When Ideas Become Orders

In the improvisation of life, sometimes it takes going back and reviewing a scene in my head to see why I reacted as I did.

Recently, I took the time to step back and ponder a gut reaction I had to one of life's scenes.

The behavior that inspired such a strong (angry) reaction from me was an idea thrown out to a group.

Ideas! I love ideas! I love to brainstorm with people, I love to get the energy flowing I love to turn the best ideas into action plans and implement them.

So . . . being angry due to an idea, that was out-of-character, right?

Wrong.

The person who shared the idea is someone in the group who honestly never does any of the heavy lifting. This person shows up to meetings, throws out a bunch of "ideas" and then disappears until the next month's meeting. I got angry because I felt bossed around. I realized that it wasn't an idea thing at all, but, it was a STATUS thing!  This person was pulling high status on the rest of the group! (Click HERE to read my post on status.)

The idea was really an ORDER.

It was a directive to others in the group to put time and effort into implementing a plan devised by this person.

This self-avowed "idea person" was really a dictator.

No one likes a dictator. Dictators inspire loathing.

Leaders inspire. Leaders do their part in implementing an idea.

This scene in the improv of life gave me the gift of insight.

I love ideas and I don't want to be a dictator, so, I've decided that unless I'm willing to put in the sweat/time/effort to seeing an idea of mine to fruition, I'll do my best to KEEP IT TO MYSELF!

What's Your Status?

Last night, in improv class, a scene fell off the rails because one of the scene partners did not accept a STATUS offer. The first offer indicated that his character in the scene would be LOW status but he immediately jumped to HIGH status. By not accepting the status, the first offer was blocked and the scene didn't get far.

In thinking about it later that night, it hit me. Like that improv, so much of the problems we have in real-life interactions are due to STATUS issues!

In every good improv - just like life- STATUS comes in to play. You can try to deny it, but, if you're interested in positive communication AND honest you understand that ALL of life's interactions involve a hierarchy -involve STATUS.

In setting out a simple improv scene, let's have a boss (high status) and an employee (low status). Seeing the status SWITCH as the scene progresses becomes fun as we, the audience discover the employee is actually smarter. We watch with glee when the statuses subtly switch as the smart employee outwits the boss. This is great COMEDY -this switch of status. The stuff of great sitcoms and the stuff of great improv.

However, if the status doesn't switch, we have drama. Right? Right! Each character playing their status to the hilt. And drama is closer to real life.

In real-life we continually move between interactions where our status is high and interactions where our status is low. Those who navigate life easily understand this.

Think about it: We all know people who approach each and every interaction by assuming they have the highest status. Those people come across as imperious, aggressive, bossy,  and rude. If/when someone points out their folly -or reveals them to be of lower status than they've taken for themselves, their fall from grace is NOT pretty.

Conversely, we all know people who approach each and every life situation as if they were low status. They come across as weak, ineffectual, and timid. They are the frustrating bosses, the waffling parents, and the indecisive leaders -the people who attempt to defer to them eventually give up in despair.

Where drama (life) and comedy (improv) differ is this: In an improv scene, we start out big, we pick a status to BEGIN the scene with. We understand that we will probably change our status at some point for the comedy of it. In an improv scene, if we start out high status, we understand and WORK in the scene to LOSE status in order to keep the scene funny and entertaining. This approach doesn't work in real-life.

In life, the most self-aware people approach each interaction from neutral status and adapt their status quickly as the situation is revealed to achieve the best possible outcome. Let me repeat that: to achieve the BEST possible outcome.

Those who succeed most in LIFE understand when to GIVE status; when to HONOR those in authority. And when to TAKE status; by giving GRACE to those over which they have authority.

Do you know people who maintain their status no MATTER whether the situation warrants it or not?
Do you know people who gracefully know when to defer and when to lead?
What are YOUR thoughts on status?

It's not Going to Kill you

When you were a child, how many times did an adult say, "Just try it, it's not going to kill you"? They were right (otherwise you'd be dead and unable to read this post).

You can think you know if you're going to like -or hate- something. But, honestly, you have to eat that broccoli; you have to strap on those skates and wobble across the ice to really know.

"I just want to watch," is what someone says as they walk in to the theatre for an improv class. My mantra is, "You stay. You play."

Guess what, no one has left (yet) when I've imposed that rule. Quite the opposite; they are pleased with themselves that they did something brave; a great benefit of not chickening out!

I only wish I could've applied the same rule when I was a Corporate Training manager. Unfortunately, those with higher status than I were able to set the rules.

More than one boss and/or VP in my career didn't want to participate in a training session or a class but wanted to (or were told to) be in the room. A non-particpant in the room is a death knell to a class. Especially if "I'm just watching" is the boss.

A low point in my career was having a boss who wouldn't let me take a particular leadership class. I loved the content and was aching to participate but was told something to the effect of: employees won't respect you as the training manager if you have to take a leadership class. That was scared-boss thinking. That wasn't leading-by-example thinking.

Picture your boss - let's call him "I'm-just-watching" - sitting there in the corner of a training room; arms crossed, lips pursed, wearing a smug smile. People believe behavior more than words and "I'm-just-watching's" behavior gives the impression of  more than watching, doesn't it? It gives the impression of being "above" the course/material/participants. It gives the impression of negatively judging the other participants -of negatively judging his employees.

Don't be that person. Don't be that person who thinks they will actually get something out of half learning something -that goes double if you have any direct reports! Instead, be that person who leads by example. Be that person who jumps in, feet first and goes for it.

Here's the dirty little secret. Others can see through "I'm just watching". If you have direct reports, they won't tell you to your face, but they will lose respect for you if you don't participate. The really discriminating employees know that their boss is scared.

Scared of what, though? Scared to be "found out"? Scared to do something "wrong"? The irony is, we already know "I'm just watching" is a yellow-bellied chicken.

So why not just jump in and participate? Unless, of course, you're scared or something . . . .