The Cost of Silence

Why is it socially unacceptable to call out and describe a leader's specific behavior and the negative impact it has had on you -or the workplace?

This thought hit me yesterday when a friend of mine, in a Facebook thread, made a comment about the behavior of a boss at a former workplace. The behavior was, at best, misguided; and, worst, potentially illegal (it involved the withholding of a workplace benefit.) At some point in the discussion my friend apologized for potentially committing a faux pas by sharing something negative about a former boss. (Mind you, this friend did not mention this person by name.)

I commented that I didn't think it was a faux pas and, like I said, it got me to thinking about why our society doesn't find it acceptable to comment on situations like this where the manager's behavior would be considered by most reasonable people to be negative and out of line.

I have had some great bosses over the years. I discussed their behavior openly with friends and colleagues. "Oh, I really loved working for Mr. ABC because he always listened to our ideas and either accepted them or didn't, but, he always listened with openness and interest."

I've also had some awful bosses over the years yet, those bosses I endured and/or left to work somewhere else. Except with those closest to me,  I never openly discussed the behavior of those bosses.

Why is it bad form to discuss why I left? Why is it bad form to describe a behavior and its negative impact?

Leaders talk about their employees and their behavior all the time and it seems socially "acceptable" to discuss a "bad employee" with others. 

I'm not talking about "blanket" generalities here, I honestly think its unproductive to say, "So and So was a jerk." But I'm asking this: Why isn't it an accepted practice to share specific examples to let others know what is going on in a workplace if it is negative?

I've never done it, myself, because I always understood that this wasn't the "way things are done" but now, in retrospect, I'm wondering why I didn't explain WHY I left in my exit interviews, the two times in my career when I was leaving because of a boss and/or company culture that I could no longer support or endure.

In the improv of life, there are as many unique ways to accept one of life's "offers" and respond to it as there are people, but, it is very clear in many cases what the "acceptable" response is.

So, most of us (myself included) are NOT honest and open in exit interviews at the risk of . . . what?

I once finished a "Preventing Harassment Training" session where the new VP of Marketing arrived late, had a food delivery interrupt the proceedings which was irritating behavior but then he proceeded to make several harassing remarks DURING the session. (Commenting on the physical attributes and appearance of the women in the training videos, telling a dirty joke and dropping the F-word.)

After the session, I reported this behavior to my boss, the head of HR, because during the session, we repeatedly told employees to report harassing behavior and I found this man's comments unacceptable. My (female) boss's response was to tell me that I should not comment on the behavior of someone who is "above" me.

Why didn't I pursue it? Why didn't I -at the very least- mention this incident as one of the reasons I was leaving the company when I had my exit interview? (This was just one example of the misogynistic culture of this workplace, I had several more specific examples I could have shared.)

"That would be career suicide," I can hear some of you saying.

So, now I want to dig deeper and figure out WHY.

And, what is the cost of silence? Could a leader become better if we spoke up? Could others be warned?

If you have any ideas, please comment.

I'm truly intrigued.