In fact THIS past Wednesday night it came up. I didn't get THIS far into it, but, driving home, I thought about the creepy versus not creepy factor in conversations. So, since I didn't get a chance to share it with the class, I thought I'd share it with YOU, dear readers!
As I teach my improv students, "A scene is enhanced by specifics," so, I'll be specific.
Creepy covers all sorts of things but mostly they fall into these categories.
1. REFERRING TO SOMEONE'S APPEARANCE OR PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES IF YOU'VE JUST MET THEM -OR BARELY KNOW THEM.
1. REFERRING TO SOMEONE'S APPEARANCE OR PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES IF YOU'VE JUST MET THEM -OR BARELY KNOW THEM.
You look sexy in that dress. Creepy.
What a great dress. Not creepy.
You look tired, too much going on at night? Wink. Nudge. Creepy.
How is your day going? Not creepy.
(Said to a pregnant woman) When is that baby gonna pop? Creepy
You seem happy. Not creepy.
I want to (fill in the blank) John in accounting. Creepy.
I have a crush on John in accounting. Less creepy.
Silence. Not creepy.
Commenting on someone's physical appearance is dicey, even if you do know them. But, if you barely know them. Just drop that subject.
2. TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFORMATION TOO SOON -ESPECIALLY IF IT IS VIOLENT OR SEXUAL IN NATURE.
When I was a kid, I fantasized about killing my parents with a baseball bat while they slept. CREEPY.
I didn't have a great childhood. Not creepy.
This is stuff you share MAYBE with a close confidant. Not a casual acquaintance.
3. INAPPROPRIATE OR UNEXPECTED EMOTION
Crying while discussing a pet that is alive and well just because you love that pet SOOOOO much. Creepy.
Calmly discussing a pet that is alive and well. Not creepy.
This is similar to too much information. Crying or laughing or other emotional outbursts that don't fit the topic will always have the effect of making your conversation partner uncomfortable.
4. COMMENTS THAT HAVE NO RELATION TO WHAT WAS JUST SAID.
You: Nice job with the Winston presentation!
CoWorker: I'm going to Spain next month. Creepy.
You: Nice job with the Winston presentation!
CoWorker: Thanks, that one was touch and go but I made it! Not Creepy.
This behavior makes people think you aren't listening! Our son used to just blurt out the word "pizza" when he was uncomfortable. It was darned frustrating to have a conversation with him when he did that, let me tell you. He's stopped that behavior (thank goodness) but some adults do similar in conversation and then wonder why they can't connect!
5. ASSUMING FAMILIARITY AND/OR "SELLING".
(Said within 5 minutes of meeting)
You and me should be best friends? You should come over and meet the wife and kids. When are you free? Tonight? Have you ever heard of Amway? I can tell you'd be JUST the type of gal who'd love it! Creepy.
It was great talking with you. Not creepy.
Even dropping the Amway sales pitch from the previous scenario, when you make quick assumptions or get too familiar with people they instantly activate their heat shields and step away.
6. PUNS OR WISECRACKS ON THE LITERAL MEANINGS OF A WORD SOMEONE SPEAKS-ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE IN ANY WAY SEXUAL IN NATURE
You, in reference to an event you plan to attend: I'll be coming
CoWorker: That's what she said. Creepy.
These types of "jokes" makes people think you aren't listening but, instead waiting for "cue" words to make your groaner joke.
7. ACTIVELY NOT LISTENING (Thanks to my friend, Alora, for this one!)
Let me stop you right there. Creepy.
Tell me more. Not creepy.
Unless you can -with 100% accuracy- read someone's mind, it is rude and disrespectful to ASSUME that you know what they are going to say.
This list is FAR from complete. Part of conversing is LISTENING and watching VISUAL cues from your conversation partner. If they look visibly uncomfortable, you might've just gone into "creepy" territory. Best bet then, is to say, "Oh, I think I may have put my foot into my mouth. I'm sorry."
Each conversation is a scene you are acting out with another person. Keep it light, keep it fun (without trying to "be funny") when you first meet someone and you'll have a greater chance at success.
will continue this series! My next topic will HOW to start a conversation, when to KEEP up a conversation and gracefully EXITING a conversation!
You seem happy. Not creepy.
I want to (fill in the blank)
I have a crush on John in accounting. Less creepy.
Silence. Not creepy.
Commenting on someone's physical appearance is dicey, even if you do know them. But, if you barely know them. Just drop that subject.
2. TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFORMATION TOO SOON -ESPECIALLY IF IT IS VIOLENT OR SEXUAL IN NATURE.
When I was a kid, I fantasized about killing my parents with a baseball bat while they slept. CREEPY.
I didn't have a great childhood. Not creepy.
This is stuff you share MAYBE with a close confidant. Not a casual acquaintance.
3. INAPPROPRIATE OR UNEXPECTED EMOTION
Crying while discussing a pet that is alive and well just because you love that pet SOOOOO much. Creepy.
Calmly discussing a pet that is alive and well. Not creepy.
This is similar to too much information. Crying or laughing or other emotional outbursts that don't fit the topic will always have the effect of making your conversation partner uncomfortable.
4. COMMENTS THAT HAVE NO RELATION TO WHAT WAS JUST SAID.
You: Nice job with the Winston presentation!
CoWorker: I'm going to Spain next month. Creepy.
You: Nice job with the Winston presentation!
CoWorker: Thanks, that one was touch and go but I made it! Not Creepy.
This behavior makes people think you aren't listening! Our son used to just blurt out the word "pizza" when he was uncomfortable. It was darned frustrating to have a conversation with him when he did that, let me tell you. He's stopped that behavior (thank goodness) but some adults do similar in conversation and then wonder why they can't connect!
5. ASSUMING FAMILIARITY AND/OR "SELLING".
(Said within 5 minutes of meeting)
You and me should be best friends? You should come over and meet the wife and kids. When are you free? Tonight? Have you ever heard of Amway? I can tell you'd be JUST the type of gal who'd love it! Creepy.
It was great talking with you. Not creepy.
Even dropping the Amway sales pitch from the previous scenario, when you make quick assumptions or get too familiar with people they instantly activate their heat shields and step away.
6. PUNS OR WISECRACKS ON THE LITERAL MEANINGS OF A WORD SOMEONE SPEAKS-ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE IN ANY WAY SEXUAL IN NATURE
You, in reference to an event you plan to attend: I'll be coming
CoWorker: That's what she said. Creepy.
These types of "jokes" makes people think you aren't listening but, instead waiting for "cue" words to make your groaner joke.
7. ACTIVELY NOT LISTENING (Thanks to my friend, Alora, for this one!)
Let me stop you right there. Creepy.
Tell me more. Not creepy.
Unless you can -with 100% accuracy- read someone's mind, it is rude and disrespectful to ASSUME that you know what they are going to say.
This list is FAR from complete. Part of conversing is LISTENING and watching VISUAL cues from your conversation partner. If they look visibly uncomfortable, you might've just gone into "creepy" territory. Best bet then, is to say, "Oh, I think I may have put my foot into my mouth. I'm sorry."
Each conversation is a scene you are acting out with another person. Keep it light, keep it fun (without trying to "be funny") when you first meet someone and you'll have a greater chance at success.
will continue this series! My next topic will HOW to start a conversation, when to KEEP up a conversation and gracefully EXITING a conversation!
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