bandwagon Hijackers can completely destroy an idea if the creative isn't confident.

Especially in those early stages when an idea isn't fully formed.

That is the stage when the wheels are on but all the nuts and bolts aren't tightened so the bandwagon is barely held aloft on wobbly wheels. One casual push could send the whole thing crashing into a pile of rubble.

It is that point in the process when the creative is struggling to pull through a patch of sand and the extra weight of YOU, sitting on back will prove to be too much and the creative will leave everything sitting in the desert of unfulfilled visions never to be seen again.

There has been nothing more frustrating in my life than seeing truly original and creative projects destroyed by hijackers.


So, if you weren't invited to be a part of the project then enjoy it for what it is or keep quiet.

If you weren't invited to give your "feedback" or ideas, then don't.

If what I'm saying is making you feel angry because you KNOW that you have GREAT ideas for other people's projects, I'm here to tell you that what you're really hearing is your own inner creative SCREAMING to be let out.

So, today I DARE YOU to:

1. Step away from someone else's bandwagon;
2. Do your own thing, be original. Be brave.

I cannot promise that your original idea will succeed but I can promise that the more time you spend creating your own work, the less time you'll have to take a sledgehammer to someone else's bandwagon.

P.S. If you post an unformed idea on social media, you can expect it to be hijacked. Only do this if you have a super-confident thick skin -or, you are trying to weed out and identify the hijackers!

20 Minute Brain Dump

Brain dumps are as random
as this photo!

I didn't blog yesterday. Instead, I spent my writing time with my 89-year-old Auntie who is a joy to be around. She's the most positive person I know!

Today, during my blogging time, I decided to join my husband and walk our little man to school.

It doesn't mean, however, that I haven't had a bazillion creative ideas bashing about in my head!

Each day, my goal is to encourage others to think creatively, explore their creativity and unleash that creativity on the world.

So today I'm doing something that is part "Morning Pages" and part "talk to the wall" exercise. Basically it comes down to the same thing, dump out what's in your brain -either verbally or on paper or on computer- and see what "sticks". See what creative ideas might work. What might stick and then just letting go of the rest. Quantity NOT quality is the goal of this exercise.

As an example, here's my dump:

Tried to write a post on "rules" yesterday in the afternoon. I hated it so I dumped it. But, I did love the Pee Wee clip I added, so I'll put it here. 

I wonder what would happen if no one shopped on Thanksgiving or black Friday? Wouldn't the stores just have to make those sales on a different day? I worked 7 Thanksgivings (and Christmases) in a row when I performed at DisneyWorld and it was weird at first, I enjoyed being a special part of other people's holiday celebrations. Stores aren't creating special family moments. Stores are just trying to get us to spend money on stuff we probably don't need. I am closing my Macy's card account. I won't be shopping at Kohl's, JCP, Wal-mart or Target. After I made that decision, I went to my locally run drugstore and bought all the stuff I needed like TP, etc for less than I would've paid at Target. Kind of a lovely little, "it'll be okay" reminder. I lived without those stores before and I can live without them now. AND I saved money on gas. I'll have to get creative but I think that cutting those stores out of my life might actually be fun and freeing.

Maybe the key to getting rid of "sexy" costumes for females is to teach our sons to NOT react or give attention to women dressed that way.  On a separate note, the husband is planning a backlash on the sexy trend. He's going as a beer keg and plans to wear short-shorts with it. To be a sexy beer keg. I love my husband.

Debra Trappen of d11 consulting was right (and I knew she would be). She challenged me to get more involved with LinkedIn groups. I did. I started a conversation and some lovely people responded with some great things. It all happened faster than I expected. I love community. I love people who are smarter than I am and share their wisdom.

Times up. The little man is home from his 1/2 day at school. Yesterday, he built a car out of a cardboard box. He's been driving around the house from room to room. Kids are the best creative idea generators out there.

Now, you try! Do a brain dump. No filter. Just write what's on your mind. Doesn't even have to make sense!